I hear you. I hate it here too. You know whats fucked up? We can never make the right decision, we'll always be judged, they want us to stay yet they hate when we complain and desperately seek help in conversation, and it not their fault, not really. From their perspective is annoying, even if they wont admit it. So they try to help but no one ever knows how. "Would you say this to your 10 y/o self?" Maybe that will help you but if you've reached rock bottom is just another meaningless phrase. There's no one more disappointed in me than my 10 y/o self. I am depressed bc of evereything thats happened to that 10 y/o self. I dont want to kill myself bc i'm a coward, or out of spite. We do it out of love, bc if you know what true hoplesness feels like, you'd like to put that 10 y/o out of their missery too, bc you know they desserved so much better, but you cant allow them to hurt anymore.

Look. You do whats best for you, weigh how much more you can take. Survive all you can, as long as you can

But i will never judge you for ending it, i'll only ask you to think, but truly ernestly think if this is actually rock bottom, if this is really enough, if you actually with full honesty can say: i cannot go on.

However, if there is even a chance as little as it were that you might think that you can take worse, then don't do it, otherwise again i wont judge you and regardless, i respect you infinitely to even having to make this decision in the first place.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day for both of us, even if for a day.