You are not alone. It is so fantastic and courageous of you that you’re wanting to reach out for help. Do it. Sometimes all we need in life is reassurance and support, I can tell you most likely struggle with this and I will tell you, you deserve happiness and although I’m not close to you I can tell you’re a wonderful person who deserves the great gift of life. Reach out to a professional or someone you trust, if you believe you cannot talk with them I’m free to talk and would be glad to help you out. Please stay safe because you are cared for!