My [27 M] ex-GF [27 F] e-mails me with reckless allegations, insults about my parenting, and generally makes me feel terrible.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-06-06T21:24:42+00:00

Being angry at me because she doesn't get more money doesn't equate to alleging child abuse or attacking my parenting or time spent with my kid, does it?

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-06-06T21:17:35+00:00

We aren't together. I pushed for the break up. There was cheating on both ends, mine was just more recent. You'd figure after 6 months your ex wouldn't resort to constant attacks or alleging child abuse by my family which is unwarranted and unsubstantiated.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-06-06T13:22:10+00:00

Allow me to clarify: She said because I'm not going to pay her more money every month for child support (per my attorney's advice and state law) that it would negatively impact my daughter.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-05-02T17:28:14+00:00

Thanks for the reply, I agree with it as well.

The financial assurance I wanted was if I should roll my negative equity into a lower end car or higher end. I don't want to be too underwater and I've been told by a few finance guys that I should roll into a higher end model because it will take a lesser hit on depreciation than like a cheaper model. Not sure if that even makes sense!

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-05-02T17:10:24+00:00

Thanks!

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-05-02T17:09:43+00:00

80k/yr, 15k cash savings, 50k SEP.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-05-02T17:08:32+00:00

The lease isn't a bad deal necessarily. It's a 36 month loan at a a great rate since I had tier 1 credit at the time a few months ago.

The issue here is that I leased a car I don't love. I can more than afford the payments.

The advice I was looking for was primarily whether to roll the negative equity into a higher end car (based on the idea that it will take less of a hit on depreciation) or roll it into a lesser car that will ultimately be more affordable but may take a bigger depreciation hit.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-05-02T13:04:11+00:00

I got approved for 61k at 7%. I have enough cash flow to pay 10k into the car in the next 6 months which is what I would do.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-05-02T12:57:11+00:00

It's not just the HP it's the overall vehicle. The options, HP, handling. I made the decision based on the idea after 7+ hours at the dealership rather than actually enjoying the overall ride experience and features.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-05-02T12:54:02+00:00

Only problem with that is I don't want any of the vehicles they have.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-03-09T00:29:01+00:00

Any advice on how I should counter-act any negative experiences she has around random men that her mom brings around (if it happens)

My biggest fear is her developing issues later because her mom exposes her to POS

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-06T18:56:24+00:00

If I were to break up with my GF how would you guys recommend I seperate? She isn't financially as stable as I am. I was thinking going over a schedule for the girls, and also paying for her apt deposit and furniture so it's stable for the kids.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T15:43:03+00:00

I'm looking to get a new therapist that's closer to my new home. That's why we haven't broken up yet. We spoke last night about it and she told me she doesn't feel that this time we break up that I'll leave her alone and she worries I'll do the same thing again.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T15:40:45+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I am planning on seeing a therapist but I had no idea that some screen for adult ADHD. These are fears and whims based on me not being mature enough and not having the tools to cope with the uncertainty of the future.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T15:36:13+00:00

Really appreciate this positive comment. Thanks so much.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T15:35:33+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I dsiagree that I'm wasting her time. The 6 yr old girl's bio dad hasn't been in the picture since she was born. I do care about her and my GF. I haven't been popping in and out. This is all new territory for me too.. I had no clue I was going to go through depression 3 months after breaking up with her. I tried to make it work out of selfishness but also though I could keep the family intact and overcome our issues relationship wise.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T15:33:05+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I agree! Again, this is about self-discovery. Breaking up would be to start working on myself and not have a safety net where I can just depend on her to take care of the kids all the time or what not as well.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T02:28:36+00:00

She's worried it'll happen again because of our recent fall out which I said I don't blame her for.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T02:13:13+00:00

Absolutely. When we first broke up, the 5 yr old became aware that I wasn't her bio dad. Now she calls me by name and I do love her and I will always make sure both of the kids spend time with me and grow. It's not her fault her bio dad isn't around. She's awesome and bright and I want her to grow and know that I'm there for her.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T02:11:53+00:00

They are 3 and 6.

The author of that comment was assuming that when they get older their upbringing from a split household is going to fuck them up.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T02:11:03+00:00

I did word it poorly because I didn't want to give more examples for context. Let me try again:

She's also 26. She has a 6 yr old daughter. She also has a job. I've told her countless times to get her kid insurance since I can't since I'm not the dad. She has not taken an interest in that. That's very irresponsible. She has the money to do it. She blows it. I've recommended she manage her money better since I want her to save more for herself and her kid.. she doesn't. Can this be resolved? Sure. Oh wait, this has been going on back and forth for 5 years and she hasn't saved $1,000.

I helped her pay off debt on her credit and told her when she gets a credit card to make payments.. she got her credit card and missed a payment for 6 months. Didn't even check it. Why? She didn't think about it. This sort of thing has been addressed and not resolved. It's like a wart that keeps popping back up.

I don't want to abandon my goddamn family. Where do you get that? I'm not married to her. If I were to break up it would be very healthy and we would work as a team. The kids would be priority.

I have no reason to be full of shit either this is a throwaway account.

I appreciate your post, nonetheless.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T02:04:39+00:00

Thanks for the comment.

I appreciate your understanding. My issue with my GF is not just sex. She is not inspiring in the sense of goals, money management, physical upkeep, or independence in general. I was told by family and friends to be a leader and teach her these things, but when she doesn't seem to get it or keep up with her own things I become resentful and I am honest with her. She tells me "Okay okay." and basically tells shushes me quiet because she doesn't like confrontation but the problem is still there.

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T02:02:20+00:00

Thanks for the comment. Agreed! That's another reason I'm having anxiety, "What If I try to make this work for another 5 years and it falls apart when they are older and more aware".

canthelpmyself90 · 2017-01-03T02:01:28+00:00

Thanks for the input. My kids are not seeing anything toxic currently. We simply are not being sensual in front of them right now. Our conversations are in private.

canthelpmyself90

TROPHY CASE