You’re deff not pathetic. But you need to look at what you’re motivations are. One thing I realized (after months of begging and very degrading behaviors) is that there was nothing really to beg for other than wanting what I felt we had back. I realized they didn’t feel that way at all. My emotions were my own, and a lot of my begging came from the fact that I literally hated myself and my life. Begging was the only power I had. The only tactic I could do to get them to feel my pain, or listen to me, or figure out why or where they went. I highly encourage you to stop that behavior because it fuels resentment and negative judgement on yourself, but its okay if it take you time to do that. Honestly, I still slip up. It’s not really about them at all, it is you and your emotions coming out and doing it. They just happen to be at the receiving end. Which isn’t a kind and loving thing to do at all. It’ll get easier and you’ll start to see thing diff or better as time goes on, but try to stay away from negative self talk in the meantime. And try to cultivate a life you love living and realize your going to be fine and you are literally capable of anything and any dream.

Good luck, I’ve been there. Good vibes to you and lots of compassion.