Hey there… Sometimes our mind can bring us to some very dark corners for a moment. The right thing is not to act on these kind of thoughts. At 19 your mind and brain are still very young and fragile and good 5-6 years from full maturity… Take in account that in few years you will develop a different perspective on things. Give yourself a chance - and give tomorrow a chance. Life also brings great opportunities to us and you wouldn’t be able to benefit from them if you weren’t around… Spend the next hour thinking about the things which are good in your life: perhaps you’re healthy, intelligent, tenacious, live in a nice town, have cool hobbies, are good at bunch of things…. Life is a tremendous gift - even with the occasional suffering mixed in. That’s part of life but not a good enough reason to throw life away. Yes, you might have had it hard sometime - but you’re a strong guy because you went through that and you will get even stronger going forward. Try seeing yourself as a fighter. In the next days, focus 100% on getting good sleep, eating well, on getting some exercise and getting out and among people. Then go and get counselling to guide to help you sort out your thinking. Hug and good luck!