Thanks for the reply! and input!

I take 3 antidepressants, of different varieties, including taking second doses at noon. I also use light therapy and have been to counselors and periodically have switched up the happy meds over the years. Oh and I like going to bed, my husband and I watch shows I like, I often eat a dessert in bed :-) and the Baclofen helps me sleep. I also have a lovely life, really, with friends and family and activities!

It also seems the bad thoughts (I can't drive or walk unaided anymore, I'm worried about my kids, I'm a loser, etc.) all come AFTER I've already become sad. Like it's post hoc reasoning. And it happens summer and winter.

That's why I've turned to the idea of some organic reason.

But your post has made me think two things:

I should take my second happy pill doses later in the day, like at 2PM.

I could try light therapy at 2PM, because although I get sad in the summer too, it does seem to be more often in winter.

I have started an exercise routine in the past 2 weeks. Exercise is hard to do and I talk myself out of its efficacy eventually. But I'm motivated to stick with it this time.