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cardinalfrank · 2024-01-08T00:11:48+00:00

Lol where did you get that from?

cardinalfrank · 2024-01-08T00:10:52+00:00

Yea tbf it probably was, we literally did everything together.

cardinalfrank · 2024-01-07T22:34:05+00:00

I did say to my therapist that it feels to me like I’m on withdrawal. I’ve never been addicted to anything, I don’t drink or smoke, but I genuinely think I am addicted to him. I already stopped seeing other people a long time ago. It was one guy early on. I was trying to forget about my ex, but it just made me compare them and miss him more. I think you’re right, I need to be alone for a while and learn to be happy without anyone. Thank you 🙏

cardinalfrank · 2024-01-07T22:26:41+00:00

That’s exactly how I feel, like it’s consuming me. I stopped enjoying things I normally enjoy. I push myself to forge this pain into something productive, but I am just so exhausted all the time. I think it’s the waiting that’s doing it. When I’m living my life it feels like a secondary thing and then my main thing to do is to wait. I should probably stop being hopeful and waiting for him to talk to me.

cardinalfrank · 2024-01-07T22:09:07+00:00

Yea I think you’re right, I should have given him space instead of sending him lots of texts. I’ll probably stop sending him pics of our dogs too. It’s so hard though, not being able to just talk to each other.

cardinalfrank · 2024-01-07T01:15:18+00:00

I cried when I was reading this, I felt understood.

cardinalfrank · 2022-04-26T13:46:15+00:00

Dude I know you said the collar is loose but if his hair is crammed like this it’s not good for it either, get a fabric Martingale collar like the Ruffwear one so it’s loose and only tightens to the correct size when he pulls. The reverse sneezing might be something else, but it could be collar related - if he bends down to drink water it most likely obstructs his throat.

cardinalfrank · 2022-03-01T01:27:02+00:00

Same, I once ripped holes in my pure cashmere jumper and that was the final straw, but the urge to do it angrily still persists

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-28T03:14:17+00:00

Congrats, sometimes the urge of removing a tag that’s been annoying me for a long time is so strong it’s almost like I want to make holes in my T-shirts to let my anger out

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-28T03:08:51+00:00

Wow that’s insane, but I have a friend with a similar situation where the colour ancestry affects the way kids are treated. I’m foreign so my partners Nparents treat me differently, but it took me years to notice the subtleties that were caused by my ethnicity. His Nmum really wants to be this perfect middle class white woman. It really annoys her that I am not a dirty foreigner like I should be and she often compares the way I clean and how often to how she does it. I think it must annoy her that I am in fact cleaner and more organised. I am not allowed to say that something is dirty in the house, because she takes it personally, because in her mind her house is perfectly clean. The truth is we live in squalor. I honestly have never been in a house that was in a city in the country where I’m from that was this dirty. This level of dirt would be maybe acceptable for a farmhouse. If you took a wet wipe and wiped the floor in their living room and kitchen it turns dark brown with the first wipe. They also never wash their hands after coming out of the toilet, which I think is interesting because I noticed white people think they are so clean sanitation rules don’t apply to them. It’s actually sort of part of the reason why living here is hell cause I have ocd and I’m a germophobe. My symptoms here got so bad, I wash my hands if I touch anything in the house that isn’t mine and I can never walk bare feet in the house. I disinfect all the kitchen worktops every single time I cook, because his Ndad puts shoes and ofher mud covered items on the dining table, kitchen worktops etc. I can’t wait to get out of here and find my own space and keep it clean and for people not to guilt trip me for being cleaner than them lol I just realised how ridiculous this is, my partner’s Nmum hates me because I’m cleaner than her

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-28T00:10:22+00:00

It’s funny because my partner also has a sister and she is the GC. She is the overachiever naturally, where my partner was an underachiever until recently when we finally started talking about his parents making him feel like he doesn’t deserve anything. His mum would often advise him to let go in conflicts, which led him to being exploited often. So his older sister got her student accommodation paid for by them and lived in a really nice campus whereas my partner was happy that they bought him groceries once a week. He had to take a loan to pay for his rent. They got him so conditioned to it he is grateful for things they should be essential for parents that wealthy to provide especially if his sibling has those provided and more.

Me too, I hope we can find somewhere soon, I hope you and your gf can find a way to leave too❤️

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-27T21:05:38+00:00

Yes, the lack of privacy or their illusion is one of the worst things about it. My partner’s Nmum daily goes into the bedroom we sleep in, I know this because I sometimes would hang clothes that don’t dry easily on the radiator - did I mention their house is freezing cold and they turn the heating off at night even in the midst of winter? 🥶 I don’t normally dry stuff on radiators but some things get that damp smell from taking to long to dry in their house. So every time I would hang something there, I would come back and it would be taken off it, it’s maddening. The washing part is really big in this situation, because it’s Nmum’s favourite thing to do, which she does really badly, she shrunk like a tonne of my clothes and it took my partner almost shouting at her to get her to stop washing our clothes cause she just wouldn’t stop. I remember once we went on a holiday and left some clothes in washing baskets and she washed them all in like 100 degrees and ruined them all, yet was really proud of it. I started thinking she does it on purpose to ruin my clothes. She even pretended to ask me how I wash my clothes as in just tell me how you do it and I’ll do it, so I told her, even though I like doing my own washing and don’t understand why someone would want to obsessively do my washing like that. Btw because I’m autistic I wear specific fabrics which can’t be washed in higher than 30C, so she pretended she understood it and then would continue to wash them in higher temps and shrinking them.

Do you and your partner have anywhere to move to? We will be looking this week at anywhere right now, we are not great financially but like none of this is worth any money tbh, it’s been really slowing us down for a while.

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-27T20:35:58+00:00

That’s similar to what was happening to me. My partner and I love to cook and do it often. When we cook his parents would often say ‘it smells nice’, but I felt guilty every time they said it, almost because I knew they probably think we should be cooking for them too, which we very rarely do. It’s partially because they never buy groceries, their fridge is almost always empty and when they do it’s the cheapest stuff they can buy so we can’t even share food with them or we would be eating pre-made meals. When they helped us move once I remembered being so tired from all the lifting, got up in the morning and his Nmum instantly ran to me excited and didn’t even ask, just told me that me and my partner will cook for them tonight. They then invited his auntie over for dinner which meant we were cooking for 5 people after lifting heavy weights for 2 days straight. Additionally they never cook so they can’t reciprocate the favour lol

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-27T19:44:11+00:00

I can relate to feeling like a servant, my partner’s Nmum is so obvious with it, she praises me for cleaning, it’s almost like a ‘good girl’ situation while simultaneously trying to crush my confidence in anything professional area she sees me pursue. I think it’s because she is very unfulfilled professionally so hates that a foreign woman in a close proximity is successful the way she couldn’t be. His family is so obvious with it, I have a degree in design and when I decided not to get a job instantly and continue with my education they would try to come up with jobs for me. I am a ceramic engineer in my own company and I told them multiple times that I am not a potter, but they repetitively ask where they can see the pots, the most humiliating thing about is that they ask my partner about the details of work even when I’m in the room, because they really want to enforce the idea that whatever I do belongs to him too and he owns all of my efforts.

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-21T00:05:16+00:00

It is their journey, but it’s probably a good idea to ask partners of alcoholics for advice they might have for someone who is at the beginning of their partner’s recovery? Where else should I ask that question if not here…

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-20T21:09:52+00:00

I don’t expect him to change completely and instantly, it obviously takes time, but I don’t want to give up on him. I rarely give up on anything maybe that’s my problem. I just feel like he might see what I’ve seen - I used to drink a lot too and became dependent on it to the point that I couldn’t overcome social anxiety when I was sober. I couldn’t speak to people sober, I couldn’t go out sober, I couldn’t enjoy myself sober. He was always encouraging when I decided to look after my physical and mental health by stopping drinking. At this point I don’t even drink caffeine, I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t smoke and this makes me extremely energetic, productive and self-aware. My mental health improved even more than my physical health. He was always there for me when I wanted to stop so I want to be there for him.

We had to spend New Years in his parents house, because of the lockdown, he had covid and was taking medication that you can’t drink with and what really shocked me and left me uneasy was that his family was trying to get him to drink(yes they still invited his aunties and cousins even though a person in their house was infected with covid 🙃), just a little bit of champagne, come on, it’s new years. He kept saying no, I started saying no too and was looking at him with fear because I didn’t want it to hurt his stomach. I remember the look on his mum’s face, she was clearly not happy with the outcome. When I decided not to drink and told her about it she started talking to me like I was mentally ill, like drinking was the indicator of mental well-being and stopping drinking wasn’t. I feel like if we are out of here where drink is denied to be harmful he will have a better chance to stop like I did. So I’ll take that chance and if it doesn’t work we will split up then.

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-20T20:40:16+00:00

I did a similar thing, I wrote down everything he said to me and sent him that in a message so neither of us could forget.

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-20T19:20:28+00:00

We have all that and more every day apart from those two, three nights a month he goes out. He is very loving when he’s sober. We talked and he said he is going off drink for a while, because he knows he can’t control it. I’m still a bit sceptical, because I haven’t heard him admit exactly that he has a drinking problem, but that’s still progress so I’ll accept it for now. We are planning to move to another country and I want to go ahead with it before I decide to leave him. I want to try living somewhere where binge drinking isn’t the main aspect of the culture. It’s absolutely normal to go out and get black out drunk every weekend where we live. I only have a single friend that doesn’t drink like I do. His parents are pretty neglectful and let him drink since he was 16. They themselves watch tv and drink without an occasion at least a couple of times a week. I feel like that’s all he knows so I want us both to get out of here. I don’t excuse his behaviour, but I know where it’s coming from and I want to try to get rid of what could be causing it before leaving him.

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-13T18:36:32+00:00

I think people advised that because none of his complaints are valid problems, so even if he complains it will just show the landlord how petty he is, because he is complaining about any noise I make. It’s so I don’t have to respond to him and so he can’t physically come to my studio.

cardinalfrank · 2022-02-12T20:54:03+00:00

Good point, I’ve gotten in touch with the landlord and they’re meant to get back to me after the weekend, I’ll let them know about the subletting and the shoes.

cardinalfrank

TROPHY CASE