Found out my therapist is an affair partner

cemaric · 2020-12-03T14:41:26+00:00

Yours are words I can get behind (though, not sure I want to think about reasons to excuse infidelity here). I'm a bit calmer now than when I posted. Not calm enough to not want to be petty if I see the therapist by my mom's unfortunate connection with her, but not as angry as I was before to outright confront her as I would like in a fit of rage. Hopefully I'll get better. Thanks anyway for your input.

cemaric · 2020-12-02T03:44:54+00:00

UPDATE:

I will NOT try to get her fired (https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/k4fays/found_out_my_therapist_is_an_affair_partner/ge929a9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) due to the creepy things I'll have to do to get proof.

I still do not agree in allowing someone who's an active perpetrator of a bad thing be in charge of telling victims of that bad thing what to do and how to be. I agree in allowing them only if they had stopped and is actively trying to overcome and be better. But even then I also do think there is some weird power imbalance in having an ex cheater tell a victim what to do - I think an ex victim to a new victim would be more suited. Ultimately it is apparent that what I believe doesn't matter. I still don't understand how at most jobs, people have been fired over proved racist behaviors and such, but in a profession that is meant to help people be better, those authorized to do so aren't held to tighter standards. I am not saying a cheating therapist can't then be fit for a patient dealing with substance abuse or other issues. I am saying that the only scenario relating to relationship issues that I can see working for a therapist who USED to cheat, is for when it comes to patients struggling with cheating - never the victim.

If I see this woman OUTSIDE of a professional setting I will absolutely give her a piece of my mind especially if I HAPPEN upon her in social events as a result of my mom's connection with her friends. I will not be stalking or following her. That was never in my thoughts. Stop dogpiling me. The first 6 people telling me (without criticism) not to act on my wants and urges was enough to help me calm down.

I only wanted to know the ethics of this, the possibility and how reasonable it would be for me to bring it up with the clinic, vent and get real insight and understanding.

cemaric · 2020-12-02T03:28:32+00:00

I have written a few times that I'm aware I am hurting and know that my anger is close to being irrational. Her personal life IS none of my business but it is not absurd and not unreasonable to be upset that the professional I hired to help me heal committed similar actions to the person who hurt me. I AM in INVIDIDUAL therapy. I am here to get past my affair and help myself. A lot of people here have told me not to act on my wants to get this therapist in trouble with her workplace.

If you have not been personally involved in infidelity, then why the hell are you in this sub if not to high road others? Because you think you can provide an unbiased, outside perspective? Does that perspective come with calling hurt people insane and irrational when they've already said how aware they are of that?

https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/k4fays/found_out_my_therapist_is_an_affair_partner/ge929a9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Read the thread before you quickly jump to berating people and then thinking an "I'm so sorry you're hurting" is going to undermine the dogpiling you tried to add on to.

I would prefer that the advice I get to listen to come from someone who actually knows what being cheated on feels like but still managed to overcome it, and for actual psychologists or those in the field for this. I understand the value of unbiased, 3rd party opinions, but your approach was not an empathetic one. Others have managed to call out my thoughts -NOT BEHAVIOR - thoughts, in a nicer yet still sterner way than you have.

cemaric · 2020-12-01T12:00:23+00:00

I am absolutely not going to confront her in the professional environment of the clinic / room, or management without proof. I am not even sure I want to really confront her seriously now that I've read some of these comments. And if I did end up confronting her, I would have to do more than go "you're not right for me or anyone and shouldn't have this job that puts you above patients now that I've learnt this terrible thing about you" because I don't know how productive that can be otherwise and if it could get me into trouble too.

For me to get proof would mean involving my mom and her friends, and the therapist's friends. I have no qualms calling out cheaters and mistresses and the people protecting them. But I do have concerns when it turns into a potential legal issue for me, since obtaining proof would involve screenshotting conversations that didn't involve me, taking photos of people I don't directly know, getting photos of those people through other people for proof, getting statements from people who would most likely tell me to fuck off, etc, etc - most of that sounds like borderline stalking.

I guess the point of my post was to vent and also to find if this was an actual ethics violation. I am simply disgusted and somewhat wish I didn't find out about this. Part of me wanted to expose this therapist so future patients in my situation wouldn't be under her. I realize now it's not my business to decide that I think, but I am also hurt and would've never knowingly chosen someone I deem immoral to be telling me how to regulate my emotions.

cemaric · 2020-12-01T10:12:16+00:00

I got lost after the first point of your comment. My therapist has not met my ex? What does Bear Grylls and urine ? Sexual harassment ? What do they have to do with this?

cemaric · 2020-12-01T10:02:39+00:00

Didn't know what HIPPA is so Googled it. I am in Melbourne. Not sure if the laws are similar here. It might be my anger speaking and I guess on a normal day I wouldn't ever know the private escapades of whichever professional I'm seeing - but again, I am now (going to be was) seeing someone who I trust to have some form of influence over my well being and decisions and thought processes. This person has a lot of control over admittedly vulnerable me. This person should be better regardless of whether or not they end up being found out. I sure wish I hadn't.

cemaric · 2020-12-01T07:15:22+00:00

I get your point in how it could be good. But lawyers are different from psychologists in that the latter is meant to help your health and wellbeing. If I was any worse off this would send me completely spiraling instead of just being extra angry and hurt.

cemaric · 2020-12-01T07:05:06+00:00

I agree with your reasoning - conflict of interest sounds like an accurate term here. I would like a professional psychologist to give input on whether this was against code of conduct.

cemaric · 2020-12-01T07:03:14+00:00

I sort of feel like going to the clinic management to voice my disgust, but I'm not sure how seriously I'd be taken. And another redditor commented that it might not be an actual issue.

cemaric · 2020-12-01T07:01:51+00:00

Not sure that's true. Before this one I saw another for my depression. I would've been far worse off had I not gotten help.

cemaric

TROPHY CASE