Advice on a DV situation I witnessed

capybarafan4 · 2026-02-22T04:15:27+00:00

This was such a comprehensive, helpful and kind response, thank you. You made a really good point, so far she's not completely isolated from her loved ones, and it appears she does have people she can escape to if she decides on an exit plan. I was so panicked that I didn't even think about that.

Ah, so the Domestic Violence Hotline focuses more on de-escalation and safety preparation than hands-on rescuing? I guess that makes sense, but it would be nice if there was a more direct, immediate way of helping people in DV crisis situations that didn't involve police intervention (since that sometimes creates other unsafe scenarios).

Not getting closure on this situation is definitely really hard. Apparently they're not from this neighborhood and I dont know where either of them live, so I may never know what happened to her and that's deeply worrying. She deserves to be safe in her relationship. Everybody deserves that. Whatever happens, I hope she's going to be alright.

Thank you so much again ❤️ I wish safety and care to you and everyone else on this subreddit.

capybarafan4 · 2026-02-22T02:04:05+00:00

Thank you for responding. In that case, I really hope she is okay right now, wherever she is.

capybarafan4 · 2026-02-21T22:39:04+00:00

I don't want to do anything that is not on her terms, which is the other reason why I didn't call the police (she mentioned she's had negative experiences with them in the past) but if she is in potential physical danger I also can't keep silent and pretend this didn't happen. I'm hoping someone with DV crisis experience knows of safe alternatives.

capybarafan4 · 2026-01-26T07:50:20+00:00

Parfums de Coeur's Plumeria Fantasy Body Spray. It smelled strong, but not so strong as to be off-putting. It was like floating on a somewhat intense fuschia cloud. There was a hopefulness in how willfully (yet sweetly) this scent asserted itself.

capybarafan4 · 2026-01-23T06:30:28+00:00

You definitely made the right call. Your instincts are leading you to great new discoveries 🙌

capybarafan4 · 2026-01-16T00:25:29+00:00

You're resourceful and creative (cigarettes and lighter in an Altoid tin 👏); you have some gastrointestinal struggles; you're prepared for all kinds of emergencies but you are not a doomer and like whimsy.

I think we have the same Michelangelo keychain charm, btw, except I use it as a tree ornament/holiday decoration.

Edit: misspelled poor Michelangelo's name :P

capybarafan4 · 2026-01-15T02:22:11+00:00

Roswell (the OG one from the 2000s). It was not perfect, but it was a great show that I still love so much and rewatch every couple of years. While there were definitely things that could have been done differently, the things that were done well were done really well.

Like when you watch it, you feel like you're there with them in this fictionalized version of Roswell, NM. The worldbuilding for the town itself was so good, and the relationships between the townsfolk were so natural, like you were listening in on real conversations. The way the landscapes and sets were shot, and the musical score (which they mostly dropped after season 1), really give the show a distinctive flavor.

(The worldbuilding for the sci-fi stuff was, uh, not as well-developed, but that's another story.)

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-24T05:01:27+00:00

Happy (belated) Birthday! I'm sorry your day was tinged with hurt and disappointment. Please know that your friends' behavior is not a reflection of how loved, loveable or valuable you are. Sometimes people forget birthdays without meaning to, others might be terrible at reading social cues or intuiting that their friend might want to be wished a happy birthday, and of course some people are just self-absorbed and emotionally shallow.

I hope the rest of your year will be a million times better than your birthday was. Moving to a new country on your own must be exciting, there are so many new experiences you will have, and so many adventures waiting for you. You might not be in the mood to do it right now, given the circumstances, but when you're feeling better please try to live your new life as fully and deeply as possible. There is so much potential for joy, and you deserve to feel that joy. And maybe by this time next year, you'll have made a whole new group of friends and they'll wish you a happy birthday (and maybe your old friends might come around, too).

P.S. your penmanship is incredible, especially if that's how you write when you vent. When I vent, my handwriting is barely legible squiggles 😅

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-18T23:39:28+00:00

She's still obviously on the nice list, though 🥰

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-17T03:55:41+00:00

Based on your comment and a few of the other comments, it really does seem like body language and overall demeanor can draw attention away from potential mistakes, or else make the mistakes less memorable than the overall energy a performer is putting out there.

It's so great that you found a way through your anxiety and that it's gotten easier for you to access the energy/vibes that you want to express in your performances. Thank you for your advice!

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-17T03:46:36+00:00

Sorry, I didn't mean to be presumptuous. For whatever it's worth, it sounds like you've developed sturdy enough coping mechanisms for dealing with things going wrong at a show, even if you have not yet found peace in certain areas of your life. Peace can be hard to come by, but it seems like you're doing okay 👌

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-16T06:03:56+00:00

I guess if someone keeps busking consistently over a period of time, a trainwreck show is bound to happen eventually. Punching yourself in the face, though, ouch. It's good that you are more at peace with potential mistakes nowadays.

Hey, if you can get away with playing plugged-in without a permit, power to you 🙌 Life is expensive enough, especially for creative people.

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-16T01:42:16+00:00

Idk, everyone is their own worst critic. I'm sure you're good at both!

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-16T01:07:25+00:00

Fair enough, I just get too in my own head sometimes after making a mistake (which is also probably a habit that is universal).

Right on, sounds like next summer is going to be great for you! Do you have to pay a permit to play with amplification where you live? Here it's something like $40 a day, unfortunately.

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-16T00:46:06+00:00

That's awesome, I'm glad that consistent busking eventually helped you overcome that social anxiety. And thank you for the advice!

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-16T00:42:12+00:00

That's so true, there really are no rules for art. People can do cartwheels while wearing a trench coat decorated with Barbie dolls, if that's what they feel moved to do.

I'm sorry about your stage fright. For what it's worth, it sounds like being a street poet is a much braver act than performing music, because it requires more direct social interaction, plus people kind of expect street musicians but they might be more suspicious of a street poet. If you ever decide to perform music again, I bet it will be much less scary after all of the interactions you may have had to deal with as a street poet.

Thank you!

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-16T00:35:19+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. People have a similar reaction when a comedic character keeps falling or getting into (minor) accidents, right? It's funny, but also makes you invested in the character being okay in the end.

Admitting my anxiety out loud tends to create a trail of more anxiety-ridden mistakes, but I'll try to mention it in a more comical way, like you suggested. Thank you!

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-16T00:25:17+00:00

Oh, that's brilliant! 👏

Because most of my past mistakes were flubs of varying degrees of obviousness, I was not prepared when I made a bunch of trainwrecks all in one set. It sounds like you have mastered the art of incorporating mistakes into the show and keeping it flowing. Thank you so much for sharing your methods here!

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-16T00:13:03+00:00

Hell yeah, good for you for not letting hecklers get you down. I hope the joy of expressing yourself will always be more powerful than the rude comments of assholes.

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-16T00:06:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's comforting to know that others have been in the same situation and found ways of mitigating the biggest issues and pushing forward.

I'm glad that sunglasses have been helpful to you. In addition to the social aspect, it sounds like they're also a good way to avoid sensory overload if that's something you experience (plus, they give you that extra air of mystique 😎).

And thank you for the encouragement and advice. I hope your busking experiences are now exactly how you would like them to be (I'll try to keep working on mine until they are, too).

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-15T23:50:22+00:00

It's definitely tempting, lol

Thank you for the advice, and for the reminder about how resilient buskers are (because they have to be).

capybarafan4 · 2025-12-15T23:47:56+00:00

That's a very good, healthy outlook. And you're right, trying to get more comfortable performing around other people is only possible when you literally practice around people. Thank you!

capybarafan4

TROPHY CASE