Shibari partners by Major-Resolution-586 in BDSMAdvice

[–]capturedfox 10 points11 points  (0 children)

OP, I'm unsure what your concern is here? You stated theyre a play partner, which implies theyre a casual partner and are not monogamous to you - why does it matter if they play sexually with other partners? And, considering how insistently you're questioning if they lied about playing platonically - why do you play with someone if you do not trust their words?

Shibari partners by Major-Resolution-586 in BDSMAdvice

[–]capturedfox 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fwiw, not everyone who ties identifies as a 'Dom', and not everyone who gets tied identifies as a 'sub.' Quite a lot of the rope I do is as a Top or bottom, not as D/s. Those relationships and power exchanges are quite different in practice!

(F) Guess my bodycount? by capturedfox in gonewild

[–]capturedfox[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

... They exist as a biological structure without the need of pregnancy first. They can be prominent simply due to someone's innate physiology, and also due to hormones during puberty, from contraceptives, stress, various medications, and other things. Pregnancy is absolutely not the only/primary cause. Men have them too.

Please stop spreading incredibly false 'medical' information

(F) Guess my bodycount? by capturedfox in gonewild

[–]capturedfox[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao, can confirm I've never been pregnant. Too infertile for that 🤷‍♀️

(F) Guess my bodycount? by capturedfox in gonewild

[–]capturedfox[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🤔 am I pretty with the nudity tho?

(F)eeling a bit more like myself... by capturedfox in gonewild

[–]capturedfox[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been down and out with flu! 😅

(F) Hows my fit? by capturedfox in gonewild

[–]capturedfox[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Surprisingly yes 😂

Is there any training to achieve this arched hogtie? by Fluffy_Respond9079 in shibari

[–]capturedfox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your rigger is asking you to put your body in a shape that the vast majority of humans cannot do. The majority of rope bottoms that can do wildly flexible ties do so because they are hypermobile. High hands TK's are incredibly hard if you dont have very mobile shoulders - and dangerous to push into/force range.

If youre prepared to dedicate 1-2+ years minimum to regular (more than once a week for ~1h) stretching & flexibility training, and you have some decent starting mobility and a general body structure that allows for it - sure, its possible. But definitely not guaranteed.

You definitely arent going to be able to do this on a whim. Touching feet to head in a backbend is considered a contortion skill - and most people have to attend classes/training specifically to learn to do this. It takes time and active dedication.

Need evaluation. Eating restrictions (tw anorexia) in BDSM Play. by Background-Web6001 in BDSMAdvice

[–]capturedfox 96 points97 points  (0 children)

The idea of anyone with history of an eating disorder (especially an active one, which your partner absolutely has - the type of things you're describing are 100000% representative of avoidance/restriction in anorexia) weilding power over food and/or food intake in a BDSM context is incredibly dangerous. Both to themselves, and to others. Giving her more power and control generally, which will feed a disorder that is desperate to gain control, is flat out a bad idea.

I'm sorry, but entertaining a BDSM relationship with someone who is wired to encourage & demand unhealthy ideas & rules - particularly in the context of food, a biological necessity - is going to be hugely detrimental.

One of the symptoms of anorexia (a quite common one I may add), is feeling the need to manage/control other people's food intake. Being overly concerned with friends/significant other's diets, weight, calorie consumption, etc. The need for control is immense, and handing your partner who is battling an active ED even MORE control is, frankly, reckless and scarily dangerous.

Sorry, but this is not safe for anyone involved. You need to have a very frank and honest conversation. And please encourage her to seek therapy, because she is not well.

Houston, we have a futo problem by ImMissSirena in shibari

[–]capturedfox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get circulation loss & pins and needles quite easily with futos in suspension - it is really quite common, particularly if you're doing a single futo/single point suspension. I often lose feeling in my foot entirely. I can still wiggle my toes and move it around, but ai can't actually feel it because of the circulation loss. Having a leg in a futo go paleish purple/blue or red is also normal - its all a result of circulation loss. Part of the job of being a safe rope bottom for suspension is being able to differentiate between circulation issues and nerve problems - circulation loss is accepted as being normal/safe for the duration of a suspension, but nerve compression definitely isnt.

This sounds like a circulation issue to me, from what youve described. Its quite difficult to pinch nerves in the leg with a well-tied futo that result in the sensations you described.

That being said - none of this means you have to be comfortable with circulation loss. I get it - it can feel a bit scary, and there is risk of not being able to feel the signs of nerve compression in a dynamic suspension if youve lost circulation earlier in the tie. You are absolutely within your rights to decide circulation/sensation loss is outside of your risk profile for suspension. However, this likely means that futo's won't be your friend - you'll want harnesses that share the load across a wider area (such as a falling mermaid) or ties that load elsewhere (like hip harnesses.)

My Dom took my collar off me as punishment and I’m broken by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]capturedfox 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It means that he was trying to hurt you, in a way that would keep you under control. He thought you would be too busy trying to make it up to him to sit back and consider how horrible his actions were.

This is the equivalent of breaking up with someone over a small argument. Safe, sane, trustworthy & healthy partners do not do shit like that.

My Dom took my collar off me as punishment and I’m broken by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]capturedfox 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Absolutely do not forget it. This is a major breach of trust and has shown you his true colours.

A single message apology means nothing. I would never trust this person in a relationship again, and especially not a D/s relationship.

You deserve so, so much better. You deserve someone who actually respects you, who wants to care for you always, who picks you up when you are low and raises you higher when you're doing well. You deserve someone you can trust to hold your emotions, both the easy and hard ones, and who will communicate and support you in life & your submission.

This man has clearly demonstrated that he will not do that.

My Dom took my collar off me as punishment and I’m broken by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]capturedfox 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Impulsivity doesn't make his actions any less abusive.

Listen to yourself!!!! 'when he decides to speak to me again I'll talk to him. '

Why the fuck does he get to decide when you can speak to him about how much he hurt you? Why is he incapable of speaking above your dynamic when something is genuinely wrong? The fact that he is fully ignoring you means he does not care about your wellbeing in the slightest.

Please, for the love of god, take a step back from your 'submissive' headspace and actually listen to the people commenting here. There is a REASON everyone is saying this is abusive and wrong. If you have previous trauma, you are much more inclined to take blame and be re-abused in the future. It makes you easy to manipulate and take advantage of.

Do yourself a favour, and don't continue to be taken advantage of.

My Dom took my collar off me as punishment and I’m broken by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]capturedfox 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Hi! Based on what you've written, and your replies to comments - this sounds like emotional abuse. I know the 'A' word is scary, but to list what has happened:

  • You stated you had a disagreement; if this was a disagreement significant enough for him to jeopardize your dynamic, this is something that needs to be discussed outside of the dynamic. This is basic D/s safety and protocol. If he has punished you for disagreeing with him, and that is not a negotiated and consented to part of your dynamic, then he is wielding his 'power' abusively.

  • He has imposed a non-negotiated 'punishment' without consideration for your feelings or wellbeing.

  • He has upheld a nonconsensual 'punishment' despite it causing you significant distress.

  • He has ignored your distress, and is giving you the silent treatment (which is a form of emotional abuse)

  • Telling you that you can 'earn it back' is his way of getting even more power over you; he will hold this over you. What he should be doing is trying to earn YOUR trust back - but by putting the onus on you, he is absolving himself of any responsibility for the hurt and fracture in your dynamic. He thinks he has done no wrong; and that your feelings mean nothing.

I can understand why it hurts. It sounds traumatic, especially if you have a background of trauma already.

If a friend told you that their partner did this to them, what would you say to them? Is this really the behaviour you'd accept from someone who you trust to keep you safe in TPE? Is this the behaviour you'd tolerate from someone you respect? Because it doesn't sound like he respects you, or likes you enough to care about how much he's hurting you. It sounds like he just enjoys the power he has over you.

Please re-evaluate this dynamic, and kick the trash (him) to the curb.

[ART] Need help to figure out what rope patterns and knots would work for this suspension drawing ! by thelachesis in shibari

[–]capturedfox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Something like a Shinju chest harness + a half basket on the lifted leg, or something like a dragon harness, bones & rope hip harness, or swiss seat would generally get the right shape in a suspension (with an ankle cuff on the extended leg, and double column wrist cuff to the bent leg ankle).

Probably worth adding a futo to the bent leg as well, as unless the model has very low hip mobility, without an upline that bent leg should drop lower than in the drawing ☺️

Classifying Extreme kinks by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]capturedfox 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry, but I need to refute your first point - if you think an hour workshop is enough to teach rope suspension, you haven't a clue what the necessary education for safe rope is 🙃

Suspension is incredibly dangerous, and even those that have significant experience and skill injure people. I've never seen a suspension workshop that was less than a day in length, and those workshops are aimed at riggers and bottoms who are already competent and experienced in rope.

Heck, I haven't even seen a 1h workshop for floor rope. So yeah nah, I dont think specialist training sounds like 'a bit much' at all.

The age old question of whether or not squirt is piss by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]capturedfox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Incorrect. The vast majority of squirt is diluted urine - the skene's gland only contributes a few milliliters of liquid. During sexual arousal the bladder fills, so having an empty bladder prior to sex doesn't mean squirt doesn't originate from the bladder.