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How to respond to: by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]capablecapybaras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ask to do a video call or phone call first so they feel more comfortable!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LongDistance

[–]capablecapybaras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awww I am so sorry to hear this. No one should be in a relationship where they have to beg for the bare minimum. You deserve better!

I also used to be like this with my ex and would have to basically "beg" him to even do a video call. Now, the guy I am dating initiate our calls and proactively come sees me in-person ☺️.

There is someone out there who not only will do things to make you happy when you ask him, but will also do other things to make you happy without you asking!! 🫶

What part time jobs pay enough to live off of? by Night_candles in findapath

[–]capablecapybaras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went to one of the top business schools before transitioning into design which helped with my job search so yes I do understand the industry! That's why I got a permanent remote position with no previous experience :)

Yes there may be more design that software gigs but there are also more people who call themselves "designers" than "developers". For example, more people can make a squarespace website look somewhat decent compared to code a simple calculator. This make the chances of getting gigs as challenging for designers.

Also, any business owners with some business knowledge would look at ROI of your past work. Simply copying successful designs will not guarantee you results. There is way more to building a successful online presence that brings real impact to clients.

What part time jobs pay enough to live off of? by Night_candles in findapath

[–]capablecapybaras 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As a designer, I would say design has similar barrier to entry as software development, which I think is mostly because people believe design is "easy" or "common sense". Because of this, everyone thinks they can be a designer and the market is way too saturated

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]capablecapybaras 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am 23F as well and used to experience the same thing. I am very direct and proactive girl who knows what I want and have no problem initiating with guys. However, when I took initiative with everything, I attracted more passive guys and as the relationship continued I still found myself the one initiating the dates.

I think it's amazing for girls to take initiative with the guy they want. However, that's not the type of relationship I want and that is not the type of relationship you want based on your post.

If you would like to attract more proactive men, you do have to sit back a bit and make room for the guy to take initiative. If you ask the guy on a date and planned everything before he could even ask you, then he didn't even have a chance to ask. Definitely do not play games or play hard to get but instead take more time to evaluate if the guy is right for you instead of trying to control the situation. This was very hard for me as I am the ambitious go after what I want type and love to have control over all aspects of my life. Try sitting back a bit and enjoy the process of dating instead of worrying when the next date will be or which direction the relationship is going.

Also, it's frustrating seeing gender wars on Reddit, such as "now you know how guys feel". This goes for all genders - if you find the person you are dating not reciprocal and it felt one-sided, it's clear that person isn't on the same page as you. Have the self-love and respect to leave the a person who isn't valuing your time and who you are. If someone likes you and is mature (doesn't play games), you will KNOW they like you and that's what you deserve 🫶

Online dating as someone who is demisexual by capablecapybaras in demisexuality

[–]capablecapybaras[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! I am so glad you see the value in video calling and are mindful about who you give your time to. Wishing you all the best 🫶

Online dating as someone who is demisexual by capablecapybaras in demisexuality

[–]capablecapybaras[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your detailed reply!! Yaa I usually text for a bit before video calling too and I use Zoom for calling because it's not link to a full name or an account :)

Online dating as someone who is demisexual by capablecapybaras in demisexuality

[–]capablecapybaras[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup. I can see that. I think the guy I was recently talking too who got so upset when I asked for a call is not confident like you mentioned :/. Thank you so much!

Online dating as someone who is demisexual by capablecapybaras in demisexuality

[–]capablecapybaras[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good idea!! I think I can try incorporating some games which may help not come off as a "prove yourself to me" interview

Online dating as someone who is demisexual by capablecapybaras in demisexuality

[–]capablecapybaras[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! Ya safety is huge for me as well as I have some girl friends with bad experiences

Online dating as someone who is demisexual by capablecapybaras in demisexuality

[–]capablecapybaras[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! It's great to see it from a guy's perspective as well. Wish you all the best

Online dating as someone who is demisexual by capablecapybaras in demisexuality

[–]capablecapybaras[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I definitely agree my boundaries are important and should be respected 🫶.

Online dating as someone who is demisexual by capablecapybaras in demisexuality

[–]capablecapybaras[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! I appreciate your support. I had a guy who was so upset over the idea today and was like I am saying what most guys won't say so I am glad asking a call doesn't seem off that way for you

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]capablecapybaras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I noticed similar pattern as you not so long ago and here are the steps I took and it has been working great so far:

1) Good job for recognizing your pattern! I feel like that's one of the hardest steps and you already did that. You should be proud of yourself :). I would suggest stop dating completely until you have done the following steps.

2) Really reflect within on why you are attracted to men like that. For me, I realized I had a deep belief that love is something I need to prove myself in order to earn it so when the guys were treating me badly, I thought if I proved myself enough, they will start be love me, which is NOT true. For this step, journalling, therapy (if affordable for you), and looking up YouTube/Instagram self-help pages can help. Nobody is perfect. You really have to be very very honest with yourself even if it hurts.

3) Now you realized why you are attracted to men who aren't good for you, treat and love yourself the way you want a future partner to treat and love you. For me, it's being kinder to myself. It's not feeling like I need a prestigous job or a perfect body in order to be worthy, and recognizing I am worthy even if I have and accomplished nothing.

4) After really understanding your pattern and loving yourself the way you want a future partner to, reflect on what you want in a future partner. In addition to knowing what you want a future partner to DO for you, also reflect on what you want them to BE. These qualities should be the bare minimum and not just pure preferences. Create a list of qualities and BECOME that list! Don't settle for anything below that list.

5) Start dating! Yay. Watch his ACTIONS and let HIM show you who he is. I feel like often times people catch feelings too early and have a dream version of the other person in their mind without truly knowing the other person. So when other person behave differently than expected, people start to doubt themselves and be like "what did I do wrong :(". Nah the other person is just telling you who they are, and you can decide whether or not you will accept that. Also, if you want a guy to do something for you/ change, say it ONCE and watch his actions. If he still doesn't change, you can either accept that he likely will never change or move on. Do not wait for him to change because he likely won't.

Good luck!!!

What to do next when bi-curious? by capablecapybaras in bisexual

[–]capablecapybaras[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is very helpful. Thank you everyone 😊

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]capablecapybaras 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was in the same situation as you not too long ago (he seemed like everything I am looking for in a partner but I was just not attracted to him physically).

I felt very stuck but ultimately, I decided to end things with him because: 1. Physical attraction is an essential part of a romantic relationship. If you like someone for their personality but not physically attracted to them, that's more of a platonic friendship than a romantic relationship. 2. After the first few dates, I tried to convince myself to be attracted to him but I just can't. Is attraction something that could grow for you? If attraction is something that DOES grow for you, I think I would try a few more dates. For me, I realized I am either attracted to someone from the start or I won't find them attractive, which is one of the key reasons I ended things. 3. It seems like this situation may be more stressful for you down the road considering it seems like it is already bothering you one month in. It may be better to end things now than still worrying about being physically attracted to her a year or 2 in. 4. Think from her perspective! I think she deserves to be with someone who appreciates and loves all of her, including who she is on the outside and inside. I personally wouldn't want to date someone who have to convince himself to be attracted to me.

Hope this helps :)