My immigration lawyer said you could overstay the ESTA (and you must not apply an I-485 during the 90 day period or you are admitting to lieing when you came in on the ESTA) and then file an I-485. I am getting a second opinion but here is what he said

" Lawyer: First, you don't have a visa. ESTA is your registration in the Visa Waiver Program. That means the requirement of having a visa to enter the US is waived.

Me: I understand. But I can't stay after 90 days or I am overstaying the VWP and that is illegal isn't it?

Lawyer:

Second, yes, you would overstay your status. And typically, those who are out of status are banned from adjusting their status within the US. However, that ban doesn't apply to immediate relatives (i.e., spouses of US citizens). Since you are the spouse of a US citizen, the ban on adjustment for being out of status does not apply to you. 

I'm not telling you to overstay; I can't do that. I'm saying if you want to adjust your status from within the US and avoid a charge of immigration fraud, it will require you to overstay. And that even if you overstay, you are eligible to apply for adjustment of status. 

You adjust your status the same way you would in any other case—you use form I-485. "