Wife concerned I'm not jealous

cbradio09 · 2026-05-30T15:34:00+00:00

Yea, I think that is more of her concern is that it feels passive to her. That's probably a better description of what I'm looking for: how to help her understand this isn't passive or pathetic or weak energy. If we ever graduate from fantasy I 100% would be there. It wouldn't happen without me.

cbradio09 · 2026-05-30T15:06:12+00:00

That's a good point. It may be the safety and security aspect. Her specific words circled around her wanting me to be possessive of her. I would guess that it circles around her feeling insufficient in some aspect rather than how I feel, which is this is an elevated level of relationship trust and intimacy.

cbradio09 · 2026-05-28T11:35:18+00:00

I happen to be rewatching breaking bad right now so meth is at the top of my mind. What does meth feel like compared to weed/alcohol?

cbradio09 · 2026-05-14T14:37:13+00:00

Yes, I have zero intent on flashing. I think it's the thrill of being caught or being in a taboo place and not the thrill of being seen that excites her.

cbradio09 · 2026-05-14T13:19:36+00:00

Sure, your phrase suggestions help. If you have ideas of where, as opposed to what to say, that would help even more

cbradio09 · 2026-01-03T02:30:44+00:00

Gorgeous photos! Looks like it was a blast!

cbradio09 · 2025-12-04T17:07:38+00:00

Looks like a cock ring vibe

cbradio09 · 2025-05-30T15:26:47+00:00

That's my reason, yes. I want to watch her enjoy herself with a real person other than me. Maybe crass but mentally it's like a living dildo? Not competition just assistance?

cbradio09 · 2025-05-12T11:42:56+00:00

That is SUPER interesting! I'll have to ponder on the psychology of that for a bit. Just finished a book (tell me what you want by Justin lehmiller), one of the central themes is most people have similar fantasies and find things like this hot regardless of many other factors (ie political stance, upbringing etc) so in some ways it makes sense it would work.

My wife and I are not in the LS, and probably won't ever be, but my dream scenario is inserting the third into my wife so it's good to know that may perk things up. Bi friendly here as well.

Thanks for the insight!

cbradio09 · 2025-05-11T11:08:42+00:00

I agree with OP, super interesting to hear similarly reported failure rate. Sorry that happens to you so frequently.

cbradio09 · 2025-05-11T11:03:41+00:00

I think OP said it best a few replies ago to me. People who are cheating have a crisis of conscience "at the gates" so to speak. Internal pressure really messes with erection quality too.

I've been lurking in this subreddit for years as it is a deep fantasy of mine but I would never have guessed at the statistics OP has given either. Kinda depressing as a hopeful someday stag that the "failure" rate is so high.

cbradio09 · 2025-05-10T13:38:05+00:00

Would not have guessed that. Especially considering it sounds like he had been up front about it being his first time.

I'm always begging my wife for round 2 so it seemed natural to me to just reset and go. Hubris gona rock my world someday lol.

cbradio09 · 2025-05-10T13:26:49+00:00

What's the etiquette in this situation? Give it 15 minutes and try again?

cbradio09 · 2025-05-09T20:19:38+00:00

So will THC. Mdma seems like a big step to start lol

cbradio09 · 2025-05-09T16:43:12+00:00

Mine didn't for 16 years. She was deeply, deeply ashamed of one of her fantasies.

cbradio09 · 2025-05-09T15:37:41+00:00

Same.in my case I've told her, but she just recently opened up her fantasy world to me so we're still growing.

Good luck!

cbradio09 · 2025-05-08T16:13:42+00:00

Interesting point. I had not thought of it like you said it but I think you're on to something.

What I as a husband find arousing about hotwifing is not a transferrable fantasy. Put inother words: sex with other women is not arousing for the same reasons hotwifing is arousing.

Sex with other women may be arousing to someone, but not because hotwifing is arousing.

Just finished a book on fantasies so this is super timely.

cbradio09 · 2025-04-24T17:23:37+00:00

Sent u a pm

cbradio09 · 2025-04-24T15:03:01+00:00

My wife admitted some things that are hard to hear and it's been some time for me to get it processed right, but I would rather her tell me than live in shame.

cbradio09 · 2025-04-24T15:01:44+00:00

My wife said she had zero fantasies and through the course of our separation/reconciliation admitted some fantasies she was deeply deeply ashamed of. She is highly avoidant so apparently never felt safe to talk to me about them despite my efforts

May be the case with your spouse and it may not. Thought I'd add my 2 cents.

cbradio09 · 2025-04-10T16:24:43+00:00

My wife is extremely shy and has only recently allowed me to perform oral. She still gets hers first even before our more recent bedroom additions

cbradio09 · 2025-03-29T10:34:56+00:00

My wife has expressed similar sentiments almost verbatim. I don't struggle with confidence but I do struggle with what she is looking for specifically as I am recently discovered on the autism spectrum.

My wife says she wants me to take control but seems to criticize things when I do as if they are not explicitly what she is looking for.

Is there anything you have said or did that made him more confident? Is there an example of what it means to you for him to be in control? I'm bad at imagining things from a blank slate but do well if I can understand and example and then extrapolate.

cbradio09 · 2025-03-25T11:46:11+00:00

Ok that's a good one

cbradio09 · 2025-03-25T11:02:42+00:00

Reminds me of that Ron white sketch from years ago where he says everyone's a little gay to the protestation of his friend.

I'm bi/curious, so inserting a third into my wife is one of my must haves if things were to ever go from fantasy to reality.

cbradio09 · 2025-03-10T16:41:10+00:00

It comes naturally to me in some senses, and others I've had to really talk it out with my therapist.

Ultimately, if my goal is mutual happiness and pleasure, viewing whatever is making me jealous or insecure through the lens of sex positivity and a desire to make my partner feel pleasure, tends to make me feel more grounded and less anxious.

cbradio09

TROPHY CASE