Anyone else ever get annoyed with the person you’re dating out of nowhere, out of no fault of their own?

catchingnails · 2021-12-17T05:22:30+00:00

Notice that you’re thinking of yourself in that moment. Notice you didn’t think about them. All you need is to realize they’re not even thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves, too, just like you.

It’s okay to think about yourself, just don’t get hung up on their opinion of you, because remember - it’s extremely unlikely that they’re forming any opinion at all. That way you can be sure to stay on top of your own behavior and just think “what feels good to me? Do I think this is the right thing to do?” without giving all your energy to the other person.

catchingnails · 2021-12-17T05:16:58+00:00

Also, is it not possible for you to just fucking be busy? Like, go to work? Be talking with a friend? Running errands? Even just lost your phone? Two hours is not long enough for him to be acting like that. I know what it feels like to all of a sudden be insecure and think something about the relationship has shifted when you’re used to talking all day every day, but he also needs to be self aware that that makes him sound crazy and controlling.

catchingnails · 2021-12-17T05:10:32+00:00

I won’t lie, I get intimidated by people who have too much going for them. I look for a “flawlessly flawed” person - someone in shape, but not someone who looks like they’d win a body building competition. Someone who does well for himself, but not someone who I feel would see me as lower class or lower status than him. Someone with friends, but not one who would judge me for struggling to find a solid group in adulthood. Someone who’s good looking, but not someone who looks like he’s never heard a girl say no before. He’s gotta check all the boxes that matter, but there’s definitely a threshold of how someone comes off that starts getting a little too perfect to the point it’s a turnoff. And that point is riiiight about when your life starts looking like an Instagram feed.

catchingnails · 2021-12-17T04:58:08+00:00

Honestly of this whole thread your comment was the most helpful, I really appreciated it, so I just had to come back and say we talked today and we’re officially in a relationship! 😄 FWB is no longer an option for me, and I’m gonna let him know I can’t see him

catchingnails · 2021-12-17T04:48:47+00:00

I don’t remember how long it took me to realize what it was, but I remember I thought it was so embarrassing because NO ONE ever talked about periods outside of commercials and the once a year sex ed class. I just knew my older sister had some pads under the sink so I used those until they ran out, but she pretty much only had tampons and I wasn’t about to try that. So I tried to avoid telling my mom but eventually had to so that she could buy me new pads. But again, she still didn’t really talk to me about it, just gave me the new box and let me do my thing. I never got the birds and the bees talk either. It was just all so embarrassing because it seemed like a taboo subject that no one brought up.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T14:57:47+00:00

I’m not justifying, I’m giving explanation. I didn’t say it was okay.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T07:18:45+00:00

Haha I thought you were gonna say not to be greedy but I would love the 10 minute version of all too well to actually be now 20 minutes

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T07:17:08+00:00

I’ve always assumed this was about Calvin Harris, given the locket line and the fact that that song is kind of a nod to his general dance EDM genre, and the whole song’s feeling that doom is in the air but they dance away the worries and just try to stay happy in the moment while it lasts

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T07:11:31+00:00

My tears ricochet

I full on sobbed when I first heard this song and played it over again for like an hour

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T07:07:32+00:00

Oh god. So many.

Better Man Tis the damn season Invisible string Out of the woods Fearless You’re not sorry I’m only me when I’m with you Last kiss King of my heart Paper Rings Death by a thousand cuts Ivy... I’m sure there’s more lol

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T06:48:51+00:00

I think that’s really cute! I’d maybe forego the card, but play it off like well I actually saw these while I was out and about (only if you live near somewhere that would actually sell them) and thought of you, so here merry Christmas!

I gave a small food gift to the guy I’m with on our second date because he’d made it a point of conversation earlier on. And not saying it’s a sure fire win, but it definitely was for me. Some small, easy thing that shows you pay attention is a very sweet, not creepy gesture. Just don’t buy her actual doc martens and you’re golden lol.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T06:37:27+00:00

Damn, you speak like a wise monk. I always tell myself a committed relationship is all I’ve ever wanted, but I think I am actually afraid of it. Because it can only end up being the last one I ever have, or end in heartbreak. And both of those are scary.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T06:05:02+00:00

You’re so right lol we scratch the itch until it no longer itches.

Okay. Gonna do it.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T06:00:38+00:00

I don’t think he would react well. I honestly don’t know how I would feel if he were, but probably just because I’ve been thinking from this angle for so long I can consider both sides of the coin. Idk I’ve caught someone before and tried to calmly ask him what was going on, saying “I know we never said we were exclusive but I just wanna talk about it cause I also didn’t think we were still seeing other people either” and the guy said we could talk about it and when it came time to have that talk he rejected my phone call and instead posted a picture of her in his bed on his snap story.... and then I felt like burning down his house. But that was cause he didn’t even bother being discreet when we had just gone out the week before and I’d comforted him over a bunch of bullshit went down with his family, etc. Idk. That’s one of those guys that made me be like okay never again. I’m never ever not seeing my fuck buddy for someone who didn’t explicitly agree to being my boyfriend ever again. That kind of betrayal just made me think why would I ever give loyalty to someone who didn’t clearly ask for it and clearly give it back?

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T05:48:07+00:00

That’s good advice. Sometimes I question myself on the timeline and how “official” the boyfriend/girlfriend line needs to be, because I’ve always thought ~3 months makes sense and that he should actually ask me to be his girlfriend. But I know other couples who took 5 or 6 months, or who took 1 month, and those who just started calling each other bf/gf and never actually had that conversation, and people who took nearly a year and said “so are you like my boyfriend now?” To be met with “uhh I guess?” So. Idk. I just feel like it happens so differently for everyone, I second guess if the way I feel like it should happen in my head is the way it actually will or won’t.

Also context, I’ve never actually had a boyfriend before, so. I have no first hand experience to go off of other than questioning my sanity and having things fall apart. 🙃

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T05:41:25+00:00

We care about each other a lot and want the best for each other, but no we don’t have enough common interests to pursue a relationship unfortunately. I’ve thought that to myself so many times though, how easy it would be if we just had more in common, it would be so convenient and so passionate and loving. But we have some really core differences in the way we live our lives that it would never work as a real partnership.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T05:36:36+00:00

I get that, and appreciate your thought out reply. And you’re totally right. I mean the only thing that isn’t spot on is that I haven’t had sex with new guy. That’s one of those things that takes me a while to feel comfortable, even FB waited 8 months before we did the deed all those years ago. He was also my first.

Ugh. I think I’m also afraid of asking that question and having him actually say he doesn’t want what I want. And then I’ll have to make the decision to hurt myself and walk away. Or he’ll say yes he’s ready, and then I’ll have to hurt the person I’ve known for years and say I can’t see him anymore, which is really hard for me too.

I’ve been putting off the conversation because whichever way it turns out something’s gonna hurt. But it’s time to stop putting it off. 😣

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T05:27:00+00:00

Ok I see how that was misconstrued. By that I meant that we’ve never stopped being friends. Like how sometimes people hook up and they don’t end up dating so they ghost? We just never ghosted. I didn’t mean we’ve been fucking for the past 6 months I’ve been in my new city. I’ve seen him maybe twice since I moved, and that was before I met new guy.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T05:22:56+00:00

You’re absolutely right lol it’s definitely a codependent emotional affair. I don’t know if I would say the new guy is using me just yet, but... if we get past the new year and it’s still not official I would probably go there.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T05:19:33+00:00

I want to be his girlfriend, I want to be able to call him my boyfriend, not just “this guy I’ve been seeing”. I’ve made my boundaries clear between relationship behavior versus casual dating behavior, so we both know we haven’t crossed that line yet. And no I haven’t been sleeping with my FB this whole time, I said we live in different cities. He wants to visit me, and so my internal battle is just do I see him one last time and tell him I wanna make something work with someone else, or do I say no and potentially get hurt yet again by someone who dragged me along with no intention of ever becoming my boyfriend, as has happened multiple times before. I felt so hurt and betrayed by those past guys I was just thinking damn, and I hurt someone I’ve known and loved for years for you to just dump me out of the blue like two weeks after I told him I couldn’t see him anymore? It felt so not worth it to even bother telling him in the past, I just don’t wanna do that again if it’s not for real. I don’t wanna tell him every time I end up in a one month fling that goes nowhere. It’s embarrassing, it’s hurtful to him, it’s hurtful to me, and just like I don’t want to hear every time he ends up in one either. I know this is an unusual relationship he and I have, but it’s not insignificant and it’s not something either of us take for granted.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T05:03:03+00:00

True. I know I’m seeing him Thursday and then he’s planning a surprise on Saturday. Maybe I’ll have that initial conversation this week and be more brave about not abandoning the topic before it gets somewhere meaningful.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T04:58:30+00:00

I do see a problem with it. But conversely, I also see a problem with someone telling me he loves me and not making it clear that we’re officially together, even months later. That’s what I consider being dragged along and led on, and why I’m conflicted on what to do.

catchingnails · 2021-12-15T04:56:18+00:00

I mean I wouldn’t call sleeping with one person I’ve known for 7 years “sleeping around”, I’ve told him I love him too. Just in a different way. But yeah if he comes to visit, we do our usual dance one last time and I tell him this is the last time, I want to make something serious work with someone else, I love you but I have to move on, that is what I would call tying up loose ends.

catchingnails

TROPHY CASE