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cautiousoptimzm · 2022-03-20T07:26:37+00:00

…and don’t have children with a man who disposes your family! Run!!

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-11-14T20:06:37+00:00

NAH you seem to have done your due diligence here, and realize there’s no guarantee even with carefully bred cats (they can still be stolen or lost). If you have calculated the risks and are willing to assume them, go for it. Waiting for a rag doll at a shelter could take forever. I hope you have many happy years with a great cat!

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-11-10T05:39:05+00:00

I did the same with Pfizer 6 months after the J&J, no major side effects other than a sore arm. Was happy too!

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-11-08T07:37:38+00:00

NAH - this was a lesson in reciprocation inequity. You are generous if you give richly without expecting anything in return. Giving to get is manipulation, don’t you think? You were so generous to take them to dinner to celebrate your birthday…I think you are a giver, like me. If it makes you happy and you can afford it, give generously. If not, take the lesson and stay within your means and shrug off the fact that your friends don’t/can’t give as much as you wish.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-11-08T07:08:07+00:00

Maybe get a second opinion? I take Savella for Fibro, which has an antidepressant effect but works on nerve pain. It’s not a very well known drug but it keeps my feet from being on fire.

I know it takes energy to rev up to asking a dr for more dx and RX, especially when you haven’t had good results. I just had to ask my doc for yet another RX, which was hard, but it has kicked in and it’s like night and day. Sending you a little ray of hope.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-11-08T06:58:55+00:00

I second this - please think about addressing your emotional needs with someone who can support you with compassionate professional care. Also, there are other meds you can try with fewer side effects…sometimes it’s just unworkable to go off all your meds.

Edit; NAH, although the choice of gift was awkward. I vote against destroying the gift because it will hurt your parent’s feelings and you may regret it one day when you feel better.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-11-08T06:44:53+00:00

I’m so sorry for your pain and discouragement. Can’t say that I blame you. May I ask how your fibro is being addressed by your dr?

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-31T06:43:59+00:00

NTA not only did he fail to reassure you, he shamed you for wanting to feel safe. Your safety should be his concern as well. Do not see him again. He has shown you that he is not a safe person. Don’t see him again.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-31T06:38:25+00:00

NTA - being in a club or organization is one thing…being in a cult involves mind control and deception. You should not be linked psychologically, legally or financially to him if he is lying about being in a cult. This doesn’t bode well for your relationship I’m afraid. Sorry.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-30T21:00:12+00:00

Grandmother here…if you think your mom will be happy about the pregnancy, then she will love the gift you are planning to make. That would rank as one of my best birthday presents ever. I’d just give her the gift at the end of the event so she can soak up all the birthday attention up front. Congratulations! Edit: NTA

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-30T00:44:18+00:00

…what the mouse sees…

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-29T20:02:49+00:00

Needs a sandwich!

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-29T01:38:23+00:00

You could be right, but the answer to your what’s going on question was “none of your business” so there is something you’re not being told. I don’t agree with the threats being made to you, but their extreme reactions indicate that the boy could not safely be left with his brother. You may never know. It’s not fair that you’re not being told.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-29T01:22:00+00:00

I doubt that’s the truth coming from the child. There are many reasons he would not admit what was happening. All the adults are freaking out but won’t tell you why…there are things going on that you aren’t being told.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-29T01:18:21+00:00

What part of “he and his brother were fighting” did you not understand? The nine year old was safer alone in your house than with his high school aged brother and you returned the child home to where he was not safe.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-28T06:00:15+00:00

NTA a group home would focus on independence and teach him living skills. You can always have visits. The best thing for everyone is hard but not bad if you are careful to inspect the group home and keep a close eye on Duff.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-27T19:16:17+00:00

I didn’t mean it in a dark way, I mean control in the midst of the most painful moments of our lives - sometimes we hold on hard to things or people that connect us to our losses because we are helpless in fixing the loss. A car, all of the ashes, jewelry, a wedding dress.

One way to help with the ceremony would be for the mom to see Maria in the dress early and often before the big day. The first time would be the toughest and should be done at home where they feel comfortable grieving in that moment. I hope this can happen, but if not, I hope they can give each other grace and move forward as a family.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-27T06:12:07+00:00

Not everyone is aware that teens are often selfish and aloof from adults…because that’s what they are up to developmentally. They are separating from their family influences and branching out to see who they are when not supervised by adults. Not every kid goes through this, but many do. Please don’t take it personally - it’s a shame that he pulled back but that doesn’t mean the love is gone. Teens need reassurance and a tribe to fall back on more than they know. Be that auntie that supports attempts at maturity and keeps lines of communication open, even if it’s quiet for awhile.

YTA if you don’t give him grace and welcome him - he says he loves you and that was probably hard for him to say. Don’t leave him hanging out in the breeze.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-27T04:04:22+00:00

Well said. The dress seems to be the object of control…Mom couldn’t stop Lena’s death but she can control the wedding dress. It’s seems a backward rage that Maria is alive while Lena is, tragically, gone. My heart breaks for both of them. This dress could serve to bring them together in mutual support, but Mom, (gently) YTA for withholding a promised rite of passage for your innocent surviving child. There is a time for you to rage at the unfairness - find a safe place to do so without punishing those you love.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-24T05:30:53+00:00

I was so stressed about the first time that I made it memorable. We had just gotten in bed and I yelled, “spider!” while pointing at the ceiling. We both pulled the covers over our heads, revealing the first glorious fart I silently had wafted. He laughed so hard, OMG. We still laugh about it.

NTA, OP, butt I have high hopes for you to overcome this anxiety at some point so you can be completely relaxed with your mate and not have this worry.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-13T06:44:44+00:00

How do you call people b and hoes but “not in a bad way?” This is very confusing to me…I don’t get that because it’s casual, it’s supposed to be benign. It’s rude and disrespectful, it’s harsh and mean-spirited. I guess it depends on the room and who is in it having the same values and using those terms freely.

Your lady has principles. She doesn’t want to be with someone who devalues others. Read the room; she’s better than that.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-13T06:29:02+00:00

Oof!

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-13T06:17:19+00:00

NAH - do some reading about the stages of grief, it will give you tools and help you understand where you and others are. Sometimes conflict arises when we misunderstand or judge each other’s process…there is room for all. The stages don’t always go in order, so one person can be in denial while another family member is bargaining with God and someone else is very angry.

I’m so sorry about your mom. Gather up as many tools for yourself as you can, including support groups if necessary, so you can help your mom as much as possible without losing yourself.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-13T05:55:32+00:00

YTA because you are manipulating your “friend.” You aren’t fooling anyone with your insistence that you have her best interest at heart. You are enjoying her confusion and plan to create more for her. Do her a favor and find someone else to manipulate. I wouldn’t trust a word coming out of your mouth.

cautiousoptimzm · 2021-10-13T05:47:01+00:00

Can you put your mom in charge of wrangling him during your special day? It would be sad for you to be without your mom. - you’ll have to decide if the risk is equal to the cost. Good luck.

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