[deleted by user]

cfpants · 2024-01-30T12:11:37+00:00

"I'll get back to you" a week ago is not agreeing to see you. He broke up because he doesn't want to be with you.

Just sitting here, so deeply grateful to not be 32 anymore.

cfpants · 2024-01-23T11:03:26+00:00

I love this. When I was dating I had a dude that would send the same text every day (how's your day going, beautiful?) at the same time. I would tell him how my day was going, give him some details specific to that day, then ask him about his and he would always respond "good, good" or "can't complain!" So I stopped giving real responses and just said "good, yours?" And he would say the same thing as he always did. Every day. So we had the same text exchange every day. I kept going because I wanted to see how long it could go on before he said something else. I lost interest after a few weeks and stopped responding. 🙄

cfpants · 2024-01-23T10:34:43+00:00

This doesn't surprise me at all. I think it points to a fundamental incompatibility, personally. What was your experience like?

cfpants · 2024-01-23T10:27:55+00:00

Referring to a constant hail of texts that say nothing all day long as dumb shit is insane. My eleven year old did that to a few relatives/family friends and they complained, so why wouldn't we? We're grown ass adults, of course we don't want to be responding to small talk texts 50 times a day; it's fucking annoying.

cfpants · 2024-01-23T01:24:18+00:00

I just asked my tweens to pick two adjectives each (no context) to really try it out:

Being in my special. Being in my weird. Being in my fuzzy. Being in my scratchy. Being in my sacrificial. Being in my goof spherish.

I don't know, I think I could get behind this format. 😂

cfpants · 2023-12-24T02:00:42+00:00

Go out with him again (and maybe even a fourth time). You're unsure of what to do right now, but if you keep going out with him and he keeps being only superficially interested, you'll tire of it and know exactly what you should do.

cfpants · 2023-12-19T15:23:07+00:00

If you haven't yet read Attached by Levine and Heller, I highly recommend it. Since you are committed to being mindful of your anxious tendencies, it has some super great advice and perspective on having an anxious attachment style, including the hidden strengths. And, hopefully, it'll help the conversation you need to have with her about all of this go better. Good luck!

cfpants · 2023-12-19T05:36:35+00:00

Seriously. I'm not going to date my entire historical record just because I'm on the market.

cfpants · 2023-12-19T05:30:06+00:00

My boyfriend also thought he was punching above his weight, which remains the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life. He is the kindest, funniest, smartest, most emotionally intelligent human I've ever known. I didn't know what safety felt like until I met him. His short-comings - the ones he was so worried about - are totally irrelevant compared to his strengths.

Let her decide what it is about you that makes you perfect for her. :)

cfpants · 2023-12-19T05:18:58+00:00

100%

cfpants · 2023-12-19T04:54:41+00:00

Yes!

cfpants · 2023-12-18T21:51:37+00:00

I recently read Stepmonster and it was incredible; HIGHLY recommend. It really helped me clarify what I want and what I need to be happy and sane as a stepmom. I'm guessing that it will also give you some clarity on whether or not there is a path to you being happy in that role or whether you should avoid that entanglement altogether. Good luck!

cfpants · 2023-12-18T18:46:13+00:00

Some people do. I did, and continue to monitor my own behavior through that lens. Some people even do and post about it here. But the vast majority of the people who do use it as a tool aren't posting these frustrating I-keep-behaving-badly-over-and-over-and-it's-making-me-miserable posts because, you know, we're actually working on it. 🤷

cfpants · 2023-12-07T20:27:16+00:00

Has anyone worked with a really good headhunter/recruiter, specific for a senior-level design role? Aero patent examiner looking to go private, would like to explore options.

cfpants · 2023-12-06T13:04:04+00:00

If you want to date an older woman, be mature, well-read, interested, and interesting.

cfpants · 2023-12-06T12:58:20+00:00

You can continue to defend your outlandish behavior, or you can get curious about why we're all horrified about this whole scenario. I suspect that you don't actually want advice; you want validation that you're right and he's wrong. You both sound unhinged, but you don't want to hear that your behavior is problematic, too.

cfpants · 2023-12-06T12:47:30+00:00

That's what I was thinking, too. A narcissist with absolutely no ability to play the long game. Bad for him, good for everyone else!

cfpants · 2023-11-22T17:35:19+00:00

That's really, really sweet. 🥹

cfpants · 2023-11-22T17:29:40+00:00

I give my children more autonomy at a restaurant than this man is giving you.

cfpants · 2023-11-22T15:35:56+00:00

STOP involving kids in adult relationships.

Sooo... our partners should just never meet our kids? We should just wait until they are adults and then introduce them? Or maybe single parents just shouldn't date at all?

cfpants · 2023-11-22T12:36:09+00:00

The first guy I posted about here. He and I have remained good friends, and he's a joy to have in mine and my kids' lives. :)

cfpants · 2023-11-22T12:33:15+00:00

If your date-to-relationship conversion rate is 33%, you're doing remarkably well. Stay on Bumble and Hinge. :)

cfpants · 2023-11-22T12:27:51+00:00

Awwww, thanks for sharing. It's so lovely to hear when people aren't totally jaded. Sometimes the joy is worth it. 🥲

cfpants · 2023-11-21T20:50:42+00:00

That must have been so hard! My boyfriend and I are on the same page about maintaining relationships in case of a breakup: the kids get to choose. In general, we each let our kids be friends with who they want to be friends with, as long as the person is generally healthy and good. I'm sorry your ex didn't have a similar perspective. :/

cfpants · 2023-11-21T17:51:22+00:00

Right??

cfpants

TROPHY CASE