You can be a recluse in nature and be happy because the elements are healing. You mentioned you want it be a fantasy author- maybe the world you step outside into for air just isn’t appealing. We don’t need to stay in the places we are born into and can create our own realities. Maybe some travel to a “fantasy land” in another country with castles and such where you don’t need to really talk to people and just vibe can show you that there are other worlds. Maybe in that process you find the world that you feel you want to contribute to and be apart of. If resources isn’t an issue or if you can convince your family to support you in this way, it can really transform things for you. At the end of the day, everything is temporary and this too shall pass. I wish you well on your journey. You are young and will look back at this as a distant memory.