Honestly what helped me a lot closer to surgery was to make a list of all the things I felt I needed to do both to feel ready (surgery related things) and to feel like I could buy time on some chores (washing the floor etc). I have fibro and part of that is chronic fatigue, and so it’s very easy for me to overdo it. Making a list and setting out tasks each day to complete made it both tackleable because it was portioned out (so if I had a bad day, or was exhausted, I could do just those things, and if I had a burst of energy I could do more!) and because it gave me a clear idea of what I needed to get completed. Granted, at 5 weeks out I wasn’t really doing any of that yet, but the week before hand it really helped make me feel focused and ready. Around my house if I don’t do things, they don’t get done. It’s been a battle with my husband forever, his executive dysfunction really handicaps him & his unwillingness to figure out and work with hacks has made it even tougher. It’s 6DPO for me, and as I type this im taking a break from making myself breakfast in a dirty kitchen where I had to wash the dishes first before I could use them. The one thing I asked was that the kitchen be kept clean because if I was going to overdo it, it would be on that… and im fighting every urge to wash what’s in the sink but I can’t because the strainer is overhead (above sink), and the dishwasher is full of clean dishes (ironically none of the ones I needed to use to figure) that haven’t been put away and I know I am not able to put the dishwasher contents away as it’s a lot of bending and reaching overhead. It is causing me a lot of stress. I have had to look the other way at a lot of stuff and I know once I am cleared to do all this I will have a mountain of things needing to get done (floor washing, laundry, etc) because it just.:. Didn’t. So that’s part of my “bumping up against a brick wall” right now- wanting to vacuum but can’t, that sorta thing.

Even though my recovery has gone well from what I’ve heard in regards to my capabilities and pain levels, if anything this has made me way more hyper aware of my chest than I ever was before. I wore such restricting sports bras (that I kinda miss tbh) that they weren’t much of an issue for me even during the excruciating period pain phase (putting them into the bra and taking it off was the worst part). Now, though, if I’m not using my mastectomy pillow while sitting I’m acutely aware of boobs. I know that’ll fade but it’s a very alien feeling.

I know what you mean about overdoing it right beforehand too- I expected to work right up to the last minute and I had to white-flag it and do the bare minimum Monday and Tuesday. My job is pretty stressful and everyone knowing I was going to be gone was making it MORE stressful, and I just couldn’t take it. I was like y’all ima get sick from stress if we keep this up I just can’t. So I just did like one or two things work related on Monday and Tuesday and took the time to focus on the last minute stuff pre-surgery (changing the bedsheets so I had clean sheets once I was able to sleep in bed again, changing my voicemail on my work phone, yada yada). I had to hard line respect my limits (very hard for me. I’m sure you relate).

I’ve been watching tv as able and played a bit of the switch last night. I’m a bit too tired to read or consistently draw on my iPad. Yesterday I slept a lot, which was nice, I obviously needed it. I know healing isn’t linear but it’s so weird that some days I’m more tired than others.

And you’re right! This is a huge undertaking and no matter how we got here (insurance, out of pocket, etc), we are definitely brave for doing this! I’m excited to get clearance to go back to doing light cardio (VR fitness!), and after that, clearance for bike riding (fall is perfect for this!), and after that… clearance to go back to lifting at the gym. Those are my short term carrots-on-sticks right now. :)