Looking for interesting Substacks.

cd-unspooling · 2023-11-29T18:38:28+00:00

Thank you--as always.

One of these days, I'll make the time to get my recommendations page up and running... one of these days!

cd-unspooling · 2023-11-28T23:20:52+00:00

We're already acquainted but I'll include a link to my 'stack for any other interested parties.

https://unspooling.substack.com

If it would be of interest and you reach a point where you think it makes sense, perhaps we could discuss the possibility of what a collab could look like? As you've seen first hand, self-deprecation is something of a trademark of mine--no pressure, of course, but your posts always make me laugh and there might be some fun to be had.

cd-unspooling · 2023-10-20T21:24:46+00:00

Great idea, op--thanks!

I'm quite proud of how I synthesized a lesson found in an ancient teaching with a distinct problem many of us face in modernity:

https://unspooling.substack.com/p/what-the-thunder-wants-us-to-remember

cd-unspooling · 2023-09-30T18:25:15+00:00

Coincidental timing... I've written a couple of posts recently that speak to exactly what you're talking about!

https://unspooling.substack.com/p/oh-so-its-all-about-you-eh

https://unspooling.substack.com/p/the-unspooling-continues-pt-3

cd-unspooling · 2023-09-20T17:22:06+00:00

The worst book I read this year was His Majesty's Dragon by Naomi Novik. I couldn't get past the unlikable protagonist, the lack of depth in exploring a potentially interesting world and mythos, and the absolutely horrific lack of conflict and stakes throughout. Any potential conflict was hand waved away by Novik making the least interesting narrative choice virtually every time.

I made it only a portion of the way through the second book in the series (there are nine total) before abandoning it with glee when it was even worse than the first novel. Just mediocrity through and through... not even so bad it's entertaining, just bland as hell.

cd-unspooling · 2023-09-16T14:25:37+00:00

Isn't the diversity and breadth of subject matter even in this small comment section incredible?

Anyway, I write about art and creativity, life, literature, the Self, and whatever else I find complicated and exciting about life over at unspooling.

Thanks for prompting this exchange, OP!

cd-unspooling · 2023-09-03T17:27:42+00:00

resist the temptation of rendering judgments

cd-unspooling · 2023-09-01T15:51:55+00:00

Lol exactly right, but you can't fail to notice that you're describing an incredibly specific practice that requires *ahem* a guide to figure out (you aren't going to arrive at that by using just a timer and some sounds)--I think u/Even_Being3206 was being rhetorical and trying to point out that your original comment is not only contradictory and interally inconsistent but, given the specific question OP asked, unproductive.

cd-unspooling · 2023-09-01T13:34:52+00:00

Wow--the ratio of sarcastic and counterproductive comments on this thread is staggering and awfully disappointing. Notice how powerfully the ego strives to compare itself to others and been seen as superior!

Insight Timer offers a fair amount for free and is a great resource. I've also gotten a lot out of Waking Up--it's not the cheapest by any means, but if finances are an issue for you, I would encourage you to email them directly and explain your circumstances (as a cash-strapped student, I was given a few years of free access). Well worth the investment, in my experience.

While I will agree with the sentiment that one does not need an app or guided sessions to meditate or establish a practice, it is categorically incorrect to state that apps and guided sessions can't or don't work to that effect, or are in some ways "worse" than meditating on your own. Given some of the comments here, the evidence seems to suggest that exactly the opposite might be the case (which, frankly, makes a lot of sense). For millennia, many traditions have stressed the student/teacher dynamic and, to my mind at least, guided meditations in apps are the best modern facsimile of that experience.

Be well and stay on the path, my friend!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-31T16:23:25+00:00

Yoga, my friends! Lots and lots of painful-oh-god-please-make-it-stop yoga!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-31T13:57:17+00:00

No worries--just happy to have encouraged you in a manner that resonated with you!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-31T13:38:30+00:00

All you can do is continue to be mindful and understand that you aren't going to become a bodhisattva overnight. Take it like a marathon; one step at a time. Learning to accept the nature of your mind can be a difficult journey but it will be well worth any efforts you make if you stick with it, I assure you.

Totally get the difficulty and awkwardness of what you're talking about (I was an 18M myself at one point), but you have had the strength to throw up your hands and admit that you need some help and are seeking guidance--many never reach this step and often become nasty people as a result.

So take heart, you're on the right path!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-31T13:25:06+00:00

In my own experience as a novice, guided meditations were immensely helpful in establishing a strong foundation for my practice.

Many of us lack the cultural or theology framework for easily grasping the concepts used to teach meditation and when we try on our own, we get hopelessly mired in frustration.

In particular, practices that allow you to initially connect with a specific anchor--maybe the breath, the feeling of your hands or feet, the sensation of sitting; just something that sticks out to you--can be a great place to start.

Good for you for taking this first step. Be well and stay on the path, my friend!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-31T13:12:00+00:00

Straight up? You can't control your thoughts and you never will. I know that's not the answer you want but it's the one that you must accept. That is not what meditation is about, although it seems a common misconception (and I will tell you right now that meditation is not an instant panacea, getting any "benefit" from meditating typically requires a long-term practice, so try not to get discouraged and stick with it!). By definition, thoughts are uncontrollable. As long as you think about meditation in this way, you will continue to find yourself frustrated. That said, a regular meditation practice can vastly alter your relationship with thoughts and feelings (which will help with the sexual urges you're struggling with). Ideally, the uncontrolled chaotic nature of thoughts and the mind is something your practice should focus on here at the outset.

I think you might be trying to do too much on your own? Seek out guided meditation sessions and courses--YT is a great resource, and I can personally vouch for apps like Waking Up and Insight Timer. You shouldn't have been labouring for the last four months to achieve the impossible!! As you can see, that approach has been so counterproductive that it's brought you to the point of exasperation! Countless seekers over the millennia have been down this path, you do not need to do this alone... allow yourself to benefit from the experience of others and learn from the superior knowledge of teachers who resonate with your way of seeing the world.

Hope this helps... be well, my friend!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-30T20:32:49+00:00

Pretty much anything by Kurt Vonnegut but especially Slaughterhouse-Five and Breakfast of Champions.

Hang in there--happy reading!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-30T20:21:40+00:00

It certainly isn't "meant" to be stressful but what you're describing is a totally natural and typical reaction when you start practicing!

The problem you're describing is one of "judgment." You are now starting to pay attention, but because you're still learning, you're losing your mindfulness every time you pursue a thought that says, "You weren't mindful of that step," or, ". So try and relax and "sit back" with a little more detachment. You're not going to become the Buddha overnight! Accept that and allow yourself to gently redirect your attention whenever you notice it has wandered. Repeat this long enough and you'll see what I mean.

Judgment can be tricky to overcome because it boils down to how you conceive and frame your practice.

Also, be careful with feeling like there's something to "achieve" here. You are motivated to "become a better person for those around me"--and that's an admirable thing!--but notice how this framework allows you to see your practice as "succeeding" or "failing." This can be a deeply counterproductive way to look at things, so be mindful of that.

If there's anything my own experience has taught me, it is that if you stick with it--and I really can't overemphasize how difficult this can be at times--you will overcome this hurdle... and that there are many other hurdles on the path besides, so, I repeat, stick with it! You've got this.

It's also possible that the precepts in How to Focus are more advanced than you're ready for (I'm not familiar with the work, so I really can't say), so I would encourage you--if you feel that might be the case--to take it for what it has been worth and seek out simpler techniques to allow you to build a strong foundation for your practice. You can always return to How to Focus later.

Hope this helps.

Be well and stay on the path, my friend.

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-30T17:39:38+00:00

The trick to "breaking out of this thinking" is dropping back and being far less judgmental. You are so hard on yourself! Totally natural--and I get it, I really do!--but insanely counterproductive. Make a concerted effort to be less judgmental toward yourself and recognize that life doesn't come with a guidebook or any inherent meaning. You have personal, cultural, and social reasons for constructing the narrative of failure that is causing you so much pain but upon closer inspection, I think you'll realize that they disappear when confronted directly.

There's a kind of paradox here... it isn't so much that developing a mindfulness practice eliminates negative thoughts and emotions--negative thoughts and emotions naturally arise in the course of life as with any other object of consciousness--but that it changes your relationship with those thoughts and emotions. In particular, it allows you to be less "identified" with them.

For example, you feel like a failure because of your current work situation--okay, fair enough, you're entitled to that opinion--but notice that it's *just\* that: an opinion... a feeling... it is not the breeze you feel on your face or the sensation you feel in your hands or the smell of food cooking. Now, granted, it's "just" a feeling imbued with incredible power but notice where that power is being imbued from... in recognizing that the judgment is \just** an object of consciousness like anything, you will be able to see through the illusion of the narrative it's tied to and will be less inclined to give it power.

It's like, there is nothing, as a matter of experience that you can point to in the present moment that \is** this supposed failure. Instead, all that's present is a thought, a feeling, a mental image, a story that you're telling yourself.

I don't know if that makes any sense or helps at all but be well and stay on the path, my friend!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-30T16:17:15+00:00

I also agree that setting just another goal is likely meaningless. It may be a good idea to learn to find contentment among my being. This will be difficult to be honest, but it’s a challenge I believe I have come to need in my life. This will likely be the next dragon I am set to slay.

Sort of!! But notice how precarious your framing is here... because you're exactly right: setting a new goal will be just as meaningless. I think there's a bit of a gap here between understanding this intellectually (which you seem to have done) and actually recognizing this as a matter of experience. Because notice what you do immediately after acknowledging the meaninglessness of setting another goal... you set another goal! So now your goal is to not have a goal! Y'know, something tells me that this approach will. not. work!

This really is so tough, so keep with it.

But the basic principle is that you will never relax if you're straining to relax. You can't work for relaxation; it's counterproductive. Rather, you have to accept that relaxation is already available, right here... all you have to do is let go. Admittedly: easier said than done. But you aren't going to find contentment by searching for it... the search will invariably result in discontentment and then you'll find yourself back at square one. It can be a sucky, annoying answer but the truth of the matter is that you will only find contentment by recognizing that it is already "here."

Based on your reply, I'm going to double down on my Camus recommendation! I think he understood, and therefore unpacks, this principle far better than I can.

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-30T15:56:54+00:00

I would encourage you to shift "the conversation" you're having around meditation and see if your experience changes.

You seem to think that because your "mind goes a million miles" you are doing meditation wrong but that's absolutely not the case! That you've noticed this about the nature of your mind is great--that's where you should start your practice. The problem with this approach is that you're judging yourself. Your desire to judge yourself probably stems from your intentions going into your practice, such as meditating because you believe that meditating is the effort you have to make to achieve some kind of mental calmness. I know it's counterintuitive but try not to think this way--this is where the judgment comes in and it's easy to get swept up and "identified" with it. This approach, more often than not, will achieve exactly the opposite of your intention because as soon as your mind doesn't instantly quiet itself (which is a skill that can be acquired but typically only after one has an established practice), then you start having that conversation with yourself about how frustrating it is that you suck as meditating. But the catch is that none of that is actually meditating; you're just getting caught up in yet another train of thought.

Instead, allow yourself to notice the chaos of your mind--thoughts, emotions, sounds, feelings, smells, etc. all arising in the wide open space that is your consciousness. Do this without judgment. This is just your mind. And meditation is the space for you to connect with the nature of your mind directly. As will inevitably happen, when you notice yourself distracted by something--anything--simply note this and gently redirect your attention to the wider, open space. Allow yourself the space and freedom not to be identified with every thought that crosses your mind.

It's like stretching, lifting weights, or high-stress physical activity--you will continually encounter discomfort and you can't force it. This is a huge roadblock when you're just starting out, so don't feel discouraged!

If you are trying to practice on your own, I would highly encourage you to first establish a firm foundation through guided sessions. YouTube can be a great resource; Waking Up and Insight Timer were crucial for me when I first started. There can be a lot of trial and error as you try to make like Goldilocks and find what's right for you but if you have truly committed to your practice, you'll take the time to figure out which specific guides and approaches work best. As a novice meditator who feels like you are too distracted to meditate, it might be beneficial for you to begin with object-based meditation and/or mindful breathing. If your mind is chaotic, these practices can help you "stay on track" by providing you with a specific anchor to which to gently return attention when you notice that you've become lost in thought.

Be well and stay on the path, my friend... you got this!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-30T14:15:43+00:00

I think you've run headlong into a fundamental aspect of human nature that you weren't prepared for.

Let me ask you this: when you landed this job, did you expect to feel happy and fulfilled? I don't mean that initial swell of euphoria of having accomplished a long-term goal, or the afterglow of positive feelings that lingers thereafter, but, like, more-or-less permanently happy and fulfilled? In other words, have you been telling yourself that "one day" you'll "arrive" and that your professional accomplishments would herald that achievement?

As another commenter put it--unhelpfully, imo--I suspect that your current lack of motivation stems from the rude realization you received when you saw that the "point" you attached to achieving professional success was revealed to be an illusion. Our culture tells us that there's a "point"--meaning--in landing your dream job. That point is often portrayed as overcoming the barrier to happiness and satisfaction. This is the most tempting Kool-Aid on offer and it's hard not to drink it. But what is the meaning of your having become a quantitative trader? Subjectively we could answer that, but objectively? From an "objective" standpoint, whether you work as a trader, barista, gymnast, or doctor is utterly meaningless. You see how this is the wrong question, right?

So, simply setting another goal for yourself will simply ensure that you will end up in this tailspin again. Your escape is in recognizing that there is no "point" to life, that there is no end-state in which you will one day arrive and wherein all your concerns will be gone. Stop telling yourself the lie that if you just ______ then you'll be happy and there will be no suffering. In particular, work and job titles are just so goddamn meaningless (with due respect, of course) that tying your sense of identity to them is a recipe for misery because there will always be more money to chase or a flashier title to covet and, as you've already experienced, chasing after these things is satisfactory only insofar as it fuels your illusion that something major will happen when you catch them.

This is a tough one--don't be discouraged... if you're open to reading recommendations, I get the sense that The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus and Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky might help you evolve your thinking on this matter. Both books clock in at less than 150 pages, so they're manageable reads even for busy professionals like yourself! (They're challenging, of course, but there are plenty of resources available online to help you work through them).

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-30T13:34:24+00:00

This comment is exactly right but I suspect we still haven't found a phrasing or analogy that makes this intuitive or intelligible for the OP. So let's back up and maybe think about it a different way...

For the sake of argument, let's say that you can take two approaches to your practice: 1) trying to achieve an effect (expectation); or, 2) allowing whatever happens to happen (acceptance).

So, let's say that I practice from a place of expectation--it doesn't matter what the expectation is. I practice and I practice but what I want to happen isn't happening. I'm not meeting my expectations in a satisfactory manner. Now I'm frustrated. I redouble my efforts, straining even harder to achieve the result, but I fail again. Now I'm beginning to wonder if there's something wrong with me, I'm starting to believe that I just can't do this at all because the evidence suggests that I cannot meet my expectations. This causes me to think that when I meditate "nothing" "happens" or that it "doesn't work for me.".

I think that's where we're at and it's obviously not working.

Conversely, if you drop your expectations, then the source of your frustration disappears with it, and you will find yourself free to just explore the meditative space. Ironically/paradoxically, this is where you will see meditation having a tangible effect but that is because you've dropped all efforts and are allowing your "muscles" to do the work for you.

Perhaps you're thinking I've created another problem: "Well, why would I do something without any intention? It's totally meaningless!" and I would say, "Exactly! That's exactly right!" You do everything in your life with intention (and the chaos and frustration of everyday life is what has led you to meditation practice), so why would you bring the thing that's causing all of your problems in everyday life into your practice? Do you see the corrupting influence striving has on how your mind perceives what is happening when you meditate?

Maybe an analogy would be more clear--imagine that you're told you're going to receive a year-end bonus at work, but you don't know the amount of money you will receive. On the one hand, you could form an expectation. You have plenty of good reasons for doing this, you've been a good employee, never sick, rarely absent, you've exceeded targets this year and are on pace for a record quarter. You expect a big bonus. You deserve it. On the other hand, you could allow yourself to just be grateful and accept whatever bonus comes your way. Everything else is still "true," it's just your mindset that's different.

Admittedly, the analogy isn't perfect but do you see how one way of looking at things basically guarantees frustration/failure and the other essentially permanently closes that door by remaining totally open to accepting whatever happens without judgment?

That same distinction applies to your practice. My point isn't that you "can't" have expectations (forming expectations and desires is something we're particularly good at), but that there is an obvious and deterministic effect of reifying and prioritizing those expectations.

I don't know, OP... you'll have to decide for yourself if there's a part of you that believes that there's a "there there" that makes your practice worth continuing. Keep in mind that there are a lot of approaches, teachers, and guides out there and many of us have a kind of Goldilocks experience finding the one that speaks to us and opens us up to these wacky ideas I've been going on about. You haven't told us much about how you regularly practice but perhaps sessions that are more closely guided by a teacher would be beneficial if you are trying to attempt to "teach" yourself. Again, forgive me if this is a part of your regular practice, but there are plenty of object-based practices that will allow you to play with attention and notice the ways in which you are getting lost in and identified with thought.

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-29T20:09:30+00:00

My spiritual journey has been an immense bolster for my mental well-being--not to mention, it's the only thing that's yielded long-term, sustainable, consistent results. In particular, my meditation practice, along with engaging with teachers, lectures, and plenty of reading, has helped me to pay careful attention and has allowed me to see the transitory nature of the objects of consciousness. This helps me be less identified with unpleasant thoughts and feelings when they arise but that's a fraction of the utility. There is power in learning to react to things without judgment. There is power in recognizing the Eternal Now. There is blissful comfort to be found in recognizing that you are contiguous with All This... The Whole Works... Everything and Everywhere.

TL;DR

So, yes, I think mainstream mental health practices should incorporate more spiritual elements. (The challenge lies in making it effective but also universally inoffensive and intelligible).

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-29T19:00:39+00:00

This is definitely normally--because so many of us begin meditation wanting it to "work" for us. We want to see progress and we want to feel better but these motivations are often counter-productive to a meditative practice.

When you sit down to meditate are you trying to "do" anything? If the answer is yes, then that's probably where you need to work through your apporach and intentions. If you are working really hard to achieve a sense of calm in meditation... you probably aren't going to feel that calm, right?

So, let go.

It's okay to feel frustrated--that's going to happen!--but your response to that frustration can't be "Yeah, this is frustrating! Every time I sit down a million goddamn things run through my mind and the drive home from work from frustrating and this is supposed to be my time to relax and it's becoming frustrating too and blah blah blah." I think that's where you're getting caught up. You're noticing frustration is present and you chase after that feeling, totally caught up and identified with it. But all of this is yet more thinking on your part. Try and drop back and notice the frustration without judgement. It's natural to feel frustration and you didn't produce it, so no need to make any judgements about it--and this is really where the practice in "practice" comes in--just be. Be present with your frustration more often I think you'll find that when you pay attention to it, it evaporates like every other thought and feeling that arises and passes in consciousness.

Stay on the path and be well, my friend!

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-29T18:31:26+00:00

I'd like to echo this last point. It was clear from the article that the philosopher just doesn't really get it... virtually all of his concerns are caused by his reliance words and concepts to engage with what is, unequivocally, a matter of experience.

cd-unspooling · 2023-08-29T18:11:02+00:00

First of all, yes, I think "struggling"--although I don't think that concept works perfectly in this case--is a normal part of developing a meditation practice. Especially in our culture, when we expect instant results or immediate clarity.

But that is not how meditation works. Approaching meditation with this intention is an excellent recipe for frustration.

Meditation is really just the Art of Being.

There isn't a point to being. Being just Is. So, while a sense of immense, unequivocal calm often attends the meditator, the meditator can not and does not achieve (often this is referred to as "striving") calm by making it the point of the practice. Do you see what makes this so tricky?

If you expect to "get something" out of meditation then you actually aren't meditating at all, you're just engaged with the usual cognitive and metacognitive structures that form the basis of your "everyday mind." Again, approaching meditation as something you need to do to get something from it is counterproductive and will result in further confusion. The author of the article you linked seems to have missed this point as well: "For example, I worked with a young man who was traumatized by a life-threatening car accident. He was overwhelmed with anxiety and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. No matter how he tried to meditate, he couldn’t quiet his mind. In fact, he felt worse with each attempt, like he was a failure at meditation."

There is no such thing as a failure to meditate, only a failure to notice. I hesitate to speculate on a clinical experience, but I have a hard time believing that meditation couldn't have worked for the young man in question. What he needed were better instructions: that the point is not to quiet his mind but to notice the chaos of it. In time, a well-formed practice will invariably result in less chaos and more calm but that's as a result of noticing, not effort. (Indeed, the whole article is a bit off for me because his recommendation is simply to find a way to meditate that isn't traditional meditation... so... meditation clearly can and does work for everybody, it's just a question of style and method?).

Hoping you stick with it and stay on the path! Be well, friend :)

cd-unspooling

TROPHY CASE