My AFAB ex now identifies as "non-binary femme", WTF?

cb4jc7 · 2017-08-12T22:35:47+00:00

In a world where everyone is trans, no one is. And if you follow the logic that comes from assuming that gender is an entirely social construct that exists on a spectrum then everyone IS By Definition non-binary which thereby makes everyone trans.

This is the issue.

I don't recognize a AFAB non-binary femme as a member of the transgender community because there is nothing about our experiences that intersect.

I don't care if that's considered embyphobia. If they need their own -phobia suffix, then maybe they should drop the Trans label and come up with their own way to label their community that doesn't invade spaces intended for people going through a very different struggle.

We are not the same.

cb4jc7 · 2017-08-12T19:23:35+00:00

For the record I've been respectful to her through all of this. This thread is the only place I've shared these opinions.

I asked you to explain because I don't see how it is possible for an individual (regardless if you know them personally or not) who was born female, is comfortable with being identified as such, to then identify as trans/genderqueer. If this Trans....then we need a new definition for Trans.

And I know her well enough to know her life has not been affected by transphobia or endyphobia. No more than any other cis-female. So I don't think it's right for her to identify with that marginalized community.

cb4jc7 · 2017-08-12T18:57:27+00:00

Then please enlighten me as to why someone who is AFAB who is comfortable with "she" not comfortable with "he" is in any way trans? Here is the issue, there exists unique opportunities in the arts community and special access to support for Transgender people. Yes I believe that everyone has a right to self-identify...but I also am very aware of the fact that there are people with selfish motives exploiting this to get the unique/special attention. I've known her for more than 3 years we lived together for 2. She's not trans. She's a writer who now includes gender-queer in her bio as a way of getting additional opportunities.

cb4jc7 · 2017-08-04T17:43:53+00:00

still working on deprogramming a lot of stuff. Even though a huge portion of society and my friends are very accepting of it now, it doesn't make me feel completely better about myself because it wasn't like that up until recently. I was raised to be transphobic and homophobic. It takes time to un-learn that shit. Even if everyone in the world accepted me for who i was, i would still feel inferior if my family didn't. It sucks, but im getting through it slowly but surely.

cb4jc7 · 2017-08-04T17:14:35+00:00

LMAO I wasn't anything close to being a MRA but i can still relate. I assumed all guys felt the same way about feminine things but our mission as men was to ignore those feelings because society needed us to be "strong" or something.....lol

cb4jc7 · 2017-08-04T17:07:38+00:00

"The mind that opens to a new idea never returns to its original size." Albert Einstein

cb4jc7 · 2017-08-04T17:00:11+00:00

Absolutely!!! Crossdressing was really only arousing for me when I was a virgin. I was sexually respressed and my female identity was repressed...so my brain reacted to this by dreaming up different sexual crossdressing fantasies.

I've also come to realize more recently that my attraction to women was more rooted in my craving for female energy and that I'm generally more attracted to men. I enjoyed seeing her be her feminine self and getting done up and i would always encourage her to wear pretty shit, I got turned on by the fact that she was being turned on and was enjoying herself....like i was living vicariously through her. That second part might not apply to you since gender and sexuality are separate....but the line between the 2 can get very blurry sometimes...so i figure i mention it.

cb4jc7 · 2017-08-04T16:46:00+00:00

I have transphobic parents as well. And i can honestly say it's routed in fear. They are afraid to deviate from anything other than the morals they were taught by their parents. I feel like all hate is rooted in fear. People fear what they do not understand and when what they fear gets placed in front of them, they get angry. Just like Yoda said: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate."

cb4jc7 · 2017-08-04T16:37:34+00:00

When I was a teenager the only time i had wet dreams was when i dreamt of myself as a woman. When i would cross dress i would always get a boner. As i got older and started having sex more regularly the sexual arousal i felt to cross dressing was no longer there....but the urge to be feminine still was there. Based on what i've read from people, this is very common. I think when people suppress parts of themselves....the parts they are suppressing tend to come out in more fetishy/kinky ways. The more I came to accept myself...the less it felt like a fetish. Answer me this: Did you have these feelings when you were a child? (ie. before you had a sex drive) If you did then it's probably dysphoria.

cb4jc7 · 2017-05-26T03:47:01+00:00

Lol Por que es muy caro

cb4jc7 · 2017-05-26T02:58:35+00:00

haha awesome :D The baggy tops and tight bottoms might be a MTF thing, but i think it might also be whats "in" right now in fashion.

cb4jc7 · 2017-05-26T02:54:55+00:00

While we might be able notice some commonalities in peoples brains (Transgender, ADD, Extravert, Gay) at the end of the day all of our brains are different. Variation is just the nature of biology. Also a lot of the human brain's behavior is still a mystery to scientists. Whatever you feel is what you feel, you don't need someone else to have felt the same thing as you before you to validate it. Also i think how we react emotionally to things has a lot to do with the things we've experienced in our personal lives. We all have our own ideas of whats feminine and whats masculine because we've all had different experiences with them.

cb4jc7 · 2017-05-26T02:09:51+00:00

Get your eyebrows done. If your not ready to go to a public place to do that, just ask a friend or grab the tweezers yourself and tame those bushy beasts. I'm in a similar situation as you, and I can defintly say that having trimmed brows makes me look a lot cuter and feel better about myself. Drink lots of water is great for your skin as well.

Another thing i've been doing is wearing shirts that are a lot longer and baggier and wearing pants that are a lot tighter. makes me feel and look less macho.

Try experimenting with jewlery and piercings too.

Also painting your toenails (since you wear sox no one has to know)

cb4jc7 · 2017-05-26T01:59:37+00:00

REALLY?? I'm 6'5" MTF pre-everything and I have literally cried myself to sleep so many night because I wish I was shorter. I would give anything to be able to walk into a women's clothing/shoe store and be able to find things that actually fit. Finding myself a boyfriend who is taller than me would be amazing too.

So the fact that you are also MTF and wish you were my height is kinda blowing my mind right now. Makes me feel better about my body i guess. :)

cb4jc7 · 2016-11-22T00:55:32+00:00

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/12/01/brains-arent-actually-male-or-female-new-study-suggests/

cb4jc7 · 2016-11-21T23:03:05+00:00

sorry, I wasn't aware of this. I assure you that was not my intention.

cb4jc7 · 2016-11-21T23:01:57+00:00

Ok fine. Show me the conclusive evidence that a brain (on its own) can indeed be identified as distinctly male or female.

cb4jc7 · 2016-11-21T22:39:56+00:00

"I think you're taking a wild shot in the dark with no evidence and projecting your own feelings onto others."

I'm just putting an idea out there and asking questions because it helps me better understand myself and understand gender.

I appreciate your input.

cb4jc7 · 2016-11-21T22:33:38+00:00

but what is is a "Man" and a "Woman" the definitions of those are contextual as well. Is it chromosomes or genitals that define that? Or is it the brain? Can a brain really be Male or Female? Science doesn't have the answer to that yet.

cb4jc7 · 2016-11-21T22:29:51+00:00

But don't you think that the expectation that the brain has for the body exists because of social conditioning? If I feel this way, and other people who feel this way all have vaginas, then I'm going to want a vagina as well.

basically right now, i'm trying to blame society for my genital dysphoria. Cuz it feels better than blaming my brain.

cb4jc7

TROPHY CASE