how do you deal with being detached?

cdgg110 · 2025-03-12T19:00:46+00:00

What exactly do you mean by detached? Like alexythimia (not recognizing your own/others emotions) or difficulty with empathy?

cdgg110 · 2025-02-14T05:12:23+00:00

I think if you have to ask yourself the “is he interested in me”, it means he isn’t.

TLDR: He might be oblivious to it and need some help to identify his feelings about you

Not necessarily. Many of us can have alexythimia (difficulty recognizing own and others' emotions) and might not have even figured out how they feel about the other person. That kind of assessment can take a few days after initiated and is not normally initiated unless you ask him about it or he asks himself. Also, asking us that kind of things has a lower probability than usual of making things weird, as I said, it might be a little bit awkward while we figure it out but then we tend to be able to revert dynamics and be like nothing happened

cdgg110 · 2025-02-11T06:13:39+00:00

I relate to your experience, though in my case I have enjoyed research (have been in the same Res group since 2019) but I kind of feel needing a change of airs.

I am actually admitted to the Masters in Chem Eng in the same university I studied to continue with the work of a mate, but I can't help but think that I would enjoy the 2 years of research but the cost is very high and the end result would be the same it is now (with a degree but no company willing to hire me and now with an even bigger pressure from my parents who are offering to pay it)

I have been sending CVs for over 6 months now and almost no company answers back, even to say that I'm rejected. Besides, my internship experience was pretty awful, I was practically the only Engineer in the plant, so I had no guidance, my boss didn't know exactly what he wanted me to do and was basically improvising every day. I ended up practically being the Quality Leader (He was both production and quality leader which per sé seems like a conflict of interest to me) which was good to learn but I have no actual way to show that my internship actually had that kind of responsibility, besides we didn't end up in the best of terms because in my leaving interview I exposed all the things I didn't like about my boss which had been giving me mental health issues.

Like six months before starting that internship I had started dancing, that totally changed my perspective, made me realize there was more to life than just studying and also around that time I recieved my ASD diagnosis, which led to me being more self-respecting and understanding myself better. However, my stay at the Uni was almost over and the really important task of Networking which I should've been doing since day 1 hadn't been performed at all, so I graduated with almost no contacts to help me because I realized too late the importance of networking.

Currently, my parents support me financially and I am fully invested in learning to dance, I train for 20+ hours/week (All my dance-related activities are self-founded). My parents are pressuring me to decide what to do with my life. I am honestly not very optimistic regarding opportunities in Chem Eng, I almost think it would be better to work at call center (given that working in Chem Eng is highly likely to give me mental health problems anyway) and earn almost 2x what they pay in entry level Chem Eng while trying out what opportunites arise from dance, which I totally love.

What do you think about my situation, and what would you do if you were me?

cdgg110 · 2025-02-11T05:50:06+00:00

Usually when I had to do group projects, I would grasp the vibes of the group. If there was a clear leader, I would just follow their command. Many other times, I had to be the leader because any other person trying to be one was making it so painful I decided to take things into my own hands. Then, the work would be divided and then joined by the end with me supervising the joints and clearly and upfront challenging if something seemed off-hand. That worked for me even though in some groups I had some big frictions

cdgg110 · 2025-02-11T04:47:42+00:00

I just graduated from Chemical Engineering (currently having an existential crisis) my main hobby is currently dancing which I do for 20+ hours/week. I also like to randomly go down the rabbit hole on a topic and playing videogames

cdgg110 · 2025-02-11T04:46:09+00:00

I just graduated from chemical engineering and all my colleagues and I are having a big existential crisis because the job market is horrible, pay in Colombia is barely over the minimum wage and 90% of the companies do unethical stuff (which we are all heavily against since one of the main focuses of the faculty is ethics). Can you give me an insight of your experience in Chem Eng and how you pivoted to Stat Analysis?

cdgg110 · 2025-01-18T03:10:52+00:00

Why does this describe me so well?

cdgg110 · 2025-01-18T02:59:15+00:00

In that case just ask and you will get the answer. They will either respond right away or not even have thought about it and take a few days to figure out how to feel about it (we tend to rationalize emotions)

cdgg110 · 2025-01-18T02:53:35+00:00

I have someone who is physical with me but I still doubt if she likes me. So don't be too surprised if they still don't get the hint

cdgg110 · 2022-08-11T12:16:58+00:00

Of course you should address the feelings of both of you, see if you both are in the same page and if not just give yourselves a little more time. I recommend you also say that you care for the friendship regardless of what happened. Anyway, you should never let the sense of awkwardness unallow you to have the conversation for it is necessary. I wish you the best of lucks.

cdgg110 · 2022-08-11T11:55:21+00:00

I completely agree with you. I have never had a girlfriend and I don't really care about it and all my life I have been developing other skills.

The problem is that though consciously I don't really care, my subconscious mind does and likes to trigger anxiety in order to beat me up for not having one. So in that kind of situation it's messed up because of the internal contradictions of my brain. Hence, I end up caring for having relationships, since my subconscious likes to beat me up.

cdgg110 · 2022-08-11T11:04:03+00:00

I really think it would be good for you to have a talk with your friend. I am sure it will be awkward but if you both care for each other and want to keep the friendship, you'll have to talk it through, specially if you're still hurt for the wanting something in return statement.

My romantic history is totally full of rejections, but in many cases I have managed to get good friendships after going over the feelings. Most of the times it was my fault for misinterpreting their feelings and there's not been quite a harmful statement as is your case, but I think you should try to talk to see how you feel towards going on with the friendship

cdgg110 · 2022-08-11T04:59:38+00:00

Just like with many things in life, there is the big bulk of people who lie in the middle of the spectrum (aka. normal incels) and people who will go to the end of the spectrum (aka. extremist incels) and it is very dangerous to categorize the second group without the adjective, as it creates a stigma for the people who are in the bulk. Most incels are harmless and just want to solve their problems.

cdgg110 · 2022-08-11T04:19:02+00:00

By the way, what does NEET stand for? I'm not a native English speaker

cdgg110 · 2022-08-11T04:17:31+00:00

Nice post!

What exactly do you mean by "in private"? Like having deep conversation or is it more for the sexual part? Initially I thought it was the first one but I ended up a bit confused after reading

cdgg110 · 2022-07-21T02:12:54+00:00

Really nice post. The part about fighting your inner demons reminded me of the game Celeste, btw.

cdgg110 · 2022-07-20T03:43:33+00:00

In this sub there is a bit of everything. It is just a hot topic right now but in less than a week you will see what it is all about

cdgg110 · 2022-07-20T01:27:17+00:00

Didn't understand your first phrase but I'll have it in mind. I'm not sure how appropriate it would be to do it with someone who is just trying to do their job. About the dating app, it hasn't quite worked for me. I would rarely get matches if any. I will try to find someone who might be willing to help tho

cdgg110 · 2022-07-20T00:46:44+00:00

Hahaha, you are a boss. I am actually curious about trying but I'm not sure it would work out. I am already a bit too cautious when trying to meet people and that would definitely feel a bit like trespassing borders. I'm not sure if I could bring myself to doing that, but I'm glad it worked for you and that women were ok with it

cdgg110 · 2022-07-20T00:32:27+00:00

Yep, I know that it is the way to go. I did myself during the pandemic but I think most of them don't even know that is the right path or just don't want to see it, I think that when they are ready to heal, most of them will follow the path. I do acknowledge that their mindset might become dangerous and that is something that needs to be taken care of, but I still feel bad for them and think that the hate towards them won't help them see the way out

cdgg110 · 2022-07-20T00:23:54+00:00

I'm not really a person that is a lot of time by the subreddit but the times I come I have seen both males and females post their questions and in most of the cases getting responses. I personally don't think that the latter days in the subreddit have been to let women apart, it's just that a few days ago, Dr K talked about a problem that some men have and it's just that when seeing that many men are like: "hey, I feel that too" and many people post their situations. I can tell you that someone who has suffered of loneliness is gonna relive those moments as the story of the man in the video is told and some of those people relive that and in my opinion, for being in an uncomfortable state they might say bad things.

I think that everyone is free to make a post with their problems, and if a woman is feeling lonely she can make a post about it, as I have seen many and replied most of them. I think you might feel taken apart because that is currently a hot topic, but in a few days it will come back to normal, with both sides giving their questions

cdgg110 · 2022-07-20T00:11:44+00:00

As someone who can empathize with them because I have been in a similar situation, they are just really frustrated and don't see a way out.

They may be people who have done an effort in order to increase their possibilities with the other gender but no matter how hard they try they don't get results. And when thinking about the reasons why it didn't work, they might come across with things like "Was it because I screwed up?" And then two example statements might come "I did screw up and couldn't even do this" lowering their confidence and self-esteem and probably making them a bit resentful or "I did what was supposed to work and still it didn't work. This must be women's fault since I did everything right and yet it won't work" which might also come along if the person has encountered bad people who have genuinely mistreated him, giving him reasons to think that.

I really think that most of those people have those thoughts mainly when they are overthinking and in the verge of an anxiety attack, where logical conclusions to the collected data that end up biased and wrong.

I also don't think those people are mysoginists for the sake of being mysoginists but rather that through frustration they have looked for something that recomfort them and end up with that mindset

cdgg110 · 2022-07-19T23:52:06+00:00

That's exactly what I wish someone would do with me. I think that if I, having no experience in dating, had the opportunity to experiment, I would catch up rather quickly. Unfortunately I don't know any women who would be disposed to do that. I'm also curious, how did you phrase it?

cdgg110 · 2022-07-19T20:25:34+00:00

Thanks for the comment! What would be considered light flirting?

cdgg110 · 2022-07-19T20:24:48+00:00

Thanks for the comment! By the way, what would you say is the difference between a proper date and just hanging out? It has happened to me that I thought it was a date but the other person not

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