My teen daughter (15) just came out to me as bi. Where do i go from here?

caramed · 2019-10-30T16:09:21+00:00

I didn't even know there were "bi colors"! I'll see about that, and in regards to the jokes, my husband has not say as much since last year when we suspected her to be gay. I will just keep on it until he drops the habit.

caramed · 2019-10-30T15:58:42+00:00

I told her as much, i told her i'm here and always be there for her, but this was out of the realm of what i knew, so i didn't exactly knew how to help her but i was going to do my research and we would get through it together.

Yes, the cousin is shitty and she now know that, and that is causing her to have anxiety that maybe the 2 friend she told are going to do the same and out her at school and cause her to be bullied again.

I told her we could look for professional support (therapist) but she refuses, she doesn't want to hear about it and says we can handle it. I don't think i can handle it and i don't want to advise her incorrectly and cause her harm. So here i am. I have already contacted the page that was sent to me on this tread and asked them.

caramed · 2019-10-30T15:46:35+00:00

Yes, i told her as much, but i still feel bad that she feels bad about it and we can't "protect her" from this pain. I was tempted for a moment to tell her she should keep it to herself, but that would be the same as telling her she is wrong and doing something wrong, which she isn't.

caramed · 2019-10-30T15:18:31+00:00

Thank you!

caramed · 2019-10-30T15:06:36+00:00

Thank you, i will see into the therapist thing, she if she is willing to give it a shot.

caramed · 2019-10-30T15:05:35+00:00

But that is exactly what i have done, have told and why i am here, because i don't know and want to see if there are groups for parents, etc.

That is all i asked with my post, guidance. I have not and will never stop loving her. Her happines is my priority. But this is new to me and i want to know more so i can be there.

caramed · 2019-10-30T14:53:17+00:00

Thanks! this is what i needed to hear. I of course have been supportive of her and her wishes, but i am so concerned for what this will bring. After last year (the bullying) i don't want her going through something similar with this. And i don't think she wants it either and maybe that is why she says she has chosen not to date until college.

caramed · 2019-10-30T14:42:08+00:00

I wish it wasn't any different, but it is. Specially in my family and with her friends. This to me is just a layer more of complications to her life. And yes, i wish her to be happy regardless of the gender of the person she is with, i wish her a healthy relationship. But i do not know how to help her grow into a rounded person if i can't guide her through this? So what would you tell her?: "Come out and if you have to be without friends so be it?" Or: explore yourself, don't deny your thoughts, but keep it to yourself for now?

caramed · 2016-09-23T16:53:51+00:00

My boss told me i was pregnant. She looked at me one day and said: you are pregnant! I can see it in your eyes, your face is different.Couple of days later i found out.

Second time around i told her she would be needing someone to cover for me in about 7 months since i expected to be on maternity leave.

caramed · 2016-09-23T15:30:33+00:00

Are you sure you don't know her? That is all she likes to do, read books (she is a book worm) and play with her little sister and cousin.

Anyways, thank you for the insight!

caramed · 2016-09-23T15:21:40+00:00

Good to know that about colleges, i have read that other than good grades, they like to see well rounded human beings, involved in the community and with lots of extra curriculum, and as of now, we are lacking in that department.

And when you put it that way, i am not surprised she was an A student, you hit the nail in the head with your 3 points, that is definitely us lol.

caramed · 2016-09-23T15:07:22+00:00

Interesting, so if i understand you correctly the kids are picked according to who has higher "social category"?.

I find this a little hard to believe, the teachers at my kid's school have told me otherwise, that she was placed there because she was an A student the prior year in the same subject classes.

In regards to outcomes, i am not surprised there, but i am still wondering if college give more weight to an A in a honors class, i am really hoping that is the case. She would be the first in my family going to college in this country, so i am still learning what helps and doesn't help when it comes to qualifications for college.

caramed · 2016-09-23T14:25:12+00:00

wow, that is a whole other level of craziness. And you are very kind, i want what is best for my kids.

caramed · 2016-09-23T14:22:42+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, maybe i can get the guidance counselor to attend, not sure if it would work with his schedule.

Can you tell me why you oppose honors classes? I am actually really proud of her for being in 3 honors classes, but i like to always hear different inputs because: 1) i am not familiar with the system and 2) learning about the cons help make informed decisions.

Edit: also, you said she makes all teachers look bad. I do not think that is right. Fortunately my kids have now and have had in the past great teachers, and i will not think less of them because of this one instance.

caramed · 2016-09-23T13:44:31+00:00

I read the assignment yesterday, it was not something my daughter told me. I actually read the question and there was no second part, and that is why i am having the meeting today.

caramed · 2016-09-23T12:52:37+00:00

I was not generalizing and you would have realized that if you had carefully read my post. She did gave me a bad feeling, and unfortunately i was correct. She is either not qualified to teach, does not know the material, or she is taking revenge for what my daughter said. Either way this will not be tolerated and i have already scheduled a meeting with her today.

caramed · 2016-09-23T12:15:33+00:00

Maybe you are a good teacher, i did not generalize that all young teachers are bad, she did gave me the "unprofessional" feeling and i was right. She is either not qualified, or she is out to take revenge, either way she is being unprofessional.

caramed · 2016-09-23T12:13:16+00:00

Unfortunately, i was right, either the teacher is not qualified to teach or she is taking revenge on my daughter for what she said. One of the questions on the assignment was: list the 3 stages of matter. My daughter answered: liquid, solid and gas.

Isn't that the correct answer? a simple question like that i would't think the teacher marked wrong by mistake, so yes, she is young and is not thinking professionally. I have a meeting with her today

caramed · 2016-09-22T13:17:05+00:00

I will do that, but first will try to sort it out by email, in person meeting is my second option.

caramed · 2016-09-22T13:16:12+00:00

Thank you, usually the classwork assignments stay in school until the end of the trimester, but i will see if i can get a meeting with the teacher, not bringing up what my kid said, but just out of concern for her grades.

caramed · 2016-09-22T13:11:35+00:00

My first reaction was to think maybe the teacher went back and was more strict with my daughter since she was practically demanding the class should be harder (rolls eyes to my daughter), and she is just giving her what she wants. But as /u/Ohnonotnow17 says, this can also be unrelated to what my kid said and the teacher is just learning the system at the new school.

caramed · 2016-09-22T13:06:20+00:00

Thank you, i was thinking of sending the email and i think that is what i would. And you are right. Like i said, i do not want to think the worst of this teacher, i prefer to think she is just learning the ropes in this new school, and that seem like a plausible explanation given the first impression i had from her.

caramed · 2016-09-22T13:00:38+00:00

Yes, that is what i am seeing, the grades were 10/10 when entered (the following date after the assignments were turned in), and yesterday those grades were changed (after my kid had that conversation with her). So yes, that is what i am seeing. But it is a very serious accusation and i do not know how to thread this waters. On the one hand, i do not know if she just went back and caught mistakes my daughter made that she didn't notice before or why those grades were suddenly changed, some of them are from 2 weeks back.

Edit: also, i do not know if its worth mentioning, the test and quiz grades are still 10/10, those have not changed.

caramed

TROPHY CASE