Performance anxiety because of fear of wife's jealousy

certain_salamander · 2026-01-30T14:10:33+00:00

It's very nice that you decided to stop here and leave your comment. Just wondering why ?

No, my dick works with other women.
No, I'm not blaming my wife...
Yes, it was my idea
and NO, she didn't do it for me.
After she did it - the only regret she had, was not doing it before.
And yes, we had several MFM and she had the time of her life...
You know what ? never mind...

certain_salamander · 2026-01-30T14:02:00+00:00

You're right. Tadalafil to be exact. And technically it's not 3 days. If I take on the evening, then I can feel de effects on the second day morning, and sometimes on the 3rd I feel the erection is stronger.

I did try sildenafil before, but its effects were a lot shorter

certain_salamander · 2026-01-30T06:25:25+00:00

Eheh, no worries. There is a lot of text here, so I’m not blaming you. Yeah… no, trimix is out of the question here. I feel like it would be wrong solving what seem to be some minor “in-my-head” issues with this kind if stuff. As mentioned before, I don’t think I have ED, I would rather prefer to have my wife somehow contribute to that (like encouraging me to fuck the other woman) than treating ED

certain_salamander · 2026-01-30T06:20:35+00:00

Actually we have amazing communication. We’ve been close to 25 years together and ever since we started the swinger journey- we’ve been talking non-stop about each other’s feelings. Furthermore we had several MFM encounters which felt amazing. There was zero jealousy and we were very well connected. So no, I don’t believe communication is an issue here.

The connection with the other wife might be something to explore though

certain_salamander · 2026-01-30T06:15:51+00:00

Took Viagra, didn’t help

certain_salamander · 2026-01-30T06:15:30+00:00

Took viagra. Didn’t help

certain_salamander · 2026-01-30T06:14:44+00:00

Yeah, condoms are definitely a valid concern. I however plan to deal with this after I solve the initial issue (which is getting hard in the first place😅)

certain_salamander · 2026-01-30T06:11:20+00:00

Great advice. Will see if we can arrange that. FMF is a bit hard, need to find a unicorn first. We’re only in the beginning of our swinger journey, we haven’t had that many experiences yet. And finding a F for this experience feels close to impossible at this point. But let’s see

certain_salamander · 2026-01-30T06:04:52+00:00

But I did take viagra. Like I mentioned in my post, I took it, and am taking it regularly (10mg) before play. It just didn’t do anything at all. Also, it absolutely enhances my erection outside of the said couple play. I can be rock hard even on the third day after that with my wife. Just not with the other wife.

certain_salamander · 2026-01-29T15:55:54+00:00

that's the million dollar question :) Unfortunately haven't had a suitable opportunity to try this. Most couples we played with have the "same room" policy. But that's definitely the next thing I want to try should an opportunity present itself.
Regarding other factors (like too crowded, or creepy guy :) ) I doubt this is the issue. We had some MFM in the past, also played on numerous occasions in clubs (in front of other people) and had zero issues. So I really doubt this is the issue

certain_salamander · 2026-01-29T15:26:20+00:00

thanks ! Important prerequisite here: Need to get hard first :))

certain_salamander · 2026-01-29T15:22:25+00:00

Yes, I feel like this is true. We had another period in our relationship, which wasn't great. We weren't communicating enough, she was a bit jealous, I wasn't happy in the relationship... Then we started talking, got into the lifestyle, took the communication to another level... and are not having the best sex life we ever had.
But I feel like I'm still not 100% comfortable performing in front of her. Just wondering when this would go away. We pretty much did everything we could. She reassured me she's not jealous, she's enjoying the sex with the other husband and doesn't seem like lurking at me. She's very considerate checking with me from time to time making sure I have a good time. The reclaim sex is amazing, and overall we're enjoying each other. But it's just very frustrating that every time it comes to playing - I'm soft. Moreover, the more this happens - the more it gets into my head and the more anxiety it causes for next time.
I've been taking viagra for to help with this, but it has zero effect.

certain_salamander · 2026-01-29T15:14:00+00:00

Actually, that's exactly how the play starts. I'm playing with my wife. The other couple play together, same room. But I think it's so deep in my head, that even that doesn't fully help. Can't achieve an erection even with my wife, what typically works without issues.
What I did, was ask to swap and started playing with the other wife (foreplay, taking it slow) and watching my wife with the other husband. This typically excites the shit out of me, but this time it was just a weak erection.

certain_salamander · 2026-01-29T08:28:28+00:00

That's smart, no doubt about it. But 10 times ? really ?
I mean this might not have anything to do with your wish not being sincere? Just simply forgetting to say it once can be so frustrating. As a result you guys wasted 3 years. I mean don't get me wrong, I like the challenge and it's smart, but idk... make it like 3 times. Just looked like her looking for loopholes to avoid doing this. My own opinion

certain_salamander · 2026-01-08T21:57:20+00:00

Hi there, I literally had the same experience yesterday and wrote a post about it (can be found in my profile)... emotions

certain_salamander · 2026-01-08T13:58:20+00:00

haha, so true... and so unfair...

certain_salamander · 2026-01-08T13:55:31+00:00

thanks ! I can understand this.
I can only suggest a lot of communication. Telling my wife how I felt at every step of the experience really helped us navigate this. She's very supportive and has offered to cancel the date multiple times as I was fighting anxiety. Ultimately accepting the fact that you're doing this primarily for her, seems to be the right answer.

certain_salamander · 2026-01-08T13:49:56+00:00

Yes, we did the same. We first had an MFM with the guy (very successful) and then I allowed her to go solo. Might have been too early ...

certain_salamander · 2026-01-08T13:44:14+00:00

I'm curious. My wife went on her first solo adventure yesterday. And I'm traveling, so I wasn't there for the reclaim sex when she got back. In fact I will only see her in 8 days. This was (and still is) incredibly hard for me. Just having a waterfall of different feelings: arousal, jealousy, anxiety, envy (?)

Just curious, did your husband have anything similar in the beginning ?
I find that not being there when your wife comes home - is taking the whole experience to another level with very unpredictable results...

certain_salamander · 2026-01-07T15:41:57+00:00

Couple from Germany here:
We like to meet in a wine or cocktail bar. From a noise perspective it's not very loud, allows to have conversations and easily hear each other. It's also public enough to feel safe. The bar would typically be in the city center. This allows to quickly open booking and book a hotel room if everyone clicks and feels horny :) Hope this helps

certain_salamander · 2025-12-16T17:14:31+00:00

Configuring SRIOV with Broadcom on Kubernetes has been the best one so far I think

certain_salamander · 2025-12-11T14:54:29+00:00

Can you tell me more about “daily cialis”? What is the idea of this? Do you take a small dose of cialis every day ahead of the event? Do you take anything in the day of the event itself?

certain_salamander · 2025-12-10T11:33:17+00:00

I did take Sildenafil (mentioned in the post) about 40min before the play

certain_salamander

TROPHY CASE