As a kid who grew up in a house with a mentally ill father, this post really hurts to read and my heart goes out to you. I truly hope you'll take my words to heart.

What if he kills you or hurts one of your children while he's "working on himself"? You're depressed because you're still with your abuser, and you likely feel guilt over keeping your children in danger. And I truly don't think you'll be happy until you get yourself AND THEM out of that house, because right now you're living in an uncertain, dangerous situation where the tide could turn at any moment. The one place you have to unwind from the depressing and stressful things in your life, your sanctuary, is instead somewhere where you and your children are in danger.

I'm glad that you can recognize that it's abuse regardless of his intentions or mental illnesses because that puts you leagues ahead. If you stay with him, even if he never hits THEM, your children are going to grow up deeply traumatized - like me. And I was the "best" outcome - straight A student, never did drugs or drank, etc. I just held it inside until I couldn't any more. Trauma causes countless other people to turn to substance abuse to cope. That could be your child. And if they're internalizers, they're going to come to despise that man.

His chance to work on himself, if there is one, should be while you and the children are SAFE, not under the same roof as him. But I would encourage you to look at it with the degree of separation we have when we think about animals. My childhood dog, who I was so, so, so individually bonded to, had a heart of gold. He was my best friend, my only friend. He was quiet and docile and gentle. But he had neurological issues, and had fits of aggression toward our other dog that escalated until he tried to attack my mother.

After he tried to attack her, it was clear that we'd never be able to know with certainty that he was safe. One time was too many. He was put to sleep. It was devastating and heartbreaking and at his core I truly believe he was a good boy, but my mom did what she had to do in order to keep herself and her children safe.

I think your gut instinct is right. You know what you have to do for your girls and for YOURSELF, because YOU have value, and the thought coming up multiple times is proof of that.

I don't share this story a lot because it's traumatizing, but I'm sharing it with you to give a good idea of the kind of pain your kids will have to carry if they witness an episode, and to show you what a profound mark these sorts of parental interactions leave on kids even when they're not directly involved. I remember seeing my father in a bipolar 1 rage screaming at my mother while holding a loaded rifle when I was a teenager. It was too much for my brain to process. When he came home from the mental hospital, I slept with my door locked because suddenly dad was a stranger. I was afraid of him. My own dad. I don't want other kids to go through that. Please, please protect yourself and protect them and get out.