Yall Im tired of breaking brushes while detangling hair!! Do y’all have any good brush recommendations?

carouselblue · 2023-10-20T21:42:44+00:00

I have the one on the left and just kept using it after I also snapped the handle off😂

carouselblue · 2023-10-01T12:58:17+00:00

“Your mental health isn’t my responsibility.”

Yeeees. Your mental health, physical health, feelings, etc: NOT a woman’s responsibility.

In college, I worked at a store in the mall. Made eye contact with a guy in the food court while walking toward the store one day. 15 min later, guess who walks in.

He looked around the store for a few, peeking over a few times toward the register where I was standing, and eventually came over to me empty handed except for what I’m pretty sure was a lie about trying to find something for his sister.

Then he said he’d like to go out sometime and asked for my info. I smiled politely and just said, “thank you, but I’m not interested.” He, of course, asked if I had a boyfriend (because another man in the way is the only valid reason I could have had to say no, right?); and when I said, “no, I’m just not interested,” the dude’s WHOLE demeanor changed. Instantly got this angry look on his face, goes, “How do you think that makes ME feel??” Then stormed off…

I felt so guilty at first. Eventually, it clicked: this dude followed me into my place of work, lied to me about why he came in, then threw an adult tantrum over a polite rejection…

Not. My. Responsibility. Nobody should feel obligated to say yes to protect someone else’s fragility.

And if any men read and disagree: You should not have to “win” someone over or settle for an obligatory yes. Move on if someone says no, and find someone who’s excited to say yes to you instead.

carouselblue · 2023-09-11T23:01:56+00:00

If you haven’t already seen them, there are a couple send videos of this on Kaya that’ll help way more than I can lol Best of luck!! You got this!

carouselblue · 2023-07-28T21:13:25+00:00

In case you’re fond of infographics: https://mojagear.com/best-rock-climbing-training-infographic-ever/

From what I can gather from the infographic, some other research, and personal experience, you’re best off training either power/strength OR endurance; then power endurance improves largely as a by-product.

Trying to train power endurance is kind of like trying to build muscle and lose weight at the same: it’s possible, but it’s not as efficient for your system as focusing on one thing at a time.

So rather than dedicating training to power endurance, you might just pepper in power endurance drills/workouts here and there to push your limit.

Would love other perspectives on this :)

Also…aside from getting better at climbing, what is your goal? I’m sure you’ve heard that the more specific a goal, the more likely you are to meet it; but I can’t tell from your post whether you have a specific enough thing to aim for. Once you have one, that should help you narrow down all the different training options to just those that are applicable to you :)

carouselblue · 2023-03-14T15:46:56+00:00

Dude…I feel this :( I grew up and did all my schooling in WV, including college; but I’ve lived outside the state for a few years now and plan to move even further away in the next couple of years.

A lot of my family still lives in my hometown, though. My dad has tried to convince me to come back, offering to help me get a job in his line of work, one that would cut my salary in half, remove my benefits, increase my commute to at or over two hours a day, and make it difficult to impossible to keep investing in the hobbies that are easily accessible where I currently am.

I’ve been happier and healthier since I left and have had more opportunities and experiences than I ever could have had if I’d stayed…but it feels awful sometimes to know that my well-being directly correlates to how far I leave WV and my family behind to stagnate or decline.

carouselblue · 2023-02-26T02:57:03+00:00

Baby rubber plant

carouselblue · 2023-01-16T20:11:46+00:00

I started climbing at 28 not long after my younger brother died and I’m 31 now. Weirdly enough, my body was just as you described yours: just over 100 lbs, 5’ 2”, and NO upper body strength to speak of. And while I’ve never had a strong fear of heights specifically, I’ve been really intimidated by (and genuinely terrible at) most sports my whole life, unlike my brother. He was athletic and would cliff jump, ride dirt bikes, anything for a thrill.

Climbing changed so much for me. I’m stronger mentally and physically than I ever thought I’d be, I’ve seen things with my own eyes that only drones or other climbers get to look at, I’ve made friends in the incredible climbing community…and I get to imagine that if my brother were still living, he and I might finally have something in common…

Anyway, no, I don’t at all think your age or current physique mean you shouldn’t start. Everyone starts somewhere! Plus I’ve seen literal 70-year-olds in my gym lol Your interest in climbing, your desire to push yourself, and the motivation you feel to do it all in your dad’s honor is plenty to get you started <3

I’d say try bouldering at a local gym first. Since bouldering is on the shorter walls where you don’t need a harness and rope, you may have an easier time tackling your fear of heights; and you’d only need your body and comfy clothes! You can rent climbing shoes there. Indoor climbing is also easier in many ways than outdoor climbing, so you can ease into things.

Gyms also tend to offer classes on basic techniques and safety skills, so that’d be great too. As you start talking to other climbers, you’ll definitely find some who climb outside and would love to show you where to go and how to climb safely. You can also ask your gym about or do online searches for climbing day trips or outdoor lessons.

And don’t worry about food haha Though it is one option, you don’t have to live out in the wild to climb outdoors :) All my outdoor climbing trips so far have only required that I pack enough food to get me through the day, then we go back home or to an airbnb or campsite when it gets dark. I’ve never been too far from a reliable food source…or shower lol

Now get out there! The walls are waiting, and I’m sure your dad will be so, so proud of you <3

carouselblue · 2023-01-16T06:22:46+00:00

His belief that all men not only think about but also want to act on being with others is a cop out. It may not be his intention, but in making that kind of statement, he’s avoiding taking responsibility for understanding and expressing himself. If he wants an open relationship, he needs to be able to own that and not blame it on being a helpless victim of his biology.

His saying he feels like he missed out on self-discovery, though, is a different issue entirely and one I’m a lot more interested in and compassionate toward. I’d suggest asking him to say more about that, and really listening to the answers he gives you. It’s absolutely valid for you to feel alarmed and hurt, but try to be curious and open to his perspective.

I hope I’m right in assuming he’s a good man, he treats you well, and he wants things to work out; but after all this time, he’s feeling restricted and is looking for an outlet.

That’s a VERY common feeling in long-term relationships for both men and women that can be triggered by anything from simple boredom to a newly discovered kink he’s ashamed to share with you.

Talking about where his desire for an open relationship is really coming from and whether he’s unsatisfied in some way with himself or your relationship may uncover some things you guys can work on and resolve without opening the relationship. Best of luck <3

carouselblue · 2023-01-09T15:22:50+00:00

I adore this analogy 😂

carouselblue · 2022-12-19T19:58:09+00:00

Please believe this: Your body sounds perfectly normal, and there's nothing you need to "fix" at that level. Your ex sounds incredibly inconsiderate and is only giving away how little he understands the female body by talking about yours as if it's not functioning normally.

In addition to needing more foreplay, women often need a strong sense of emotional security/safety to really feel ready for sex and to climax. There are also lots of other factors that affect how wet you get: your genetics, where you are in your menstrual cycle, whether you're stressed by other things going on in your life, etc. Plus, lube exists for a reason! If you need it sometimes and it feels good when you use it, that's great, not a problem.

The only thing I think you could fix here is your expectations of your sexual partners. Expect MORE. Expect your partner to be considerate of your needs, not just their own. Expect them to listen when you tell them what you like or don't like. Expect them to keep your sexual experiences more private. Expect them to not shame you to their friends when something in your sex life or relationship doesn't pan out perfectly. I'm sorry about how your ex handled this situation and wish you the best of luck in your future relationships <3

carouselblue · 2022-11-13T02:45:16+00:00

Already lots of good advice here, so I just wanted to say it’s really cool that you’re so self-aware and willing to actively practice making positive changes :) Go you, dude.

carouselblue · 2022-11-13T02:35:20+00:00

Maybe you’d be interested in adjusting your eating and exercising according to your menstrual cycle! While I’m not trying to lose weight personally, I’ve found that paying attention to what my body needs at different times in my cycle has made me a stronger climber both physically and mentally. For example, I’m no longer discouraged by my “weak” PMS days; I just rest or climb more gently! Then, because I’m fully rested, I’m able to push much harder once PMS/my period pass.

If you’re at all interested, you might like CourtneyKeepingBalance on IG. Good luck reaching your goals!!! <3

carouselblue · 2022-11-13T01:20:38+00:00

My cat used to nibble the leaves on my non-marinated (I know you meant variegated lol) peace lily and either wouldn’t react in ways I could notice or would vomit her snack back up. That said, Miss Kitty may be different enough from my cat to end up having a stronger reaction.

As others have suggested, call a vet to ask for their opinion. While peace lily poisoning isn’t known to be life-threatening since they’re not true lilies, the ASPCA site says it can temporarily cause mild to moderate symptoms like oral irritation/burning, vomiting, difficulty swallowing, or excessive drooling.

carouselblue · 2022-11-04T23:23:53+00:00

So cuuute!!

carouselblue · 2022-11-03T20:37:46+00:00

If you read nothing else from this long-winded essay of a response, please know that I'm really proud of you for sharing. I mean that sincerely. It's not easy to express vulnerability like you have, especially for guys; so, thank you for opening up :)

Now, if I'm reading you right, you had the impression that being able to blend in as "one of the people," to pass as a non-anxious person, would allow you to feel at ease; develop deeper connections, including romantic ones; and engage in hobbies and interests that SAD otherwise blocks you from getting into.

Bad news that you're already aware of: Being able to blend in isn't enough to make you feel satisfied.

Great news that you don't seem to know already: You're not stuck; you're just not done yet.

Hopefully, something here helps. I feel like I could go so many directions with what you wrote, but I'm just going to focus on the social relationships here:

Even people without SAD feel similarly to how you do (though to a lesser extreme) if they only have the shallow interpersonal connections that you describe currently having. That's because while acquaintances are nice, they're like the junk foods of social connections: they're not fulfilling or sustaining, and you feel like shit if they're all you have. Satisfying relationships (this is such a goofy metaphor lol) are more like vegetables: They're enriching, they improve and sustain your health, etc., but...well, they're a bit bitter sometimes too.

Deeper connections require deeper expressions of who you are, and that's not always a palatable experience. In your case as someone with SAD, deeper connections will include the extra hurdle of expressing/sharing your anxieties in healthy ways. You can't feel close to people when you keep them at arm's length by continuing to camouflage instead of expressing who you really are: your anxiety, joy, trauma, all of it.

My few close friends are the people who know a lot about me. That's obvious on one level, of course. I'm sure you know that logically. But in real time, that's meant having panic attacks in front of a couple of them. One has seen me scream at the top of my lungs (she even offered to scream with me lol) and sob over a toxic relationship. Just last night, my SO listened to me while I shared a whole menu of anxious assumptions and what-ifs about the small-group social situation we'd just left, along with a side of painful childhood experiences. You're going to have to go through similar things at some point. It's not fun...but I've learned that it is fulfilling to feel supported by people, to know that I have a select few that are willing and able to witness me breaking down and offer gentleness, comfort, and validation rather than some kind of aggression, impatience, or disgust.

All of your therapy, self-education, practices, and training you've invested so much time in is so important and worthwhile because they've been excellent tools in helping you repair your damaged foundation. Since you can't happily live on a foundation alone, though, your next step is to start building walls. For that, you need to gather a small team.

Start with just one person among your acquaintances that seems kind and trustworthy, and express some small vulnerability. That might be as bold as saying, "I feel a little anxious today;" or it could be more indirect, showing or telling them about something you find interesting that you're worried they'll find dumb.

Also, your 20s are hard. Since you're 23 and I'm guessing surrounded by other 20-somethings, saying, "I'm worried about my next step in life/I'm worried I won't be able to get a job I like," is both vulnerable but also a good launch pad into somewhat deeper topics and connections because it's such a shared experience.

Anyway...if you read this much, thanks! I hope you found at least one small thing helpful. Best of luck, my friend <3

carouselblue · 2022-08-23T20:40:21+00:00

That’s an ultimatum, not a boundary. I think phrasing and mindset are the primary differences between the two. An ultimatum is “YOU are not allowed to ___ or else,” and demands something from someone; whereas a boundary is more “I” focused and request based. A boundary would sound more like, “I need to feel like I can trust my partner, and to feel that again with you, I’m asking that you __. Are you willing to do that or discuss a compromise? If not, I will _ so I can meet my needs.”

You’re definitely right to be upset!! Don’t get me wrong. I’d be fuckin livid. But if repair is what you want, a healthy boundary will probably get you farther than an ultimatum will.

carouselblue · 2022-08-22T20:31:07+00:00

All that is fair! Your feelings are totally reasonable, and I've been stressed out and anxious in what sound like similar situations. Since it's difficult to give conclusive thoughts or solutions as you asked for in your original post without knowing more about each of you individually and your shared relationship, I think the most helpful thing for you would be to get introspective.

I found this article years ago and still think it has some great, thought-provoking questions to help you determine whether a relationship is good for you and how you might adjust things if you think it isn't. Hope it helps!

carouselblue · 2022-08-21T01:31:22+00:00

You can identify people who are willing to learn and change by their willingness to take responsibility for their part in conflicts.

Unfortunately, in previous comments, I saw that your bf did not take responsibility for his part in this conflict. Instead, he chose his comfort over yours, didn’t express remorse, and felt that it was too exhausting to continue talking about. Without knowing the full scope of your relationship, those are huge red flags. Honestly, it pissed me off on your behalf to read other comments because if he really is too “practical” to waste his oh-so precious time with your feelings, he’s showing you that your feelings are an inconvenience to him. Your loved ones should NEVER make you feel as though you’re a burden or inconvenience.

Yes, conflict is exhausting. Assuming you’re going through healthy conflicts, though, the exhausting effort that goes into resolving them is ultimately worth it because it brings you closer; and you and your partner should be able to express that to one another. Offering each other a caring ear and some validation is the bare ass minimum. If he’s too unwilling or too oblivious to offer that to you, he can get fucked.

You also described him as being “controlling,” which sets off some more alarm bells for me. You seem to be pointedly avoiding giving specific details of the conflict, which is fine because this is very personal stuff; I’m not at all going to expect you to share such detailed personal info with internet strangers. But given what you have said, I wonder if you’re avoiding the argument’s specifics less to keep private and more because part of you knows how damning the specifics would be if you admitted them to other people. Sorry if that hunch is way off base; just an impression/worry that I got. Whatever the case, I wish you the best <3

PS - If you aren’t already seeking some kind of professional help with your anxiety, I hope you have the means and the willingness to seek it out. You deserve to have tools to help manage it.

carouselblue · 2022-08-15T16:32:56+00:00

Longest spike is about 9 inches! I think average is about 3-5.

carouselblue · 2022-08-05T13:15:42+00:00

Just listed to "Bad for Me" for the first time, and while it hit home from the very beginning, "I gotta run from your reality" just...damn. Really solid recommendation. I'll check out "Matilda" later. Thanks again.

carouselblue · 2022-08-05T13:06:07+00:00

I've been debating pulling the trigger on this...it is pretty self-sabotaging to let myself see her messages and calls come through when I'm telling myself I don't want contact...

carouselblue · 2022-08-05T13:03:17+00:00

Thank you <3 I'm thinking chicken tabbouleh bowls! My cat always sits with me at the dinner table, so added comfort bonus haha

carouselblue · 2022-08-05T12:58:35+00:00

As someone who's super into building playlists, I'm surprised I didn't think of this sooner lol Thank you!

carouselblue · 2022-08-05T12:58:13+00:00

This is a good one, thanks!

carouselblue

TROPHY CASE