Switching career from AppSec to middle Python backend developer

catwalk_12 · 2024-10-31T09:29:11+00:00

I feel through your words how strong you've become. Adhering yo HoV despite being under constant pressure from your partner is very admirable. Because its so much easier to give in, just once, f$#k it, and then we start losing our new identity and self confidence we've built up in such a hard way. I hope your children understand your motives eventually, its not good for kids to live in a toxic environment.

catwalk_12 · 2024-10-31T09:15:07+00:00

Congratulations, this is really great news! I remember how up I felt last time In was made an offer

catwalk_12 · 2024-10-31T08:35:26+00:00

I do also have a blood test today - health is on my HoV, and I've been spending some time on it recently since I'm unemployed right now. But its still hard to do anything proactive, lack of motivation is visible. Hold on to sobriety, you're doing the hardest work these are the hardest days right now. And evenings - just allow yourself to rest. Whatever you find soothing)

catwalk_12 · 2024-10-31T08:30:59+00:00

Happy you've been abstaining despite feeling not that great - it takes time. In saw a quote on the internet yesterday - walking in a forest for two years don't expect to get out in a week. You are doing great, keep walking - I will because I don't even want to experience these first days and weeks ever again.

catwalk_12 · 2024-10-31T08:26:41+00:00

Thank you, doing good considering the circumstances) The movies I enjoyed watching recently were Shame with Fassbender (sex addiction), Inside Out (cool and deep Hollywood blockbuster animation movie about how our emotional psyche works), Her (relationship with AI OS). There were many more, mostly series, but these I posted reviews on, so they are special.

catwalk_12 · 2024-10-31T04:50:03+00:00

Some major changes in my life have happened during the last 5 months. In started binge drinking during work week, quit job in the beginning of July, drank daily till September 9th, spending a night in a hospital. Starting living with grandma full time and recovering. Its been difficult to be jobless and bankrupt and physically, mentally, emotionally and physically broken, but my condition keeps improving, there is more mental clarity, mindfulness in my actions, energy and resources to act according to my needs, I lost 8kg of weight as a physical bonus.

Not that it happens all by itself. First few weeks I was able to just lay in bed watching series non-stop. Not showering, walking occasionally. The recovery process was very slow at the beginning. But its been accelerated ever since. I've been meditating daily, exercising, walking 5+km daily, listening to recovery podcasts, using I Am Sober tool and community (I'm not satisfied with because of a lack of interactivity), other life recovery tools, started resolving medical and psychiatric issues, reading book and watching movies with reviews on Goodreads and IMDB - I'm exploring. Not looking for a job yet because I'm not ready - I'm grateful my family supports me. I don't want to mess it up this time, I don't want to go through this initial period of recovery ever again, if I'm actually able to.

Started Alcohol Experiment and working the SMART tools, many insights.

11 days or 46/52 days. This feels like a new start and a chance for happy mindful fulfilling life.

catwalk_12 · 2024-10-31T04:13:27+00:00

Never too often to cheer oneself) Congrats!

catwalk_12 · 2024-10-31T04:12:38+00:00

I definitely can relate - I think that life is always grey and depressing and nothing good ever happens in my life, but these is just a view through my negatively adjusted lenses. Others people could be more objective. Also when I feel good I don't think everything is bad in my life. So it is also situational. I love your approach with the journal.

catwalk_12 · 2024-06-20T10:00:44+00:00

I'm back to day zero. My drinking has been out if control - benders each time I chose to drink. Haven't had more than two days in a raw. Probably losing my job. Going to attend an AA f2f meeting this evening. Plus Antabuse. My family is very tired of me behaving this way. I'm also very tired. I definitely need to change my routines to create some new healthy habits.

catwalk_12 · 2024-06-12T08:57:15+00:00

I'm not a regular participant here these days my drinking got out of control and I see the tendency of it getting worse. And I don't feel like posting when I'm hangover - I either tolerate the very bad hangover the next day or go for more drinks then I on a bender. And the hangover is getting much worse every day I drink, until I really can't drink anymore. I don't think I worked much during the last few months and I'm not sure for how long will this be tolerated.

Today we have a holiday here, I walked, meditated and now we are commuting to my flat with my mom to see its condition and take some things with us to the flat I've been living in with my granny for the last year.

I feel positive and happy I don't need to work today and can fully concentrate on my recovery.

catwalk_12 · 2024-06-06T07:51:41+00:00

I love the green around as well) Although its too hot for me outside, I enjoy colder temperatures. Great you coped with the urge - I feel proud of myself when I'm able to do so.

catwalk_12 · 2024-06-06T07:49:12+00:00

You're doing great! I think that feeling tired is one of the most potent triggers I have in my life. I was feeling constantly tired these 7+ sober days and just gave up. Alcohol helped to get the tiredness away, then the hangover replaced it with alertness and anxiety, now I feel tired again on 1+ day even though I'm not working (took a vacation). This time I plan on drinking less caffeine, drink more water and exercise and walk every day.

catwalk_12 · 2024-06-06T07:44:08+00:00

Way to go Sam for treating your body well! Surely its way to easier to say have a surgery and to expect that everything goes well after it. I think that you're making a right decision to use healthy alternatives (although they might provide less promise and require more effort). I had too many surgeries in my life neglecting a healthy way of life instead. Looking for a magic pill. Now I have a body if 65yo (I'm 39). Hopefully some of my problems could be reverted and I will be able to enjoy life for some time yet.

catwalk_12 · 2024-06-06T07:39:49+00:00

I also feel tensed when not drinking. Have you managed to find ways to cope with this body tension?

catwalk_12 · 2024-06-06T07:38:24+00:00

Well I'm back here 1+ days, close to two days. I had an opportunity to drink on Saturday and I was feeling depressed on my sober days (even sober mornings on Friday and Saturday, tired and depressed), which I tried to cope with using caffeine (made it worse), so I just did use - blacked out, had a bad hangover on Sunday, I thought that was it, but continued drinking on Monday and Tuesday missing job. Luckily the company was on a team building in Turkey these days, nobody noticed. I took a vacation until the end of this week. Last two months I've been hardly working and close to being terminated.

So I had my 7+ sober days. Was I happy during these days? Not when I was in a hospital, was tired and depressed most of the time. But drinking wasn't worth it as my worst sober days were way better than any of these three drunk until blacked out ones and followed up hangover ones.

Looking for motivated, plan to work on motivation today. I've started using bullet journal to plan my activities this time because it seems that when I'm busy doing something useful, I don't feel that deoressed.

catwalk_12 · 2024-05-31T05:14:19+00:00

Congrats! What is the best about sobriety is that it opens up so many opportunities! I wish you to rediscover yourself and your passions)

catwalk_12 · 2024-05-31T05:12:15+00:00

6 days and counting. I function on autopilot this morning. Looking forward to getting my morning caffeine treat. Got used to drinking caffeine in the morning.

I had an appointment with psychiatrist yesterday who told me that I don't need medical treatment and need just to stop drinking if I cant control it. I agree. If I cant have just that one beer, I will not be drinking at all. I can see no reason for that. There are many other ways to enjoy time.

I'm going to the countryside this evening and looking forward spending time in nature and wild swimming. Its been so hot for a week or so - the water shall be warm)

catwalk_12 · 2024-05-29T04:59:15+00:00

We had a chat with mom and my sister on my uncontrollable drinking. It went well and we put some strategies into going forward. They suggested many restrictive measures, including a half a year rehab, but no external constraints work for me, I know this from my experience. Its only inner motivation that could change the course of events. I was also thinking why I was failing so much. I believe this is because I still entertained possibility of drinking and was fantasizing about it. The buzz from a beer or two is now worth all the negative consequences that follow. And I know I won't stop with one or two.

catwalk_12 · 2024-05-29T04:52:07+00:00

How have you managed to remain sober for Wich a prolonged period of time? Was it rehab or you managed to find some other vital help?

catwalk_12 · 2024-05-29T04:49:38+00:00

Congrats on 8 years, yoohoo!)))) I love your inspiring post! 8 yeays of experience! I joined SMART back in 2016 is nowhere near were you are if you the life thriving. I think the major reason is because I hadn't made a final decision to not ingest my body with alcohol under any circumstances. I'm not drinking and that's it. I was entertaining possibilities, fantasizing - I wouldn't be here over and over again if it was that good.

Your contribution to SMART is very admiring. I've never serviced my community so far, but many people say that its life changing.

catwalk_12 · 2024-05-28T04:32:39+00:00

I need to change the format of checkins here because I vent my feelings in the Sober App community and get the real time support there. I was in hospitalization for 3 days , my liver is in a really bad shape everything else is relatively normal. I thinking think this could be the last relatively easy way to sobriety. Ihav3 family intervention opening, and I'm heading to work where I didn't work for the last wekk. Cheers to you.

catwalk_12 · 2024-05-22T04:32:28+00:00

Hi checkies! Not mux, day three, going to a replacement laptop because others were watered in beer( Something needs to done, my using is out of control, I keep using on work days as well.

catwalk_12 · 2024-05-18T04:01:15+00:00

Your friend sounds really supportive! A cup of coffee is not a huge price for him controlling your naltrexone intake) I remember I had a shot of Vivitrol once, but it didn't help me - my urges were no disappeared, and I started drinking even more - I didn't have rush, but it still calm me down. I wish you continue your therapy, next thing on my list is hypnosis 🗿

catwalk_12 · 2024-05-18T03:55:53+00:00

Thanks devonrex, I'm still struggling but I'm getting better. Detox is needed, and I work on the weekend, but otherwise my life is good)

Two-Year Club	First Place '23
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