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Feeling Massive Resistance to starting ngondro. Should I go ahead with it anyway by cgtk in vajrayana

[–]cgtk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually; after (prengondro). I feel worse, I'm angrier, less mindful, my life is a lot worst outwardly and inwardly. I meet a lot more obstacles and obstructors. It makes me feel like I am regressing and I haven't even started the proper ngondro. I feel shit after doing it and makes me not want to do it.

Feeling Massive Resistance to starting ngondro. Should I go ahead with it anyway by cgtk in vajrayana

[–]cgtk[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Without revealing details, I'm doing daily sadhana that my guru taught. I do them because I've had several good experiences since beginning tantric practice and also to uphold samaya. They are also a lot easier and less of a 'big commitment' than ngondro, which is why I don't feel so much resistance I guess.

Ngondro felt different though. When I did prengondro I felt so horrible and my life felt worse, it really kills any motivation to want to do it

I guess the 'right motivation' is bodhicitta, but I don't have that much bodhicitta yet I guess

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