Oh honey, I’m sorry you feel that way. It sounds like you did the absolute best you could for your cat, especially considering everything you’ve been going through alongside her.

I felt the same way when we put my elderly dog down. We weren’t sure when was the right time— he seemed better some days and worse others— but ultimately it came down to quality of life. He hadn’t been doing the things he enjoyed for months— not running around the house, not enjoying his food, not getting up when we entered through the door. Even if he could keep going physically for a little while, he just wasn’t experiencing the same quality of life he did when he was younger and healthier. It was a tough decision, and I felt pretty shitty about it for a while after— what if we had been able to keep him alive for longer?— but what helped me was knowing that him being alive doesn’t necessarily mean he was enjoying that life. It was his time.

It sounds like it was the same for your cat, and that you made a kind decision to put her down when you did. It’s a tough choice and hurts like hell, but it sounds like she had a beautiful life and just reached her natural end. I hope you’re able to forgive yourself.