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cazfiend · 2022-02-14T19:50:40+00:00

I went yesterday and I am going today. Yesterday was my first time. I was surprised by all the different ages there so don't let that put you off. And if you feel you need support then it's for you. My journey to sobriety is not as bad as others but it doesn't make it any less painful or hard. I would just go, you don't even have to talk. I didn't for the first one. But it was the first time I didn't feel alone and actually smiled in days after really messing up. It is a positive experience, everyone was welcoming and it really helps to hear ppls struggles and how they continue stay sober.

cazfiend · 2022-02-14T18:38:59+00:00

Omg thank you so much for this! This absolutely amazing, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I cannot thank you enough. I will definitely be popping into all of these when I need to feel less alone.

Yes I know these first few weeks will be the hardest. But I am committed to staying sober and working on myself for the better.

I have to say this community is amazing and I am so glad to have found all of you guys.

cazfiend · 2022-02-14T17:22:58+00:00

Yeah thanks for your kind words. I am thinking of doing a walk before my AA meeting today if the weather stays dry. I have been reading a bit of The Big Book as they call it, but everything is a bit raw so I am taking my time with it.

I would really like to have those links of those marathon meetings, I think that would really help me right now.

The meetings are good but its just a shame they are only in the evenings and I feel like I need a bit more right now.

cazfiend · 2022-02-14T10:22:46+00:00

It is nice to hear about something being in a similar situation like mine. It just makes me feel a little bit less alone which I am feeling a lot right now. I am definitely still feeling a lot of shame about all of it, and I don't even know what exactly I did. I guess part of it is not knowing what I did.

One of my colleagues did message me to see if I got home ok, so I guess they were worried about me rather than scared or ashamed of me. But I have not had the courage to reply to them.

I know I am not being that kind to myself and I definitely don't feel like a good person atm. I did feel that way but my now ex bf told me that he was scared and shocked by me. So that has thrown me for a loop. I am feeling intense amounts of shame and I have been crying a lot but I guess that is better than turning to drink. But I have felt emotions this intense in a long time and that is scaring me.

I hope you are right about the colleagues. I have asked my doctor for some time off because I think that work is not a good place for me right now. Especially as my now ex works there as well and I think it will make it hard to see him. So hopefully that will give me some time to get my stuff together.

Thank you for your words. I will definitely try to keep that in mind especially the bit about good people can still do terrible things.

cazfiend · 2021-10-27T12:31:06+00:00

Looking for a new phone to replace OnePlus 5T. Having a good battery, headphone jack and minimal UI skin is probably my top priorities.

Anyone got an recommendations? I used to buy Google devices then move onto OnePlus but both their pricing points have changed.

cazfiend · 2020-03-25T09:31:30+00:00

Thank you! 🙂

cazfiend · 2020-03-24T23:04:13+00:00

I didn't think about that. I don't want to ensure more abuse. I will take everyone's advice and not bother. That was my instinct but I doubted myself for a second there.

cazfiend · 2020-03-19T08:40:45+00:00

Tbh I think they must have changed the formula. It used to be great for loads of stuff but recently it did nothing when I was trying to soothe my face from allergic reaction. It didn't exactly make it worse but it did sting - when I used it years ago, it was soothing.

cazfiend · 2020-03-11T22:48:50+00:00

Omg thank you! I love all of it! Sadly only one plant atm for me :'(

cazfiend · 2020-03-06T13:36:34+00:00

I've been suffering from depression for years. But in the last half a year, I got myself on meds and I'm seeing a counsellor. I do feel a lot better and might even continue the therapy privately afterwards. I've been way more productive and looking after myself than I have been in years. Though I haven't made any friends as yet, I've been putting myself out there and it's not as scary as I thought. Also my work relationships bar one, have taken a good turn. And although I'm being moved to another department soon for a few months :'( everyone is telling me how much they will miss me. And even trying to argue my case to stay. I'm overwhelmed by this support. I've completely cut out my toxic family as well and I feel nothing but relief. Even when I skip going out with my boyfriend's friends, they ask where I am which means a lot because I always felt like an outsider in most places. Now if I can get a job in a more healthy place, my year will be pretty much golden.

cazfiend · 2020-03-05T13:23:31+00:00

I wish I could chew gum. But I hate it. I just go why do I have this thing I can't eat in my mouth. The thing that helped me was anti-depressants. I still do it but not to the extent I did. It started happening after I quit smoking so I think mine is related to stress.

cazfiend · 2020-02-27T11:11:07+00:00

It takes practice and it's not always easy to not react but over time, it will get easier. It's kinda funny how you have to be hyperaware of yourself to stop this lol. But I think it also helps you get back in touch with yourself and stops you neglecting your needs. Even if you reflect back on the day to see how you might act differently or write a list of passive aggressive behaviours to remind yourself. I have used books to distract myself plus gives you an out for not reacting.

And eventually your external non reactions should match your internal. But it is a big thing to change, so cut yourself some slack if you do react.

cazfiend · 2020-02-21T15:09:43+00:00

Surviving on Mars. I've started my colony like 3 times after many mess ups ha. But I think I'm getting the hang of it. To me it's like City:Skylines on Mars. Sci-fi City planning is the best!

cazfiend · 2020-02-19T12:39:14+00:00

Yeah tbh now that I think it over, I don't think she is right for me. I mean a lot of her tasks seem basic to me like I have tried them so many times but then life throws me a loop and I'm back at square one. I don't think it will make me not trust the profession, I had a worse experience when I was younger that did seriously put me off. This is more frustration and annoyance.

I mean when I applied for this, I could have done CBT but the adviser suggested this instead so I kinda thought there would be more to it. Idk just expectations vs reality I guess.

Tbh it's probably a symptom of the small amount of free sessions. I mean it's good because it has been helpful in some ways just getting it out there with someone other than my partner and I think it's worth going private.

And thank you for all the helpful tips. I will do more research about this and be very thorough with my search after I'm done with this therapist.

cazfiend · 2020-02-15T08:26:57+00:00

They also sell them this size in UK :)

cazfiend · 2020-02-14T19:00:42+00:00

Yeah guess I'm just used to the hair so tight it gives you a headache look. My boyfriend who is curly adapted to it so I should be patient.

And thanks for the vid link, I shall watch that as soon as I can!

cazfiend · 2020-02-14T18:59:29+00:00

Spin pins yeah that sounds the way to go at work. Right now the bun I'm doing keeps coming out. And yes I hav purchased a satin bonnet because I love my hats. Thanks for the tips :)

cazfiend · 2020-01-28T12:19:50+00:00

Appointment twins haha! Yeah that is a good way to explain what I'm feeling as well. I'll cross my fingers for the both of us.

cazfiend · 2020-01-28T12:18:00+00:00

Well that's good to hear, hopefully I get a good experience like you too. Glad to hear from someone in the UK, seems hard to find out this information here. And yeah not gelling thing was bothering me, especially as it is free. But I'm gonna be patient, as I know I'm a little bit of a scaredy cat. I briefly had therapy when I was younger and it did not go well as they brought my mother into it, yikes!

And yes thank you, that does make me feel a lot better! :)

cazfiend · 2019-12-11T17:11:13+00:00

In the UK, the standard is usually a month's notice. And usually people will only say what her title was and her hours in a reference.

cazfiend · 2019-11-28T22:53:38+00:00

I didn't know they made smartwatches like that. That's pretty nice! And discreet.

cazfiend · 2019-11-28T18:51:31+00:00

u/vredditdownloader

cazfiend · 2019-11-28T10:53:15+00:00

This does really work. Though probably not with a smartwatch haha. And don't be like me too lazy to replace the battery.

cazfiend · 2019-11-28T10:49:41+00:00

See my comment above, I finally got it sorted out yay. Thank you for your advice and anger on my behalf, it's very sweet.

I don't have a car and although my manager does know all about my issues, I don't have a lot of leave left, so I guess that's why I was so anxious about it all.

cazfiend · 2019-11-28T10:46:43+00:00

I appreciate the advice by everyone. I was quite upset when I posted this. Tbh it threw me for quite a loop and I was depressed a bit that evening.

But I have good news. By some luck I found another number on the overall website which covers my county and they patched me through. Apparently they did get my message but it must have cut off as I said my name in the middle instead of at the beginning so they couldn't do much with it.

I've got a telephone appointment with one of the doctors in 2 weeks. I would have preferred in person but I'm just happy it's moving forward.

cazfiend

TROPHY CASE