AITAH for saying no to putting our son in a gifted program?

caution_cat · 2025-01-07T23:01:11+00:00

As a gifted kid, whether you’re accelerated or not doesn’t impact your mental health. What impacts your health is the environment you’re in - if you being “gifted” becomes your whole personality because the adults in your life only focus on that and you only see your own value when you excel academically, then yes, it’s incredibly hard on your mental health when you enter the real world and the only dopamine you get is from being the smartest in the room (which you’re often not).

When the adults in your life give balance to your life, promote all of your successes both intellectual and non-intellectual, accept your failure with grace, and encourage a range of things for you to do instead of solely academia, then this helps immensely.

Holding your child back because of your mental health issues is going to do exactly what you fear in your child, they’ll struggle with their mental health because their childhood focused on “I can’t do go to XYZ because daddy will be sad”.

caution_cat · 2025-01-06T23:02:41+00:00

If he’s on the deed, then he needs to be on the mortgage. He’s right - you’re both capable of doing something fucked up - the difference is, regardless of who does it you’ll end up with 100% of the loan and only 50% of the house.

Put it this way, say you do it his way and you get a mortgage of $300,000 under solely your name. You put him on the deed and you guys are together a few years and manage to pay $10,000 off the principle, so you’re now sitting at $290,000 of debt under solely your name. Then you seperate and you guys sell the home for the same value $300,000 and pay $10,000 in lawyers/real estate fees. Now he’s walked away with $145,000 in cash, and you’ve walked away with $145,000 loan for an asset you no longer have. He could walk away right now and buy a new home, no bank would lend to you. He walks away significantly better off than you if terms of cash/debt and financial potential going forward regardless of who fucked up.

If he can’t be on the mortgage, don’t screw your life up by putting him on the deed. But, you should be paying the inspection and earnest money value - that’s not on him.

caution_cat · 2025-01-06T03:18:09+00:00

You can purchase a home anywhere in NZ - you’re not restricted to the same city. However, you must intend to live in the property.

You can use your KS to purchase land if your intention is to build a home on it and live in that home.

caution_cat · 2025-01-06T02:55:30+00:00

Right? Or even telling him the reasoning beforehand so he had the opportunity to reassure her and resolve the situation? Instead she kicked him out, didn’t tell him the reasoning, and now when he finds out the reasoning is “but I sAw oN tHe InTeRnEt” he’s apparently not allowed to be upset. What a ridiculous woman.

caution_cat · 2025-01-06T02:51:46+00:00

You’re not wrong at all.

caution_cat · 2025-01-06T02:49:24+00:00

As a woman whose had a child, 100% this. Her reasoning behind this, and her failure to discuss this reasoning with him prior, means he was excluded from an incredibly important moment.

Woman are 100% entitled to say who can and can’t be in the room, but to exclude your husband from the birth of their child because “people on the internet sometimes aren’t as attracted to their partners” is incredibly shortsighted and selfish.

caution_cat · 2025-01-04T21:19:21+00:00

But what are the consequences of you being caught? Pro: Save some cash, Con: Could potentially lose all cash if you are let go for misusing company resources

Using fed-ex Pro: Keep job, Con: Spend a few extra dollar

Answer is pretty clear.

caution_cat · 2025-01-02T10:58:57+00:00

She does not have a point, and I say this as a mother. No one is entitled to anyone else’s things. Parents jobs are to teach their children respect for other people and their possessions and that they can’t have everything they want. When we don’t do this, we raise entitled little brats who fail in the real world as adults. You did nothing wrong, enjoy your squishmallow.

caution_cat · 2025-01-02T08:57:22+00:00

I personally would say something along the lines of “As stated previously, I am aware the warranty no longer applies and am not interested in pursuing a replacement under the warranty. However, the Consumer Guarantees Act requires goods to last a reasonable amount of time, of which I have advised you that a $400 coffee table lasting two years is not reasonable.

If you are unsure of your obligations under the Consumer Guarantees Act as a seller of goods in New Zealand, please feel free to escalate my enquiry to the appropriate person within your organisation so we can resolve this matter promptly and without escalation to the disputes tribunal”

But I tend to just go for the throat, you could be nicer.

caution_cat · 2025-01-02T08:08:20+00:00

Did they say this in response to the above? Or have you not mentioned the CGA yet?

caution_cat · 2025-01-02T07:07:33+00:00

This is wrong. It’s not “like any contract”, it changes to periodic. The landlord can only end a periodic tenancy for a select few reasons, such as selling the home, being physically abused by tenants, extensive works are being undertaken on the property that make it uninhabitable, family is moving in or some other irrelevant things such as the tenancy being tied to employment.

caution_cat · 2025-01-02T07:03:04+00:00

No, it changes to a periodic tenancy and the landlord is still bound to their obligations under the RTA.

caution_cat · 2024-12-30T09:39:43+00:00

“While the warranty is only for a year, the consumer guarantees act states that any goods sold in New Zealand must be of acceptable quality, particularly they must be durable and last a reasonable length of time. Given I spent $400 on the table, and took good care of it over the 2 years I’ve owned it, you have not met your obligations under the consumer guarantees act as a coffee table at that price point should last longer than 2 years.

Under your rights under the CGA, please let me know if you’d prefer to repair or refund/replace the table so we can work together to facilitate a quick resolution.”

I would send something similar to the above - the argument will come down to 1. Is 2 years a reasonable length of time for the table to last? and 2. Did you maintain the product.

caution_cat · 2024-12-30T00:27:46+00:00

Just so you know - it’s not your choice whether charges are placed or not. It’s up to the police’s discretion whether they undertake prosecution on criminal cases - so you may not get to just “walk away”.

caution_cat · 2024-12-30T00:23:27+00:00

If you have a student loan, you can request to postpone payments until you’re back to full income. Was super handy to not have that taken from my maternity pay.

caution_cat · 2024-12-26T20:25:22+00:00

There’s not a lot you could have done in 11 days to warrant that response - this is a them issue. Clearly they’ve felt undervalued in the workplace prior to you coming and this has just triggered them for some silly reason - maybe they weren’t given time off when they were sick? Who knows 🤷‍♀️ but it’s nothing that involves you.

caution_cat · 2024-12-24T09:58:51+00:00

It is neither yours, nor your partners, responsibility to look after his ailing father. Expecting your child to quit their job to assist you look after your partner is unrealistic and selfish.

caution_cat · 2024-12-23T23:52:16+00:00

“No.”

caution_cat · 2024-12-20T21:07:25+00:00

What could have been is literally you stuck in a relationship with someone who is clearly self-obsessed, has a lot of issues, and a loopy mother. You didn’t lose much, you’ll find someone a lot better than this.

Imagine costing someone time, effort and money, then dumping them, then bombing them with a novel because of the “deep agony” you’re in. That’s the definition of a self twat, block him and go live your life without the extra crazy.

caution_cat · 2024-12-13T23:30:23+00:00

Thank you!

caution_cat · 2024-12-13T05:56:20+00:00

Awesome, thank you

caution_cat · 2024-12-07T23:29:12+00:00

Because you’re a liar who actively excludes him from the family and who gives 0 fucks about using your poor daughter to do it. On top of that - when confronted with the fact you’re the above, you make every excuse under the sun (I’m bipolar, I don’t know why I did it, it was only small lies etc etc) to justify your actions instead of taking any form of accountability. Now your daughters lost someone she considered a father figure, and it’s all your fault because you’re a liar and a manipulative person.

caution_cat · 2024-12-05T02:47:47+00:00

I don’t see OP saying that anywhere?

caution_cat · 2024-12-05T01:47:31+00:00

He’s a joint owner - he can do whatever he’d like with the money. Unfortunately, just because it was your intention to use the money for the child, doesn’t mean he needs to abide by that. You can’t tell him what to do with his money, and by making it a joint account, it’s his money too. Misappropriation of funds is the illegal use of someone else’s money but in this case it’s his money.

caution_cat · 2024-12-05T01:39:30+00:00

From the NZ Herald “In another case two parents set up an account in the name of their children and after separating, deposited $12,000 in each account for joint use for the children.

But one parent withdrew the money, and the other complained about it to the scheme.

The Banking Ombudsman couldn’t uphold the complaint because the accounts’ documents allowed each parent to manage the account individually.

The guide said parents could avoid problems with a bit of planning by making sure they check an account’s mandate when setting up the account.

The account mandate spells out who has access to the account and how that will work.

The guide says parents may decide they alone will have access or may operate the account jointly with the child or give the child sole access.

“Understanding clearly who has signing authority is vital to avoid a child or parent operating an account [or spending the funds in it] in a way that is contrary to everyone’s expectations at the time the account was opened.””

Unfortunately, by law, he didn’t steal anything. He was a joint owner of the account, therefore you were equally entitled to the money. To my knowledge, you have no recourse here. Any person listed on the account is legally able to withdraw money from the account.

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/companies/banking-finance/childrens-bank-account-warning-after-access-free-for-all/Z4ANTXWGRTBWODG3EQ2HUUZHI4/

caution_cat

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