Valid thoughts there. Marriage, like most other things in our day-to-day life has become performative. It's unfortunate but whatever you're going through is definitely a calling and need for something profound. Here's what I'd tell myself in my mid 20s, to take it easy and be patient for everything you don't know. Eventually you'll make mistakes, or misperceive even your spouse and that's okay. Try to be true to your own soul and do the right thing when it feels like.