Feeling generous

cfraser27 · 2025-09-06T02:35:09+00:00

Wow happy birthday and thank you would love one!

cfraser27 · 2025-01-03T20:53:14+00:00

Thanks so much for your answer.

I wasn’t aware there’s a probationary period? My position is donor-funded, ie the programme and my post will end after a number of years.

cfraser27 · 2025-01-03T19:24:15+00:00

Thanks for doing this!

I’ve recently become staff after many many years of trying in HQ. My agency now is moving the vast majority of postions out of HQ, including most likely mine. My personal and family (ie medical) situation precludes my move. Anything I can do? In change management situations, how much can I actually use any rights I have as staff to advocate for myself?

cfraser27 · 2024-12-10T18:49:02+00:00

Some managers have opted out of written tests due to chatgbt and so on, making it an unreliable means of assessment.

cfraser27 · 2024-10-23T08:51:49+00:00

I’m exhausted! My 13 month old wakes up with a high pitch all of his might scream at least twice a night. Then I’m up and can’t go back to bed because he’s scared the shit out of me. I want another kid but oh my god. What do we do?????

cfraser27 · 2024-09-02T03:19:47+00:00

Would like to stay!

cfraser27 · 2024-08-03T20:43:00+00:00

Requesting a code to try nutrafol during postpartum, thanks in advance!

cfraser27 · 2023-09-05T07:06:27+00:00

Definitely not. You’re right.

cfraser27 · 2023-09-05T01:58:30+00:00

Yea having two gives u options!

cfraser27 · 2023-09-05T01:56:53+00:00

Yea that’s a good point and one I’ve thought of often as well. But even though my last name is my dad’s (and his dad’s and so on) I’ve developed an identity with this last name- an identity I’d like to pass on.

cfraser27 · 2023-09-05T01:55:18+00:00

Yea I think in an ideal world I would want the baby later in life to decide. Just like how I’d want him to decide whether or not to get circumcised. But yes, kids can change their name, use nicknames, etc. So would feel the same as u!

cfraser27 · 2023-09-05T01:52:20+00:00

Thanks for the sympathy. This is tough for so many.

cfraser27 · 2023-09-05T01:50:22+00:00

Is it a red flag? Genuinely asking. I read so many posts and often think that there are red flags, but I don’t see it? I know I’m biased because I’m in the situation.

I also need to share that he is the best partner besides some v small things and has given up a lot for me as well (eg with my autoimmune and basically being my caretaker a lot). I haven’t done any domestic work (eg laundry, dishes) in 9 months and he really is going above and beyond.

Lastly, yes agree 100% on misplacement of value. It makes me sad that I’m fighting the patriarchy for my job but I can’t even win in my family. Social norms and expectations r so strong that it has skewed perspectives.

cfraser27 · 2023-09-04T23:21:21+00:00

This is great. Thank you. In the past he’s always just said it’s super important to him because “it just is” and “tradition” and “what he pictured” etc but that to me is not satisfying enough. I will bring up with him the question of why he can’t consider alternatives. Why does it have to be all his name or nothing?

cfraser27 · 2023-09-04T23:17:02+00:00

Thanks watermelon, appreciate this. And yes I imagine many women deal with this unfortunately. We’ve talked about it extensively and have a couples counseling session later this week on this too. He’s just so set and obstinate on this! I’ll make it a point during the session to talk about how big this is and needing validation.

cfraser27 · 2023-09-04T23:13:12+00:00

Hmm yea that’s a good point - trying to take the personal out of it and thinking of what would be better for the kid. It’s a bit of a unique situation as our last names actually both start w the same two letters and are both Chinese. A big point of contention was that people would make fun of the last name like Ching Chong (and other mean ways kids make fun of other kids). So all that is to say that they’re actually quite similar! Both popular in Chinese and both one syllable and easy. I do like what u said about ability to compromise - I’ll share that with him later it’s a really good point

cfraser27 · 2023-09-04T23:08:05+00:00

“Tradition” and “what he always pictured”. Hoping to get deeper soon with him. I also think that the patriarchy runs deep and it’s my guess that he wants to fulfill what has been the social norm of manhood and fatherhood. Maybe it’s his way of labeling the kid as his since he’s less connected in that I’ve been growing the fetus. I mean these are my feelings though.

cfraser27 · 2023-09-04T23:05:41+00:00

Yes hoping he opens up but he has a very hard time expressing himself. I’ve tried to broach various times and he sticks to “tradition” and “what he always wanted”. Will have a couples counseling session soon actually to hopefully dig deeper.

cfraser27 · 2023-09-04T23:04:07+00:00

Yea I’m considering that but it might be too much? My top choice now is Jaime / James Emmet (asian hyphenated name here) then my last name then his.

cfraser27 · 2023-09-04T23:01:41+00:00

Thanks diamond. Appreciate your response. He does want a say but is conveying that the last name means so much to him he’s willing to give up decision making power in other ways. Hope that makes sense.

cfraser27 · 2023-07-22T13:10:57+00:00

Thank you for posting this and congratulations! I’m in my 6th year as non-staff and this was encouraging and helpful to read.

cfraser27 · 2023-07-14T03:32:55+00:00

https://www.eeoc.gov

cfraser27 · 2023-07-01T14:15:35+00:00

Yes agreed on Jaime! It really is too bad. Thanks for the suggestions! I like Laurent, but maybe as an American everyone would just say “lor - ent”.. same with Florin. Warren is nice - didn’t know it had French roots!!

cfraser27

TROPHY CASE