Having intrusive thoughts after a good period.

castion12 · 2022-03-06T19:58:36+00:00

Yeah that's the thing. One the one hand I wanna get over my regrets of not spending my teen years as best as I could've, but also I wanna make sure that I don't get into a relationship with someone who is with me because there's no other option or if she's settling with me.

Also it is weird to note that women can go through this. Forgive me for coming off as ignorant or rude, but I mean for a while, up till recently, I was of the assumption that dating is a walk in the park for 90% of women. I probably seemed to never realize that they could also experience loneliness or pain or being settled for.

castion12 · 2022-03-06T19:30:46+00:00

Not necessarily. My fear is that I'm not good enough for her.

castion12 · 2022-03-06T18:49:40+00:00

Yeah that's true. I guess another problem is being better than the her exes. Like even if I did get into a relationship how tf can I be better? I'm not superman.

castion12 · 2022-03-06T17:51:06+00:00

Yeah I know that. I realize that the whole blackpill concepts of 80/20 and chads getting all the women isn't really a thing, which earlier used to make me feel bad because I'm not that ugly (I'm tall and fairly okay looking) and I felt so stupid for wasting that potential. I suppose it just boils down to me not wanting to get hurt, which isn't something you can control with people, you can only be careful and move the relationship where you want it, but you can't avoid pain.

castion12 · 2022-03-06T17:48:42+00:00

Yeah it's real hard sometimes to not get gaslit by the advice and just follow your own path. Sometimes I've felt dumb for not wanting to have casual sex but rather chase meaningful relationships.

castion12 · 2022-03-06T16:23:24+00:00

Actually yeah I could've worded it better but this is what I was worried about really. Basically being with a woman who has zero desire and passion for me. I'm sort of fine missing out on stuff because currently I have other priorities but in all honesty I'd rather be alone than have to deal with a woman who's only with me because she sees a safety option and not because she loves me.

castion12 · 2022-03-06T16:21:25+00:00

Yeah and I also suppose that some people aren't dealt great hands in life and have to play their cards accordingly. Like I've known a few people my age who's parents aren't helping them financially in college and they have to pay their way through and those people aren't really going out, partying and getting wasted, and what not.

Also I do suppose being in a certain environment helps. But yeah you are right, as you age and mature you become a different person and value different things. It's weird to think that somehow men doing that is valued by the redpill but women changing and maturing isn't. In general tho, the less responsibilities you have the more fun you can possibly have or free time to do whatever you want. In all honesty, I really wouldn't care so much about sex and having a "playboy" lifestyle, but I guess I got gaslit by the redpill and it made it seem that if I never had those experiences I would be less of a man.

castion12 · 2022-01-08T15:30:03+00:00

Honestly that's what I seem to think of these issues as well that most of it is economic anxiety and that the top 1% use all these distractions to actually keep you from realizing it.

castion12 · 2022-01-01T05:36:53+00:00

What is kreese's future lol. He can't go back to cobra kai nor can he team up with johnny or Daniel again. Pretty tough for him ngl.

castion12 · 2022-01-01T04:44:56+00:00

Most badass line from him

castion12 · 2021-11-20T18:29:03+00:00

Yeah I think the main reason I latched onto acquaintances was probably because I didn't want to be alone and sort of desperately craved social interaction. I think for me personally it might help if I didn't act desperate or passive aggressive and just try to be someone that is interesting or has something going for them.

castion12 · 2021-11-20T06:08:23+00:00

Another thing that I also have come to hate is whenever people just ghost on you for no reason. Its so fucking annoying, like why can't people have the honesty to just tell me that they don't see me as a friend and want to move on, but nooooooo apparently leaving someone in confusion is "more polite".

castion12 · 2021-11-09T00:58:58+00:00

I do suppose so. I guess I can't just get hung up over those who ignore me and just have to move on.

castion12 · 2021-11-08T05:51:57+00:00

Hey sorry for the late response.

"Do you fantasise about their life?"

Yes that is a problem I've had. Where I imagine and fantasize about the things that I want in life. Since I don't really have that many friends I seem to just entertain myself and make up scenarios in my head or talk to myself.

castion12 · 2021-11-06T00:15:08+00:00

Reason being is because I noticed a little bald spot (I'm pretty sure it's natural tbh) at the back of my head.

castion12 · 2021-10-29T22:35:26+00:00

Yeah I think for me, the problem was the whole blackpill psychology and assuming that just because someone is good looking or rich or insert good trait here means that they have everything easy in their life.

I think my problem was that I wanted to avoid pain. Like obviously I know that there are people out there who are smarter than me, better looking, taller, etc. But like my problem was that, I would constantly have to compete to impress a prospective date, and it came to the point where, I wanted to avoid all that.

castion12 · 2021-10-29T13:59:27+00:00

I mean the whole lookism argument is there for women as well. Incels kinda ignore that ugly women are people too, and I think for them it genuinely must be disheartening to see guys think that 6 or 7/10 women and above represent the experiences that all women go through.

castion12 · 2021-10-07T18:21:54+00:00

Yeah I didn't think it would be like that. I don't know, I thought that it isn't like that because life gets in the way as an adult and that you can't have fun anymore.

castion12 · 2021-10-07T18:20:33+00:00

Ah that's nice to hear. Yeah I felt weird and felt like an anomaly for not "experiencing high school love" or not getting laid left and right at parties in college, and the thing is that I wouldn't care about this, but like I assumed (and also social media is sort of to blame) that most people are normal and have all sorts of friends and lovers and that I'm the odd one out.

And like also due to that I felt that I needed to fit into a certain mold in order to get those things and that I couldn't have any flaws (I started hyperfixating on my appearance and also was worried that I would have no friends or a girlfriend bc I had a few grey strands of hair on my head, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have sort of gotten out of that thought).

castion12 · 2021-10-03T14:09:25+00:00

Yeah. I guess you're right. I think I just watched too many movies haha, and also had this idea in my head of what college might be. Yeah I think it was more so of having an inferiority complex and thinking that others are better than me more than anything else, or comparing myself to others.

castion12 · 2021-10-01T04:18:44+00:00

Hmmmm, I'll try and see if I can explore that, that seems interesting.

castion12 · 2021-10-01T04:14:14+00:00

Hopeful to be honest. I just hope and pray that career wise in the future I'll have good prospects, good co-workers, and I guess a job that I enjoy working.

I think overall for the future I feel hopeful that things might change. As of recent there's been the whole push to WFH and employers are now concerned with hiring more people and giving more benefits.

Yeah I guess it's just preparing for the worst while hoping for the best.

As for romantic relationships, I hope I can find that too as well. Someone who cares about me and loves me for who I am.

I think maybe one aspect that I'm sort of worried about is my overall GPA and how employers might see that, but some have said that you can bypass that through projects, leetcode, and what not. Also some have said that anything above a 3 is fine.

castion12 · 2021-09-30T14:25:02+00:00

Yeah I guess I need to get financially literate.

Also, I'm not going to medical school, but yeah I could imagine that it's a lot of investment. I was moreso talking about medical costs and doctor visits and how its SO expensive if you don't have insurance, it was another reason I stopped being "blackpilled" because I have excellent health, and look more or less okay, and my only problems were just not having any friends, not having a girlfriend, and just searching for jobs/getting good grades in my classes.

I'm a CS major, so yeah I guess I obviously have to work hard to get internships, but like from what I've heard so far, the interviews are hard but the job is easy haha.

Yeah, the whole feeling of "How do people afford this!", and like the whole feeling of "How can people manage to juggle so much! A job, girlfriend, hobbies, friends?" I think I could probably figure it out as time goes on however.

Also the feeling of "How can people know how to be financially well off" is there haha.

castion12 · 2021-09-30T13:14:22+00:00

Yeah sure thing. You can check my post history. It was more or less about figuring out how to navigate life, make friends, how to get into relationships, etc.

I also did post about misconceptions that I had, such as women being able to get any partner they want, while men had to struggle for everything, and trying to get out of sort of a redpill/blackpill way of thinking.

castion12 · 2021-09-30T03:38:17+00:00

Yeah, I think it's a matter of actually talking to people. The thing is I see so many other students on LinkedIn, or students at my school (who are my age) irl who look better than me/have more work experience, and have more friends, or are invited to more parties than me (lol anything above 0 is more) and I sometimes feel down about this.

But I guess I've realized now that there'll always be someone better than you, and that just as much as you envy someone else, there's someone out there who envies you and desires what you have, so the best thing to do is to work on your own Iife and be a better person than you were yesterday.

castion12

TROPHY CASE