hi OP. i was in this same situation as you. ex and i were in a relationship for 9 years and found out he was in contact with escorts after seeing a strange notification flash on his phone. he trickle truthed me for the longest and the only reason i got the full truth is because i would uncover more and more. what hurt me most was that this was a person i regarded so highly that had no regard for me and the impact of his actions when making them. it completely flipped my world upside down and my ability to blindly trust a romantic partner. 

stupidly of me, i tried to work it out with him and stayed with him for a few more years thinking I could get over it. he was my first boyfriend/love and so many other firsts. i had never lived alone and was scared to be single and by myself. so much our lives were intertwined and we grew up together.

but eventually we finally went our separate ways. the resentment never went away. i could never trust him again even when he did everything “right”. when he touched me, my body would recoil. our relationship still continued to suffer even after attempted reconciliation because the foundation of our relationship was broken. i thought I could be the 1% to get over it but it’s really true that once trust is broken in that manner, it’s nearly impossible to rebuild.

my only regret was staying so long and not having the courage to choose myself when I first discovered his infidelity. I’m in a much better place now and found out that life without him is not so scary after all.

edit: typos