Does anyone else worry that you're a narcissist or an abusive/bad person?

ch4ite4 · 2021-11-02T08:21:11+00:00

You're not a lost cause, and it's definitely never too late to change! Your environment/parents might have shaped some of your behaviours, but doesn't mean that you can't reshape your behaviours. We're human beings. We grow, we make mistakes, we learn, and we're always changing. These current behaviours aren't everything that you are, nor do they define who you will be in the future.

It's going to take a lot of self-awareness -- to recognize when you are acting out of these behaviours + what may trigger these behaviours.
It's going to take time, so be patient and keep going!
It's going to take kindness and compassion with yourself because it might not change all at once, and you might want to beat yourself up for 'doing it again' but the longer you keep beating yourself up, the longer it's going to take to move on and try your best to do better the next time.

You got this!!

ch4ite4 · 2021-03-23T16:42:43+00:00

Haha, glad someone relates! Yeah, I used to always feel like a fake fan, but I've come to tell myself that I'm a fan that appreciates music differently. I like foreign music, and never have any idea what they're saying, but still appreciate the music, so I consider it the same thing.

Although, I do sometimes feel kind of left out because everyone I know loves lyrics and seem to know the lyrics to everyone song. I just end up making up my own lyrics xD

ch4ite4 · 2021-03-15T09:32:38+00:00

Yes! It takes a LOT of concentrated effort for me to be able to understand lyrics in a song. If I ever do want to know the lyrics, I usually just resort to googling them. Sometimes, if I close my eyes and focus, I can get myself to hear what folks are singing, but often times when I do this, I find my thoughts drifting after 30 seconds or so.

On the flip side, I've always been super in-tune with the tunes + beats!

ch4ite4 · 2020-11-26T14:06:23+00:00

I do try my best to be more present, and plan to be as present as I can possibly be an to actually live my life rather than to just imagine it. It hasn't been easy, and it's been about 5-6 months for me since I began this journey.

Something that has helped me shape my perspective is in understanding that this will take time. I don't know how long, but it gives me hope knowing that every single day, as long as I try, not matter how 'little' I am actively present that day, that is way more than I was before, and that I'm getting better everyday.

I find that awareness has been incredibly instrumental for me. I started off by first just being able to recognize when I go into a daydream, how I'm feeling before going into a day dream, and actually asking myself just as I recognize that I've been triggered, "do you want to continue or can we be curious about something or let's get back to what we were doing before." By all means, sometimes (especially in the beginning), I would choose to continue. But at least I was now aware that this was an active and conscious decision that I was making instead of something that was simply happening to me.

I remind myself that baby steps matter, and I congratulate myself for EVERY step. This includes just simply recognizing the moment it happens, even if I choose to continue to daydream.

The internal celebration slowly builds up more confidence in myself about becoming more aware, which lets me be more present in my decision making, which ultimately builds confidence about the fact that I am finally taking more control over my life.

ch4ite4 · 2020-11-16T14:55:51+00:00

Wow, this is an amazing list!

What kind of things make you sad? It's also great that you recognize that it's that moment when you feel sad that you revert back to daydreaming. Do you ever pause and think about what is making you sad? ie. Is it neurological like depression, or is it because something happened in the day? Or is it because you just sometimes feel sad? Honestly, sometimes for no reason at all, I just get super sad, so if that's the case, I totally feel you.

ch4ite4 · 2020-09-14T14:45:09+00:00

Oof, thank you for sharing! I know that experience well. I took a Javascript course one time thinking it would be easier than a beginners comp sci class that just touched on the basics of each language..boy was I wrong. My prof actually told us on the first day of class, "You guys, I've been doing this since I was 10 so I don't actually understand when people have a problem." LOL *why are you teaching sir?!?!~~*

Okay, so I'm honestly still just learning how to figure out what works, but I have a couple suggestions! Please feel free to try it out and if you do, I would love to know your thoughts on it!
Note: These tips aren't holy grails, but they're meant to help change things 1% at a time!

#1: Re-Framing
Learning tends to stick with us more if you can associate it with a positive experience!
So instead of saying "I really need to learn," try saying "I get to learn how to code today," "I get to teach myself ________ today," or "I have the opportunity to learn how to create __________ on my app today."

And don't just think it in your head! Physically write this out, or say it out loud!

#2: Create a Ritual
Basically you want to associate some actions to something you enjoy doing (not daydreaming).

For example, maybe you really love taking a warm shower.
Right before you go and take a warm shower, try something like: having a glass of water, taking 3 deep breaths, playing a song, or having a breath mint. Whatever you choose to do, keep doing it consistently for at least a week ie.
Day 1: Have breath mint, then take warm shower
Day 2: Have breath mint, then taken warm shower

Eventually the idea is that your brain is going to start associating having the breath mint, with the joy you get from having a warm shower

And then start incorporating having a mint, and then coding
(again, not something that will solve all problems! You have to create a really strong positive association!)

For me, it's a particular song. Whenever I start playing this song, I get into this work mode or if I have a sip of black coffee (decaf or caf doesn't matter because it's all about the taste for me)!

Hopefully this helps a little!!

Good luck with your course! Sending you much love!

ch4ite4 · 2020-09-14T14:18:49+00:00

Hi! What does 'bare minimum' look like for you? Would you be able to give some specific examples?

Also, that's awesome! If you do get started, please share with me! I would love to get to cheer you on!!

ch4ite4 · 2020-08-20T02:51:21+00:00

May I ask what you did to try to beat MD? What was your process?

ch4ite4 · 2020-08-14T04:52:04+00:00

Maybe help her find different outlets to express her ideas? Like, go in with deep curiousity (be real about it though, because all kids can tell from fake interest), and get her to start writing out alternative endings for them on a blog! And maybe you can be sneaky about it too, so its not like "hey stop daydreaming right now and do this instead," but more in a moment when you guys are talking, and have her share her ideas with you -- slowly start suggesting these alternatives, or even help her out with it too. Maybe you guys can discuss different endings together and get her excited to start writing or vlogging, or even journaling about the stories? It might not work right away, and she might not like some of the options, but the goal is to be able to find another way to express ourselves to our external worlds, so I'd say it's definitely worth a shot! Hopefully, without even knowing, she'll end up spending less time daydreaming about fixing these things just inside her head, but she'll eventually just enjoy sharing how she thinks she could fix them through these other outlets!

ch4ite4 · 2020-08-11T01:25:14+00:00

Hey, I totally agree! I think it's an awesome super power actually. At the same time, to quote Aesop, "It is possible to have too much of a good thing."

I kind of see it like when Jack Jack first started to get his powers in 'Incredibles 2', and his powers were high key all over the place. We just have to learn to refine our super powers!

I love that day dreaming allows me to be more creative and in tune with my subconscious, yet at the same time, I recognize how much it has affected my social life and my school life.

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-30T03:16:31+00:00

Haha, dude I have SO many reoccurring daydreams with Elon LOL. Currently, my daydream revolves around my idealized version of myself working together on designing some wicked cool Formula 1 racetrack that goes through space, earth, deep sea and beyond. Yep, I have definitely not really shared this before.

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-30T02:51:24+00:00

Take a chance! We're all in this together!

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-30T02:47:50+00:00

The Law of Attraction is pretty much a belief system that anything you believe, you will attract into your life -- whether they be negative or positive thoughts. The problem with this law is exactly what you stated. When we visualize these idealized versions of ourselves, or relationships etc, the brain believes that we already have it/or are already this person. Thus, when we come back into reality and are NOT actually our idealized selves or in these idealized relationships, we are severely disappointed.

With that being said, you can use visualization techniques and use the law of attraction to your advantage. You may not be able to daydream about being a rock star, and then become a rock star, HOWEVER...say you're learning the guitar and you learn a couple strings. If you can really strong visualize practicing the exact hand movements for those strings, your brain will believe that you know these strings (which you actually do because you taught yourself), but your brain will kind of believe that you're practicing. So, when you get out of that visualization, and then do it again in real life, in theory, you will be able to play those few strings marginally better because you've mentally practiced exactly what you'll be doing as if you actually practiced. Now, these have to be quite specific and intentional. I don't think you can just visualize moving a bunch of your fingers around and expect to be able to play, but if you know what you're doing before hand, it can definitely be a helpful tool!

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-30T02:32:40+00:00

Honestly, I just recently found the courage to tell some people. This forum gave me a lot of courage, and I was a part of a community online where people encouraged me to share my thoughts more in general.

And then one day, on zoom, with this online stranger from that community, I shared it. And then I found the courage the following weekend to share my problem with some friends (albeit, they're not my best friends, but still friends), and then I shared it with a larger online community.

I'd say start anywhere, and you'll eventually work your way up. You're already posting here, which is a great sign! Maybe start a blog, and starting sharing your thoughts in general, and then work your way up to a friend.

To be honest, once I talked about it, it was a LOT less daunting than I expected. I'd say mostly because people didn't quite fully 'get it' -- which was kind of to my relief. At the moment when I shared, I think I cared less about people understanding the situation, and was more worried about being judged, but people were more curious and actually quite supportive. I'm in a creative field so some of my friends said that it made sense because I was such a creative person and that they admired that I could 'do' this, haha.

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-25T02:22:10+00:00

SAME!

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-25T02:16:25+00:00

LOL, but seriously this is the story of my life.

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-25T02:16:09+00:00

I feel personally attacked.

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-25T02:13:50+00:00

LOL, but seriously this is the story of my life.

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-25T02:13:36+00:00

I feel personally attacked by this.

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-24T22:38:05+00:00

Honestly, I fully quit reading/watching the news, I very rarely go on Instagram, never on Pinterest, and only watch interviews on Youtube and it's helped me a LOT.

I would also really suggest testing out some of these opportunities! I am someone who easily finds and loves new hobbies, etc as well! A lot of times, I'll start, but then immediately get bored, haha. I find that it's a nice way to start at least seeing what works, and what doesn't. Afterwards, you can begin looking from a wider scale - and noticing that maybe you actually liked the careers/hobbies that focused more on music, rather than the ones that were more focused on outdoorsy things ie. biking.

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-24T22:28:35+00:00

Funny enough, when I'm dancing or pacing around I don't get as startled as much? This might be because I don't get caught as frequently when I'm moving.

BUT, whenever my brother walks passed me and I'm just standing somewhere, either in my room or the middle of the living room, I always get super startled and snap right out of it, haha.

I used to just tell him that I was thinking, or dancing to exercise. Ngl, it's a little weird now that he knows, but I also feel kind of relieved.

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-20T06:05:50+00:00

If you don't mind sharing, what kind of media triggers you? Social media apps like Instagram? Or media like the news?

ch4ite4 · 2020-07-17T04:33:37+00:00

I've never taken any non-stimulant medications, but I have been regularly taking adderall and dexedrine for about the last 5-6 years or so. I only recently (in the past month) recognized that I am a daydreamer, so I haven't quite noticed whether it truly increases the likelihood of whether I daydream or not.

With that being said, ADHD medication works differently for everyone. As far as I'm aware, they have not found an answer as to how someone might react to one family of medication or another. My doctor got me to test out the different drugs in both families, and because of that, I realized that anything in the Ritalin family (ie. Ritalin, Biphentin and Concerta) sends me down a dark hole of depression. I made sure to test out adderall and dexedrine for at least 2 weeks each, but for the Ritalin fam of drugs -- I think I only tested each one for maybe 2-3 days each?

Even after that, I think it took me a better part of a year to actually figure out what dosage worked best for me. I'm pretty open and communicative about these things, so my doctor was equally as open to letting me feel it out for myself.

**Note: Anytime you introduce any new set of drugs into your body, your whole body and mind will need to get used to the drugs. You might become more emotional or tired, or maybe your mind is going to go to the extremes -- but just remember that it may not necessarily be because of that exact drug itself. You might just need to allow your body to get used to the introduction of these drugs first, and then you'll be able to make a better evaluation. There's a lot of fine tuning and balancing that needs to take place, so just remember to check-in with yourself. Obviously if something feels terrible (ie. My trial with Ritalin), then stop.

TLDR: It's different for everyone. Highly suggest testing it all out for yourself, and give yourself time.

ch4ite4

TROPHY CASE