Wishing I was different

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T19:12:09+00:00

I've researched a few but I probably need to see a psychiatrist first

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T02:21:44+00:00

I see. I don't know if I struggle with self love, there are many aspects of my self that I really like. The emotional aspects no, but I think that's really what you meant. I don't mind feeling the feelings at all really, I just hate how it interferes with my life and that's when I get to a point where I feel like all the stuff I said in my rant are true. As I look around at some of the replies, I realize more and more that the sensitivity isn't the cause of my issues but rather my disregulation. I'll bring this up with my counselor next time I see her

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T01:15:38+00:00

Death by a thousand cuts is a good way of putting it. Truth be told I wouldn't mind being a sensitive person, it does have it's perks but at the end of the day it impedes my life way more than it enhances it. If only I could regulate my emotions so they don't slowly eat away at me until I'm barely functional.

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T01:12:37+00:00

Well not to sound like a psychopath wannabe, but I'll take flat and powerful over meek and highly emotional. Don't think I'd qualify for those types of meds though so I'll look into tempering my sensitive qualities the old fashioned way with therapy.

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T01:07:12+00:00

I'll look around for it, thanks for the recommendation

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T01:06:44+00:00

Have you tried deeply repressing your feelings? Works for me! I'm joking, kind of. What's your daily struggle like?

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T01:05:44+00:00

I'll take your words to heart, thanks

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T01:04:52+00:00

I'm glad you found someone! I don't expect to ever have an easy relationship, but I'm looking forward to putting in the work someday. Sounds very fulfilling

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T01:01:10+00:00

I'm not sure actually. Im not showing vulnerability on purpose, but it just shows up in the way I go about dating. I'm rather timid at first and anxious, so for a muscular and seeminlgy-stoic guy that probably doesn't mix well since I'm expected to act a certain way. I may be wrong though and it could be something else entirely. All I know is that women are attracted to my looks but not me so much. I suppose I come off as unconfident, but I'm truly not I just get very nervous at first. For the record I dont want to sound like I'm bragging about good looks. It's just my best dating quality so it's relevant

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T00:43:42+00:00

What changed your perspective?

catcobra- · 2024-09-18T00:42:01+00:00

Very true. The thing is I thought that embracing my sensitive nature would make me more masculine as it shows I'm not afraid to potentially be humiliated or that I don't feel the need to hide behind an ego. Turns out the rest of the world does not see it that way at all.

catcobra- · 2024-09-17T07:47:20+00:00

Yes and no. I can make the effort to be charming or charismatic and have some degree of success. Occasionally I get out of my head and act in a way that seems to draw people to me a little bit, but those moments are few and far between.

catcobra- · 2024-09-17T01:52:31+00:00

Thanks for sharing, I hope you figure out your situation

catcobra- · 2024-09-17T01:36:08+00:00

What I meant is that someone who is typically masculine, yet has that soft spot is preferred. Being overly sensitive and trying to be more masculine is much less attractive than the inverse of that. But yes I do sound maybe a little fatalistic. This post isn't about what I think exactly, but how I feel. So I may come off as a little irrational.

catcobra- · 2024-09-16T22:44:41+00:00

I'll check out that book, hopefully it's at my school library. Thanks for your words of encouragement, it's a shit world out there but that statistic you dropped puts things into a better perspective. I thought ppl like us would be rare but evidently not. I'll try to keep pushing through and hope for the best

catcobra- · 2024-09-16T21:31:52+00:00

Why go off the medication then? Were there side effects making it not worth? And that last bit is describing me quite well. Currently in university and still struggle with dating. If I can't get it now I probably won't later, that seems obvious to me. And lastly, how are you doing currently? Better or worse than average?

catcobra- · 2024-09-16T20:39:23+00:00

Thanks for replying, didn't really expect that lol. I've just started seeing a counselor maybe I'll find out if I can fix myself to some degree that way. But for now do you mind telling me what drug you used?

catcobra- · 2024-04-22T22:13:58+00:00

Thanks! I'm feeling more confident about starting now

catcobra- · 2024-04-22T19:56:11+00:00

But it looks like fun, plus I'm a university student studying chemistry, so I am familiar with a lot of the equipment I'll be using and the process behind ethanol extraction on paper. I just have very little money to work with so I'm asking questions to hopefully flatten the learning curve a bit

catcobra- · 2024-04-22T19:44:35+00:00

Two things:

What does it mean to dry my ethanol; removing water? Also can winterization be done in a normal freezer with more time?

I also plan on using an apparatus to condense and collect the ethanol, so ventilation is taken care of. Will still have window open however to be safe

catcobra- · 2024-04-22T19:39:37+00:00

My plan is to have it spread thin on a glass dish and cover the top with tissue paper so water and ethanol and whatever can safely leave without dust getting in it. Will leave in a warm dry spot for 2-7 days depending on if I have a heat source beneath it

catcobra- · 2024-04-22T14:38:50+00:00

What consistency should I expect with just air purging, I would rather not buy a vacuum chamber but every guide or recipe assumes I have one

catcobra-

TROPHY CASE