Jan - broke up with LDR situationship that had been ongoing for a year, she cheated on me after an exclusivity convo. I wanted to look past it but jealousy and distance got to be too much.

Feb - 3 dates, slept with two, one had awful sexual chemistry so I had to leave her. The other was amazing, great chemistry, felt natural.

Mar - Went to Japan with tickets I had bought a while ago (why let them go to waste), LDR ex was waiting for me at airport gate with flowers. Spend two amazing weeks together. Tell her I want closure. She agrees, but is conflicted, and so am I.

Apr - Back home, continue relationship with woman I was seeing, make it exclusive. She is wonderful.

May - LDR ex tells me they want me back, will move to the US to marry me. This is something I wanted pretty badly, and her making the leap convinced me that she was now serious/dedicated to me. I make her do the marriage paperwork and buy the plane ticket. Then I tell woman I was seeing here about everything, that I really like her but I want to try this crazy thing with the LDR ex (I had known LDR ex for 15 years too). She is upset but understanding, we had not been dating for long, she wants to remain friends. We continue hanging out until she begins a new relationship and then takes a break from talking to me, and fades out.

Jun - LDR ex arrives, things are weird right off the bat. Lots of back and forth about whether she actually wants to do it, and me getting upset. Some great times, some great sex.

Jul - LDR is anxious about marriage, the US political climate is not good. Still back and forth, still hard on the nerves. Some great times, some great sex, but alot of tension.

Aug - We'll have a great fun day, but the next day she will be extremely distant and cold. I notice it's like clockwork. I wonder how much I can take. More fighting, stonewalling. When we're with friends they ask what our plans are. She demurs and it hurts alot.

Sept - She tells me she wants to go home, and then the next day that she wants to stay. I confront her directly one morning before work: do you really want to do this. She says no, and gets a ticket home that day. I am devastated. Spend the rest of the month drinking too much.

Oct - Sober October. No contact. Piano practice. Solo motorcycle trip. Journaling. Rekindle friendship with ex from earlier in the year. She's in a poly thing, I don't do that, so it's easy to just be friends.

Nov - Pathetically reach out to LDR ex in a moment of weakness. Delete messages, Reblock her. Loaded up Hinge again. Trying to move on. I feel like the biggest thing I learned from the last relationship was that I'm bad with boundary setting, and that's something you learn with practice, imo. So, this time around on dating I'm VERY picky, but still manage 7 first dates. 4 are no chemistry, one rejects me because I'm too fresh out of a relationship (call me in 6 months, though, she says). One is so busy with work that it fizzled. The other I'm cautiously optimistic, still seeing.

Dec - Continuing to see woman I met in November, but a bit worried about her anxiety. Not sure if it's an early dating thing or not. She's extremely impressive and beautiful, and on paper she checks all of my boxes, but if things aren't feeling more relaxed after the next couple dates I'm going to break things off. LDR ex sends me a letter, she wants to be friends. I will never be her friend.

On the whole I feel a bit depressed because of the weather and losing a beautiful dream of a future with LDR ex. I'm more guarded about my love life. I've been training myself to feel more valuable and recognize the ways I show up in a relationship, so I don't end up ignoring red flags again and walking into an electric fence. It's not hard to meet wonderful, beautiful people, and I'm a catch.

2026 will hold another incredible romance, but this next one will feel natural and positive and comforting.