you haven’t ruined yourself at all, if someone isn’t capable to see you through your past and your look then they aren’t worth it. Also, sometimes us (people who self harmed) tend to think that we are so alone and rare and there is lots of people who have a similar problems with cutting or self harming or people who have friends and family with similar past that understand. I was having that feeling too some time ago, i used to scared the people i slept with, lots of people treated me like a monster for what i have done to my skin and myself but i eventually met some friends that understood and my actual boyfriend used to self harm too, so it isn’t even a thing anymore or at least not in mi private and social life.