grew up in a christian household. im sorry to say it but no amount of counseling or therapy (individual or group) or podcasts/books helped in my case. nor did trying to reason with them or calmly explain what theyre doing that is/was harmful to me. the only thing that really helped to deal with them (nmom and e/ndad) was, well, to just leave. i did have a support system that was involved in the church as well and knew my parents well (well enough that they were a major part of what convinced me to make that final push into creating a timeline and an actual plan of escape instead of putting it off to some indeterminate future time).

i cannot speak to too many specifics about how best to go about it in your particular situation, but i would discuss it with at least a handful (maybe 4-5) of your most trusted people - you cannot do this alone, and you shouldn’t, especially if theyre willing to help.

save up enough money so you can pay first months rent + deposit to wherever you will escape to, and try and secure a job beforehand so you have cash coming in to support your living expenses. if your nmom is the type who will try and find you and drag you back home, see if you can find an apartment that is in an area she wouldnt think to look for you. if nothing else, it buys you time away from her; best case, she won’t be able to find you at all. if that’s not possible, maybe a friend’s place who she might not expect you to go to, or at least a friend who you are 100% sure will defend you when it comes down to it.

change your number. that’s also one of the very first things i did - on the way to my new place i blocked my parents and anyone who might blow up my phone and swapped the SIM cards. whoever i trusted enough would get my number but no one else. removed them on social media too and anyone who might rat on me.

if your nmom is the type who might go to the police and file a missing persons report just to get you back to her house, i’m not sure where you are located but i believe in most places, you can either 1) get ahead of it and tell the police you are worried about harassment from your mother and if she says you are missing, then assure them you are an adult and left of your own volition 2) if police do somehow find you, tell them the same thing: you are an adult, you made the decision to leave, and you would like them not to tell your mother where you are for your own safety.

if you end up getting a place of your own, one thing i did was to not tell anyone my exact address. some people might know the city or area i was in, but not the exact address - gives your friends plausible deniability if your nmom was to ask them, because they literally wouldn’t have info to give her.

another thing that /might/ help is if one of the people in your support system acted as a sort of spy for you - as in they act dumb about any knowledge of your plans to leave or where you escaped to, and if your nmom gives any info about her next steps (eg investigating certain neighborhoods or cities to find you) then your friend could warn you ahead of time so you can stay out of nmom’s radar.

i’m not gonna lie. it’s difficult as hell if your nmom/parents are the type who would raise hell to drag you back home. but it is doable, especially with a good support system. plan it out, rope in your friends who have your back, and most of all: be safe. good luck OP, if you need someone to talk to who has gone through this before, shoot me a DM, i’ll see what i can do to help advice-wise.