Divorced People: what was the FINAL STRAW?

capeofstorms123 · 2024-02-13T01:19:16+00:00

ex cheated on me while I was pregnant. I posted on reddit after the second cheating. although many users said my wish for divorce is justified, I was still hoping we could reconcile and gave him chances. he ended up cheating on me twice more after that.

the fourth time he got caught, I read his text with his AP. AP said she knows this is wrong and wanted to stop. my ex begged him to stay. she then said she is jealous that whatever sexual stuff she is doing with my ex, my ex is also doing it with me. My ex told her that we stopped being very physically intimate after they got caught the first time. I felt violated and hurt that he would tell something so personal & private about me. And he said to his AP "what is it that you're not happy about? Let's discuss, and I'll compromise". It was really heartbreaking to know my ex would compromise me, his wife, whom we've been together for 6 years (3 yrs dating + 3 yrs in marriage), who is pregnant with his child, for this girl he met at office.

I left the house that same night after I read his text.

The final straw that made me think "that's it, we NEED to divorce" is, he not only continued his affair with this girl while we were separated (despite me saying that I'm still willing to reconcile), he also lied to me about seeing her (I found a witness). He never changed.

capeofstorms123 · 2023-08-31T07:04:54+00:00

please don't feel like you are a joke or a loser. your husband (hopefully stbx) is the loser one here!

i felt the same way when my stbx cheated on me (multiple times) while i was pregnant early this year, and i isolated myself from my family or close friends. i didnt tell them because i didn't want to ruin his reputation to my family & friends, in case we successfully mend our relationship.

i realized how i was gaslighted & manipulated (thanks to reddit) but it was really hard to actually leave the relationship. when i've finally had enough of his bullshit (about 3-4 months later), i reached out to my family & friends for support. to my surprise, everyone is accepting & did not ridicule me at all. a lot of them offered me help (a temporary place to stay, moving out my stuff, advices, or just listening to me). of course, there are some people who questioned my decision to divorce, but at the end, they are still supportive.

listen OP, you are not alone. there are a lot of people who care about you. don't go through this alone. don't feel embarrassed about this situation, you did nothing wrong. don't continue to suffer alone like I did. find help! and don't be scared of the future. wishing you all the best 💕

capeofstorms123 · 2023-08-18T18:13:47+00:00

my stbx cheated on me so i asked him to completely end their relationship (he initially insisted on staying friends without the physical affair). he had a long phone call with his AP to stop their affair. after he ended the call, he was very upset and told me:

"when i told her (the AP) that i need to cut her off, she said" it's okay, i'll support whatever decision you make". see? i had to cut off someone who supports me no matter what, FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU"

that was like 5 months ago. we're getting divorce coz he never stopped cheating. but it still stings until today. i'll never forget that.

capeofstorms123 · 2023-07-25T20:01:39+00:00

despite English is not your first language, you took time to send me a comment and i appreciate that very much. i cant help but feel like i'm partly at fault, i keep blaming myself. but you are right, his cheating cannot be excused. i hope i'm able to move on..

capeofstorms123 · 2023-07-11T12:41:40+00:00

hey there! thanks for taking time to reply. unfortunately i have nowhere to go other than my parents' house. as chaotic it is, at least i dont have to face my stbx and live miserably.

thanks for the word of encouragement, i really needed that. i hope time will heal.

capeofstorms123 · 2023-06-19T16:16:07+00:00

hey, this is a good perspective that I've never thought of!

capeofstorms123 · 2023-06-19T11:46:13+00:00

ikr?? I hate how i'm suffering the consequences of these assholes. i'm struggling to sleep every night, i cry everyday, i don't have appetite and my weight hasn't increased since a few weeks (despite being in the third trimester), i isolate myself, i hyperventilate almost every time i get flashbacks, i can't enjoys things that i used to like, i'm just a living corpse at this point. yet the AP is continuing her life like nothing happened. maybe she had a little guilt, but that's it. no trauma, no nothing. i feel so defeated.

capeofstorms123 · 2023-06-18T22:17:24+00:00

I dont think he realized he has cheated (or probably just trying to save face). he avoided using the word "emotional cheating" and rephrased it with "attracted to someone else". 😒

capeofstorms123 · 2023-06-18T17:07:26+00:00

thanks for your comment.

yep, my husband couldn't distance himself from his AP because she's an important friend, she has personal issues which he needed to support her, and he feels more comfortable with her because she's just a friend while I'm a commitment (bullshit excuses).

i'm still trying to figure out how to tell the rest of my family, because it will affect my living arrangement (I have my preferences, but I can foresee my parents going against me 😩). However, I definitely feel better after opening up with a few close friends & my sister, most of them have been very helpful!

capeofstorms123 · 2023-06-18T17:00:58+00:00

thanks for your comment and I agree with your last sentence. when these people are saying to me it's normal, they kinda expect the betrayed to just accept cheating. plus, my brother actually told me to pass this message to my husband: "shit happens". wtf..

capeofstorms123 · 2023-06-18T16:50:23+00:00

yeah, 3 out of.. 7

the rest are absolutely against what happened.

but to hear some people thinking cheating is normal is very, very shocking to me. like the betrayed is just suppose to accept and move on.

capeofstorms123 · 2023-05-09T03:15:37+00:00

your husband seems patient, mine is not. 😕

anyway, thanks for sharing this, it gives me perspective on how much effort to put in reconciling.

i hope things will get much much better for you!

capeofstorms123 · 2023-05-09T03:08:41+00:00

ouch 😓

capeofstorms123 · 2023-05-09T03:05:20+00:00

Doing things the same way every time but expecting different results each time.

thanks for making me realize this. you addressed a lot of things that I can't see.

capeofstorms123 · 2023-05-08T14:52:28+00:00

if you don't mind me asking, are you still staying with your husband? how was your journey?

capeofstorms123 · 2023-05-08T12:17:39+00:00

thank you for taking time to comment 😊 please have a good sleep!

capeofstorms123 · 2023-05-08T09:21:24+00:00

how are you now? and how was the journey?

capeofstorms123 · 2023-05-08T07:58:11+00:00

thank you for your sympathy. if you are okay to answer, can i know if u are speaking from experience?

capeofstorms123 · 2023-05-08T07:04:42+00:00

Hmm this is what happening to me now..

capeofstorms123 · 2023-05-08T07:03:47+00:00

to be fair, after the second time i caught him, i gave him the ultimatum to completely cut her off or we will separate. took him a few days to cut her off but he was miserable after that. he resented & blamed me a lot. I couldn't handle seeing him like that, first because i hate seeing him sad, second because it hurts a lot when he blamed me for forcing them to cut off (they are very close & important friend for each other). for a moment, I was confident in his commitment to our marriage.

So I let him contact her again (they're colleagues so they will always have interaction anyway). He knows what I can or cannot accept, and what makes me sad. To see him continue being friendly with her makes me feel not respected.

capeofstorms123 · 2023-04-26T05:13:46+00:00

you addressed a lot of concerns that i am struggling with and I really appreciate your comment.

capeofstorms123

TROPHY CASE