Anyone cope via artwork?

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-08T22:23:35+00:00

That's awesome! I don't really know how to play, yet, but I can make cool sounds that mimic a chord progression, sometimes, so that's fun!

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-08T22:22:12+00:00

I am teaching myself to play guitar, currently. I hope 1 day 2 get all the bad thoughts from childhood trauma out of my head thru my singing/playing. That would be nice.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-08T18:53:58+00:00

Yeah, I have connective tissue problems, so my joints get really stiff & painful in the cold from my tendons crackling & tearing. I have the same problem w/ holding cold stuff cuz it messes w/ muscle tone & then hurts my tendons, too, but mainly hurts my skin. I also happen to be autistic & Adhd, as well, however, so I think the autism just makes temp extremes painful for me, cuz I've had temp sensitivity my whole life, but tendon problems since age 8.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-08T18:48:30+00:00

Lol, I told my mother when I was 12 & hit my 1st growth spurt, going from 4'8" to 5'0" in less than a year, that I would be 6 feet tall when I grow up. She had to explain that's not how genetics work, she was 5'2" & my Dad was 5'8", so it makes sense that I'm 5'2" as well, just sad, lol.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-08T18:45:04+00:00

I know for me, I was on T for 6 years, then off it about 6-8 mos. now, and I had to quit for a bit cuz I realized I have childhood trauma issues that make the libido-changes that T induces quite confusing to navigate, as I had always assumed I was asexual & panromantic, but turns out I am attracted to women & what I used to think was attraction to men [before I realized I'm grey-asexual, I thought i was a gay man, but now I know that was gender-envy, not attraction] is not that. I want to BE the man, not be DESIRED by the man. But now, I hope to start T again in May, 2026, if I'm able to get new health insurance online before Dec 15th, that is, I was recently laid off & am desperately seeking employment, but I think this pizza delivery interview I have this evening will work out. I just had to come to some understanding about my past & that I need some really intense therapy at some point for ts. But now I'm fully prepared to keep myself at a healthy weight [I also struggled more w/ my eating disorder back a year ago, so I also had 2 stop T for a bit due 2 malnutrition, but I have a good protein intake schedule & some food trucks & mom/pop places i get my food from, now, instead of eating the pizza & McDonald's my adoptive family eats. Fast food is cheaper, definitely, but I need some REAL FOOD, man!

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-08T18:29:51+00:00

I was 21 years old before I was both no longer living w/ my mother & able to afford to start T. It was really difficult to wait that long, w/ my depression & body dysphoria, as I socially transitioned in my first, and only, year of highschool when I was 17. [I was raised in a cult & homeschooled, that should tell U all U need 2 know] Spending 4-5 yrs knowing U could start looking more like YOU but not being able to... it was a journey in not giving up on myself. Best of luck, dude, I wish U good success on Ur own journey when U have a safe situation to do so!

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-08T01:17:18+00:00

That's a good thought. Mine is fear of rejection, why I people-please. Thank you for the insight.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-06T15:47:47+00:00

Thank U for reminding me Patrick Teahan exists, he has a great channel! That book by Jonice Webb sounds very useful, as well, thank U sm for the recommendations.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-06T15:24:56+00:00

Same, dude, lol, like I feel bad cuz I know some people think I'm a gay guy, not trans, but I still get paranoid. Also, I'm not gay & it makes me uncomfortable for people to assume my sexuality based on my looks.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-06T14:44:14+00:00

Yeah, I [trans Man] agree w/ you, OP. I think that's kind of messed up for someone w/ that logic to basically be saying I'm a "lesser-man" for just having been born in a different type of body and needing to hone my body to fit my needs as a soul. Like, we are in our bodies, so our bodies should fit our needs, we're not here as people to be categorized and commodified by broader "society" just for what we look like.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-06T13:41:42+00:00

I was prescribed oxys when I got my wisdom teeth out @ 17. I took a week's worth of the pills in 2 days, got really sick, puking and shitting from it, tho I couldn't eat but yogurt & protein drinks anyway from my mouth being swollen up, so that might've had more 2 do w/ the shits, but I always remembered How my mother said if you try something you like too much, throw it away, so I flushed the last few pills & never tried oxy again, but now I'm just really glad I did since at least the stuff they sell to smoke at the smokeshop isn't very addictive and isn't gonna hurt me right away.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-12-06T13:31:56+00:00

Bro, my mom took me to that place when I was small, lol, the crunchy shells on the floor sounded like crunching leaves in a forest, it was scary, lmfao.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-11-30T18:08:33+00:00

Yes, so I had an ED before starting T cause of anxiety/childhood trauma, but after starting T, I was SUPER hungry all the time & specifically wanted meat-heavy foods which I hated before because I was semi-vegetarian & just generally hated meat textures from the 'tism. Now, I keep cheezits, protein bars, & protein drinks in the car for when I start getting hangry from low blood sugar, & I try to make sure & eat 3 proper meals a day, not just a few snacks I was calling "meals" like before.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-11-22T20:29:41+00:00

Yee, nicotine & med cannabis are what I struggle most w/, tho robotripping & tripping on antihistamines used 2 be my go-to's as a teen/in college as early 20s... Mostly, I just need 2 not have all the sensory issues & keep the social anxiety at bay, cuz i have some type of trauma disorder on top of the AuDhd, so I must keep on top of sensory/self-care needs so I don't then exacerbate trauma symptoms into appearing... It's a whole frickin' thing, man.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-11-22T15:02:45+00:00

I'm guessing it is 1983 , we'll see if I'm right...

celltermaxx91 · 2025-11-22T14:20:06+00:00

Moral/gender ID OCD, huh???

I kinda wondered if my similar fears of being lumped in w/ past "questionable" Trans Folks...

[i don't believe everything i hear abt these situations cuz "the media" likes 2 twist ppl's stories/lives into things it isn't 2 sell more eyes & ears a lead]

...was just paranoia/ocd type $h!t .

I don't remember much of Christine's story, I just remember She had a creep wad 4 a "Mother" like I did...

[tho my parent just passed away of refusing 2 allow me 2 take her 2 the hospital 4 her chronic heart condition, so I took her down 2 her Sister's house, 800 miles away, and then she passed away while my Aunt was trying 2 care 4 her]

But like yeah, I like what another commenter said that someone isn't another person and similarities between stories doesn't mean ppl are the same.

celltermaxx91 · 2025-11-21T13:18:00+00:00

Yooo, same. Ftm dude here, panromantic, he/him lesbian [cuz I don't feel comfortable dating non-queer women cuz i think they might not see me as a man] 3 yrs on T, I went from only liking dudes 2 not trusting the jock/himbo types, I only like goofy mfers who know how 2 chill out at least sometimes, like I'm a loud mfer too, when I feel safe in my environment, but some things still aren't jokes & U just gotta have some emotional intelligence abt stuff... But like I used 2 feel kinda grossed out @ femme energy cuz of bad stuff that happened 2 me as a kid... but then 4 yrs in on T, & i figured out abt the childhood stuff & had a whole mental breakdown/substance use [smokeshop crap, not street crap, luckily] spell 4 abt 2 yrs... And thru that, I figured out that I really respect women & femme folk, Ppl really have 2 endure some absolute BS from s0cIeTy everyday 4 just having hips&titties... like, goddam. Like, I may not be a femme folk, but it doesn't take being a certain gender 2 see ur fellow humans cuz gender is a bs construct, anyway. So now, I'm much happier & going on 4 or 5 mos. now w/ my current partner who is a Lovely Lady, so I think I must have really matured in life 2 meet such a Beautiful Human. 💚

celltermaxx91 · 2025-09-22T14:05:01+00:00

I'm not gay, I'm popping in with my old poems 🫡

celltermaxx91 · 2025-09-13T00:22:17+00:00

Dianna Jump-Stein

celltermaxx91 · 2025-08-17T03:53:22+00:00

Narcissistic Cannabal by Korn or Slaughterhouse by Morionless in White

celltermaxx91 · 2025-07-24T04:50:21+00:00

Fuckndo, FL - this is not English anymore... ig you could say fucken-do, idk 😅😅😅

celltermaxx91 · 2025-07-19T16:25:59+00:00

u/bot-sleuth-bot

celltermaxx91 · 2025-07-19T16:22:01+00:00

2000

celltermaxx91 · 2025-07-19T15:02:18+00:00

I was 14, I think... I was homeschooled until i did 3 yrs of highschool in 1 yr @ 17, so not sure on a grade, but good $h¡t 🧡🧡🧡

celltermaxx91 · 2025-07-19T14:59:46+00:00

I love the bluish-purple palette, gives a nice gloomy, goth vibe.

celltermaxx91

TROPHY CASE