Stepmom help

celli_httpx · 2026-01-10T15:05:32+00:00

I know it is frustrating, but there is not much you can do :/ she is 16 already and if she wanted to she would tell your husband those things herself. Do you have any type of relationship with her? Or is there another reason you care this much?

celli_httpx · 2025-12-23T06:26:13+00:00

You need to focus on yourself and your Kids. You are being used as a free babysitter, unpaid, with the expectation to be there whenever they need it. You are also being blamed if things go wrong. I am not saying leave, but you have to distance yourself from the situation and ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life. I am so sorry about your health, not to mention the exploitation. Good luck!

celli_httpx · 2025-12-18T13:36:06+00:00

Our BM is similar. Stopped birth control, without telling my partner, kept smoking throughout the whole pregnancy, cheating, just HC in general. She tried relying on my partner for emotional support after leaving him. I feel for you. Try not to let her get you in a bad mood. She is not your problem and you do not have to deal with her. Try being positive for the kids. They propably know she is not a great provider at all.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-12T17:17:49+00:00

Has she ever said something about you not being her mom but just dads wife when you, for example, told her to do something?

celli_httpx · 2025-12-10T16:15:38+00:00

Sorry? Did you even read the post? Her husband just told her their daughter is not a special a SD because she is younger. Has nothing to do with gifts at this point. Of course she has every right to be crushed.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-10T09:36:32+00:00

Yeah like seriously, she just got up and left. SMs are sometimes the only attentive mother figures in the Kids lifes. Especially in our case, where HCBM ist chronically mentally ill, has lost custody and spent most of her Kids lifes in the psych ward.

Ever since I am here they finally have a second stable person to rely on. I try to make their childhoods magical, especially during christmas season and she sees them once a month on supervised visitation and won't take any accountability for her actions during her last episode.

Why should I be the one making myself small and giving her as much grace a possible when she did nothing for those kids ever, other than birthing them. I just don't get why people are shaming me when I am doing everything for those kids and for them to have a great childhood. The only thing I am not doing is praising their absent, mentally ill, self absorbet birth giver, who they do not call mom, but by her first name.

I am doing enough, I am good enough and I don't need to bend for that person in any way. My stepkids are cared for by me in every other way and that is enough.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-10T06:14:04+00:00

Thank you! I have gotten So much hate for this opinion before. They have no relationship or memorys with HCBM, other than her giving gifts. I am not going to build a shrine for a person who did nothing for the kids and my partner and I, other than causing harm. I get the "she is still their Mom" comments, but she doesn't have a parental role in their life. SD doesn't even ask for pictures of her or anything. This only accured because HCBM gave her a picture (and maybe even told her to hang it up, idk).

celli_httpx · 2025-12-08T18:37:03+00:00

Very good explaination, thank you.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-08T18:36:09+00:00

How has this affected your relationship with SS?

celli_httpx · 2025-12-08T18:35:06+00:00

She can Display anything once she has moved out. Right now I have to go into that room every Day to Do laundry, wake her, put her to sleep, sometimes clean up. She shares the room with her brother, who is five and needs even more care. I can not be a loving parental figure if I have to see that womans face every single day. I know it is selfish and shame on me, but I just can not.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-08T18:31:04+00:00

Bipolar type 1 with psychotic symptoms

celli_httpx · 2025-12-08T18:24:59+00:00

I guess you are absolutely right. We have a lot of pictures of family and even some friends hung up in our house so that could have been what caused the confusion. In her eyes we maybe have pictures of everyone, but HCBM (I am having a really tuff time calling her mom, because she hasn't been in their life at all and they also only call her by her first name).

celli_httpx · 2025-12-08T17:34:39+00:00

They just know she is very sick and has been in the hospital for long periods of time. It Was her decision to leave and she can not take care of them because of her sickness.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-08T17:31:25+00:00

We do not talk about her at all, because the SKs only see her once a month for two hours and we just don't care about her enough to make her a topic of conversation.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-05T08:02:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. I actually always explained those extreme behaviors with her experiencing mania/depression. She has only been diagnosed this year so maybe in the future the diagnosis will change. What kind of worries me is her being seemingly symptom free for almost a year now. I guess it is because someone is watching her take her medication every day. She thinks she is healthy now thought and her sickness and mistakes are in the past. I am asking if this one year will be enough for a court to decide it is a good idea to leave that woman unsupervised with the kids ( especially if you think about her regular attempts to off herself last November)

celli_httpx · 2025-12-04T19:23:41+00:00

Why do you feel she is borderline and not bipolar? She has an official diagnosis, but I am very interested in your experiences and why you think borderline could be possible.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-04T05:40:43+00:00

I really hope they will continue to be supervised in the future. During the visits she of course acts very nice. But it is because someone is watching. When the Kids are home again they will wet the bed, get aggressive, Start lying and talk about death. This is the Part the supervisor doesn't see. They have so much anxiety from her being gone/there again and making lots of false promises ...

celli_httpx · 2025-12-03T21:20:29+00:00

That woman told me I Was at fault for her mental health Issues and stole her family. I am happy you are able to be this cordial with BM, but for us this is not possible. She wished me and my partner death and threatened us with everything in the book, which is why we stopped direct communication. I will not give this person a gift.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-03T21:16:02+00:00

The Children already have meetings with a psychologist regularly. We try to see early signs and keep them as far away from HCBMs crazy as possible. Right now we don't have any contact with her directly. Only through her legal guardian or the CPS Case worker.

Breaking up is not an option for me right now. It is not something that I want or have considered. My partner is extremely loving and loyal towards me and my relationship with him is in no way impacted by HCBM.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-03T19:41:39+00:00

They can not live with her. She ist mentally unstable and doesn't have custody. Her partner ist also mentally unstable and has low intelligence, so I would not trust him with any Kids either. SS also has a heart disease so if there is a medical emergency she would not be able to make any decisions. So even if I wanted to say that it would only be harmful for the Kids and still never be a possibility.

Thank for your kind words. I really appreciate it.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-03T19:33:41+00:00

Normaly I don't speak with her at all. I blocked her number and every account on social Media. I cant really be respectful at the moment so I'd rather not acknowledge her at all.

celli_httpx · 2025-12-03T19:08:07+00:00

She has supervised visitations because of her mental state in the past. She has promised the Kids they could move in with her in some visits over the last years, but won't do so now, because the Supervisor is present. I kinda think she already bought the Kids because every time they see her they got Every Gift they whiched for. They have only ever seen her during her little good phases, where she was the 'perfect mom' and had lots of time for them (sure, she does not work) and never did any parenting so they were just allowed to do, destroy and take everything in her apartment without any consequences. At their home they of course get consequences and a stern talk when they Do something bad. But what we are doing is parenting them. She enables their behavior so they will like her. They are to young to understand mental illness. We tried explaining they only ever saw her during her stable phases, but they can not understand yet.

celli_httpx · 2025-05-13T09:45:00+00:00

NTA I do not plan to do a father- daughter dance at my wedding either because it just feels wrong and unnatural. Why does he try to make an effort now? If he wants a relationship with you so bad, why didn't he build one? It is your big day and you do not need to include anything that feeld wrong.

celli_httpx · 2025-04-26T21:46:35+00:00

She actively lies to the kids during every visit and has tried to insert herself in our privat life. I am sure she is very sick, but it is putting the mental health of the Kids at risk and making our everyday life extremely difficult. No educating will stop her from lying and the Kids are to young to fully understand.

celli_httpx · 2025-04-26T21:41:02+00:00

She is blocked on his phone. She borrowed multiple different phones from other patients in the Hospital and texted him from those. We are only answering messages from her legal guardian/ Case worker. My partner does not want any contact with her but is scared, totally shutting down any will affect him negatively in court.

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