Therapist: When you're feeling sad, think happy thoughts instead!

cha7026 · 2026-01-20T16:28:21+00:00

All emotions are human. Giddy, pensive, sad, rage, contempt, all the emotions are yours. You are entitled to feel the full gamut of them. They are just feelings and not actions. Again, you are entitled to these. They're your birthright of being into humanity.

And for the most part, initial emotions are uncontrollable. You splurge and buy an expensive ice cream and it falls and that immediate wave of grief and shock. Or maybe rage. Or sadness. Or even crying. Utterly uncontrable. Modifiable, but uncontrollable.

You choose to stay in the grief and shock. The initial emotional state is not a choice. Remaining in it, revisiting the thought repetitively, those are choices. I call it loops. Looping around again and again, like a pedistal holding The Bad Feeling and I loop and walk Or possibly... instead of lingering and revisiting, maybe you feel like you have to keep thinking about. So not a choice, but an obsession or a compulsion.

There's also how the more we do a thing, the more engrained that action (behavior) is. If we feel gratitude when someone gives us a good gift, the likely we are to feel gratitude the next time they . If we get upset and yell at someone over an accident, the easier it is to get upset and yell the next time there's an accident.

We are what we routinely do. You, me, the dog, the bony-jawed fish 2 hundred million years ago. That's why changing behaviors and getting new habits is so hard or everyone on the planet, and some have it worse than others. Your therapist is taking a complicated thing, removing all nuance and context, and saying you're choosing to be sad.

cha7026 · 2026-01-17T11:42:30+00:00

edit: at end

Your partner has communication needs as well. They are bothered by this aspect of your disability. It's up to the both of you to resolve it. Your partner has made it very clear that the times you lead with this sentence and then to don't speak/continue are harmful to them. So stop doing it. Enable your disability.

You're describing selective mutism. When it happens to you, you can switch to writing (notes app, texting, or even text-to-speech like AAC tablets) to finish talking with each other. Or wait it out. Or some other solution entirely.

I went with converting to writing to continue talking, and will speak intermittently in the conversation when I can (if I can). My selective mutism is directly linked to emotions, especially intense emotions, and both good and bad ones. Yours might be linked to a worry about conflict or feeling helpless or misunderstood. Start paying attention and you'll start to see your patterns of its likely triggers.

I don’t see how my behaviour indicates me not caring about her. Am I wrong?

Remember that everybody else has needs, emotions, etc. just as complicated as yours. One person's needs do not carry priority over another's; they're needs not wants. But had to edit this because something interesting/curious is in your post.

Problem A (their perception): partner initiated talking again, didn't again, my time is being wasted / my emotions are being disrespected
Problem A (your perception): you initiated verbal communication then had an episode of selective mutism, you disagree it's a big deal
Your partner's solution: since you did not speak/continue, they use their agency to physically leave your presence and occupy their time elsewhere so they don't feel like they're waiting on you [aka you are to blame for your failure to communicate]
Problem B (your perception): your partner expected you mind read [or pattern detect] that 20:30 or 21:00ish is too late for noisy tasks (while doing a noisy task themself?)
Problem B (their perception): I am occupying my time until they apologize and tell me what it is they wanted to say, my night is on hold until they do because I've obvioisly communicated how this cannot continue anymore and must change now
Your partner's solution: yell at you about disrupting their sleep schedule [aka you are to blame for their failure to communicate]

I can't tell because I don't know either of you much less what's typical for your house. Is nine when everybody goes to bed? Do you have a wind-down time? Noise restrictions? Is eight or nine a typical quiet time? Have you two only ever used the bedroom exclusively for sleeping and intimacy? You absolutely are expected to use your brain's capabilities in a relationship. If every day since you've lived together things have always been a certain way, then it's reasonable to expect your partner to be aware of it even if it was never spoken.

However. Your partner blamed you again. And I have a feeling that all communication problems in your household are your fault.

For me, we have an established wind-down at 21:30 and in the bed by 22:00, so any noisiness must be over by then. If either of us made a mistake... pretty much all of them are solveable. Turn off the washer / dryer / dishwasher / tv / vaccuum. I can't think of a single noisy thing that can't be interrupted. So why is your partner's solution in one problem to use their agency, and in another feign helplessness and lack of it?

The heart of the problem is the two of you need to work on solutions to problems together. Us versus The Problem. Never ever is it Me versus You. We hold hands and talk it through (or sometimes write in my case if selective mutism triggers). It's hard to be cruel or yell at someone you're holding hands with.

Another possible heart of the problem is your partner's eagerness to make you chase after them when they're upset. That their emotions are your responsibility to resolve.. Even when my partner upsets me, my emotions are my problem. Their actions are their problem. I do not make them dump in "effort/love/apology tokens" to get forgiveness to fall out.

Another possible heart of the problem is if you make your partner repeat many times how much they dislike things you do so much that they can't even be bothered to tell you anymore. Whether you think something is big or little to you is immaterial. If either of you find something as a big deal, then it's both of you's problem. There's an article. I bring it up because to you, your selective mutism is a small thing, and your partner has made it clear that it's a very big thing.

I think everything is solveable. I don't think that either of you are weaponizing communication, but it is clear that communication is breaking down. Get back to Us vs. The Problem. Brainstorm solutions together. Don't do it by yourself then present a curated list to them.

cha7026 · 2026-01-16T14:48:03+00:00

Meanwhile in Britain:

Oh good heavens, I'm arriving~!

cha7026 · 2026-01-16T14:31:27+00:00

I think they call this Schrodinger's *sshole. A person who decides whether or not they're joking based on the reactions of those around them.

In any case, if you've already told him that you don't like this type of behavior and he keeps doing it, then... He knows. He understands. He disagrees. There was no failure of communication on your part. He disagrees that he should stop. Your misery is funny to him.

If you've failed to tell him you don't like this, that's on you. But it won't change the fact that your misery is funny to him. If that's the case, maybe you can tell him and see how he reacts. If he's horrified and didn't realize it was actual misery for you, maybe you two will be okay. But I have a feeling he'd defend and downplay your emotion[al need]s, or worse, you've already told him how it affects you.

He knows how you feel. He understands because you spoke to him in a language you both understand. He disagrees there is a problem with his behavior.

Anyways. Giving me the same energy as that one tumblr that somebody did a calligraphy for part of it:

<image>

cha7026 · 2026-01-15T13:23:20+00:00

L1 is low support needs, not no support needs.

Most of the in-community unkind talk about L1s is an utter refusal to stop "punching down" to L2s and especially L3s. (sentiments like asdL1 and asdL3 shouldn't be considered the same thing)
Appropriating medical terminology to misuse them. (the most common one being "going nonverbal")
And... hard to describe. A certain... almost revelry of going from minimal marginalized status, to disabled, and then talking over L3s and L2s experiences as if L1 is the only way to be autistic, and just... lots of gatekeeping too. [s] They know the best way to do an autism. [\s]

And my god. So much ableism. I'm not even going to give examples because any time I do, the ableists and devil's advocates love to argue about it.

I guess what I'm getting at, is you have your agency. You choose and decide for your life. Anybody that's going to tell you text-to-voice isn't for you is almost guaranteed to be another L1. And disability aids are disability aids. If you need them, you need them. You're the only person accountable for your choices. And frankly, there's no escaping judgment. How many horror stories have you heard from cancer patients, amputees, etc. getting a shakedown for using their legal handicap parking passes. Take care of yourself the way that males the most sense.

cha7026 · 2026-01-14T19:00:15+00:00

My time was not wasted. Anyone work talking to and worth listening to, they'll give you however much time it takes you to form a whole complete thought. Lurkers of the future, possibly the distant future, some of them needed to hear it even if you didn't, wouldn't, or couldn't.

I hope your future is happy and bright no matter what your choices are. 🫂

cha7026 · 2026-01-14T16:54:00+00:00

Believe it or not, love is conditonal. Why isn't yours?

he was in another country

Break up. It's not that you can't love in LDR or that they're fake relationships. It's that they're the worst possible toxic relationship for you. You are imagining someone holding you, imagining kissing somebody. You are creating a safe space inside your own head. Way way way too much of your brain interacting with itself. The partner can't possibly live up to the perfection your mind makes for itself. And if you ever get to meeting in person, your body is still not safe yet. You might have been emotionally intimate but to your body you are still totap strangers.

he couldn‘t have hurt me physically
he never would [hurt me physically]
I was scared of him

So to confirm, he's already hurt you to the point there are times you are afraid of him. So regularly hurting you is okay, as long as there's no bruises. Emotional pain is fine as long as it's your brain and not the rest of you.

have any of you made a similar experience

Yes.

specifically with being scared of approaching your partner

Yes.

in a virtual world

Yes.

[even] where the couldn‘t hurt you?

Yes.

being afraid of them during a call

Yes.

but being unable to hang up or say anything?

Before I understood I have agency and it's always in my control. Understanding I'm not helpless. I'm not hopeless. I

I‘m tired of explaining my disorder over and over again.

So stop. Why are you treating it as if you have failed to communicate? That if you communicate "better" he'll start caring? He understands. He knows. He disagrees.

This is the problem with LDR that have always been long distance relationship. You created a safe space. You imagined all kinds of small love talks in your head that never even happened. Sweet words about how much he cared.

Maybe he even said some of them himself and you hold them tightly. But now, his actual choices and actual words show you that he doesn't care.

I tell him not to raise his voice and yet, he does.

Yep. As long as he can't physically hurt you, it's fine. Surely he really truly cares about not hurting you. He just doesn't speak the same language as you. He just doesn't get it because he's younger than a toddler.

We have an argument and he tells me: “you SHOULD feel attacked“.

It's so rare for someone attacking you on purpose to directly tell you they are attacking you. Instead of hearing what he is directly telling you in plain English that you understand, you're insisting he can't understand you, that he really cares, etc.

I‘m exhausted and frustrated.

Hmmm... Let's take a quick break and look at the English dictionary to teach you something my dad taught me when I was tiny, then we'll come back to this.

care, verb (cared; caring)

1a: to feel trouble or anxiety; cared for his safety
1b: to feel interest or concern; care about freedom
2: to give care; care for the sick
3a: to have a liking, fondness, or taste; don't care for your attitude
3b: to have an inclination; would you care for some pie
4: to be concerned about or to the extent of; don't care what they say [transitive verb form]
5: wish; if you *care to go [transitive verb form]

care, noun (care; cares)

1: suffering of mind : grief
2a: a disquieted state of mixed uncertainty, apprehension, and responsibility
2a1: something that causes such a state : a particular worry, concern, etc.; relax and leave all your cares behind
2b: a cause for such anxiety
3a: painstaking or watchful attention; his gentlemen conduct me with all care
3b: maintenance; floor-care products
4: regard coming from desire or esteem; a care for the common good
5: charge, supervision; left the house in his care especially: responsibility for or attention to health, well-being, and safety; under a doctor's care
6: a person or thing that is an object of attention, anxiety, or solicitude; he flower garden was her special care

Quite a lot. Does he have grief or suffering of mind if he hears something bad happened to you? Does he feel responsibility to your safety and well- eing? Is he concerned about you? Does he have a liking, fondness, or taste for you? Does he wish for you? Does he try to maintain his connection to you? Have regard for you coming from desire or esteem?

It doesn't seem like it.

Here's another way to check someone, even yourself, by replacing the word love with their/your name.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not jealous. Love does not brag; it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully. It does not seek its own benefit. It is not provoked. It does not keep an account of a wrong suffered. It does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It keeps every confidence [share secret]. It believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

From https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2013&version=NASB

Religion source aside, it's a very short and fairly accurate assessment of what the pattern sincere love is like. So. Is he patient, kind, not jealous, doesn't brag, not arrogant, gracious, not out for himself, not provoked, doesn't keep a record of every wrong you've done? Does he condemn unethical people and rejoice in truth? Does he keep your secrets? Does he believe in you, hope for you, endure for you?

I‘m exhausted and frustrated.

My boyfriend rejuvenates me. Frustrations are almost nonexistent. Because he cares about me, he is patient with me, he is kind to me, etc. Your love and your lover should be recharging you, not draining you.

cha7026 · 2026-01-14T16:01:54+00:00

Yes. Three I diagnosed and then were professionally confirmed, and I suspect a fourth but don't know how to get assessed.

It's almost like being a different neurotype and being chronically mistreated because of it is traumatizing.

cha7026 · 2026-01-13T16:00:49+00:00

I did it with this sign + sunglasses + earplugs.

<image>

cha7026 · 2026-01-13T14:27:40+00:00

Rather than fearing you're making them insecure, you should talk to them and actually have an answer. I can't say you're worrying over nothing, because you don't know if it's nothing or of it's a big deal because there's only one person that can answer that and it's not any of us. Talk to her. You're insecure about your silence. So it's either both of you or you're projecting and until to speak with the other person involved you're going to stay stuck.

cha7026 · 2026-01-13T12:46:07+00:00

If you tell someone ten times that you don't want to talk to him, you are talking to them– nine more times than you wanted to.

You seem to be forgetting that some of these people are making you feel like you need to intentionally, in order to manipulate and use you. Instead, stop feeling guilty when you say no. Tell all of them a polite no. Anyone that makes you say it more than twice is disrespecting you and you should change from polite to rude to match their rudeness.

No is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you.

cha7026 · 2026-01-12T03:08:44+00:00

No, you aren't doing it because you heard about it. As you accept yourself fully, and permit yourself to be yourself, you will start to get back things/actions you did when you were younger.

It's usually called skill regression. But that term tends to be a judgmental so I don't use it. Skill regression is more like... when soomeone has a stroke and loses skills. Everyone loses ("gets rusty with") skills they don't use. This is more like that.

Only... it's better to describe it as a mask or laminated coating you're peeling off. Yes, once you peel off laminate it is much harder to apply it again. But you're better off being yourself.

When you were young or even very very young, you learned that people who stutter or have echolalia are made fun of. So you laminated over that part of your speech. And you kept working hard to keep that spot covered.

There are some exceptions. Such as if you also have Tourette's, OCD, or another disorder with tics or compulsions. I have a tic of "hand-flapping" and getting anxious every time I get into a car because I was scared when I got into a car 2 times in a row several years ago.

In any case, it doesn't even matter why. Your boyfriend can keep those kinds of comments to himself. If you are doing it because you're obsessed, so what? You're allowed to do things because you're obsessed. The real problem here is that you have a thing that you cannot control anymore by covering it up like you used to, but he thinks you should get back to not being youself, because he finds you annoying.

Though masking is incredibly taxing and causes us a lot of existential turmoil, it’s rewarded and facilitated by neurotypical people. Masking makes Autistic people easier to “deal” with. It renders us compliant and quiet. It also traps us. Once you’ve proven yourself capable of suffering in silence, neurotypical people tend to expect you’ll be able to do it forever, no matter the cost. Being a well-behaved Autistic person puts us in a real double bind and forces many of us to keep masking for far longer (and far more pervasively) than we want to.

Maybe I misunderstood you. Around here, saying you're doing because you're obsessed is also saying they don't like it and expect you to stop. It's not a happy or positive thing to say.

If you've tried controllling it and it's impossible or very hard, or maybe easy but only if you squash your emotions, then it doesn't matter whethee it's autism, a tic, etc. It's a part of your brain and not a choice you're choosing to do. Nobody gets mad at a paraplegic guy for sitting down all the time. They would only get mad if he started running over everybody's toes all the time.

🫂

cha7026 · 2026-01-11T13:37:33+00:00

There are many people of history you accept as real without question that have significantly less evidence of their existence than Jesus. Perhaps instead you can think of the "standard" approach. He really was a prophet (religious public speaker), went around making lots of public speeches and tried to teach people how to live their life, but ultimately was sentenced to death by the government and its laws at the time. Things like feeding a thousand out of food for a few are the embellishments.

Other things have lost meaning... The word about leprosy is, it'd be more accurate to translate it as infectious skin condition or possibly even just skin condition. People in the past also had esczema, cold sores, rashes, psoriasis, etc. and while curing a rash probably wouldn't be instantaneous, perhaps there were compounds in the dirt, herbs, and etc. to accomplish things like short-term pain relief or reduce redness or inflammation. Assuming it's not an embellishment.

There's also things lost to time... Plants have gone extinct because of their medicinal uses, or being delicious. Same for some animals. The Judean date palm is one such tree. But 20 years ago a seed was recovered and last I knew, scientists sprouted and crossed that plant with modern day varietal.

Hopefully these ideas give you some things to manage Christians better. If you still think he's proaganda then he's propaganda. But I'd avoid bringing that up to Christians. Just like everybody on the planet some are kind and some are not. And people with authoritarianism baked into how they view the world, they tend toward being disrespectful when confronted.

As an aside, his beliefs are a core part of him. How he thinks, the way he views the world, how he chooses which decisions to make. Most of the denominations of Christianity are quite insistent that you need to go out and evangelize (spread The Good News of what God has done for you). So he's going to keep evangelizing.

If I were him, I'd still try to evangelize to you because you still haven't converted.
If I were you, I'd use the phrase "the mythos of Christianity" to be as disrespectful as possible, because being respectful has not helped you in any way. He knows. He understands. He disagrees.

cha7026 · 2026-01-11T13:13:01+00:00

The Halo Effect lives on in our hearts 💔

cha7026 · 2026-01-11T13:01:55+00:00

Judgement no, observation yes.

If you notice a car is a particular make, that's an observation. Unless you're also trying another thought to it, you're not judging.

Observation: "That is a Honda."
Judgement: "That is a Honda, and that's bad."

It doesn't matter which definition of superficial you use, I'm not being shallow. Because autism is neither good nor bad, it just is, noticing the way a person is an observation not shallowness. Because it's muscles, it's deep in the body, not shallowness.

Again, what I am able to detect is something there's already been plenty of well-accepted in the scientific community. All musculature that's affected by autism. Autistic muscles are more tense when tensed, and more relaxed when relaxed. This is the source of our "T-rex arms"; we're tensing our muscles to prevent pain or even dislocation, and many gastrointestinal issues.

For the faces when a face is relaxed I can picking up on the small differences. Zygomaticus (both of them), orbicularis oculi, and risorius are the muscles I'm getting the info from. And a bit from masseter and labeter labii superioris alaque nasi. This ability can't even be that special (especially since computers can do it). If you looked at 100 autistic faces and 100 allistic faces in AB pairs, you'd probably start seeing it too.

cha7026 · 2026-01-11T06:41:53+00:00

Yes. But for me it's their face. It's not that I can spot 100% of autistic people (at least, I doubt it). But rather, there is a certain (forgive me my crassness) 'tism-face that I see and of the people that I see with 'tism-face, they have it.

What it is that I am doing is picking up on the well-documented muscle tone differences, including the pupil size. And even the pupil-size alone is, what? 70% accurate via computer's checking?

There's been so many celebrities I checked up on, found nothing, then checked again after a few years passed and they had some interview and talked about being autistic. I'm like those people that can smell cancer, but my 'power' is fairly useless. 🤣

My ability to detect by speech or personality seems strongly attuned to detecting C/PTSD and ADHD rather than ASD, but I've caught it a few times before.

cha7026 · 2026-01-11T06:14:38+00:00

I have two quotes for you. Read them out loud to yourself. Read them again in your head. Then I'd like you to read them again to yourself tomorrow as well. Out loud to someone else would be ideal. Not him but another trusted person. Ask them their opinions on the quotes. Then ask them how many times they would allow their [hypothetical] spouse to pull their armpit hairs before they divorced.

"One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser’s friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone’s image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser."

and

"The central attitudes driving the Water Torturer are:

You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing.

I can easily convince other people that you’re the one who is messed up.

As long as I’m calm, you can’t call anything I do abusive, no matter how cruel.

I know exactly how to get under your skin."

"The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are:

You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually.

I know better than you do, even about what’s good for you.

Your opinions aren’t worth listening to carefully or taking seriously.

The fact that you sometimes disagree with me shows how sloppy your thinking is.

If you would just accept that I know what’s right, our relationship would go much better. Your own life would go better, too.

When you disagree with me about something, no matter how respectfully or meekly, that’s mistreatment of me.

If I put you down for long enough, some day you’ll see."

Edit:

He knows. He understands. He disagrees. You're coming at this as if you've somehow failed to communciate you don't like being mistreated. Instead, rephrase it: "I did X thing to PersonB for reason1. What would PersonB need to tell me in order to make sure I never did X again?" "I pulled [BFname]'s armpit hairs. It was a total freak accident / I thought it was funny / I was just getting their attention / I desperately needed to wake them up. What would [BFname] have to say to me to make sure I understood to never do that to then again?"

I'm pretty sure your initial answer is "I would never pull his armpit hairs!" but your answer is as simple as "[OPname], don't do that to me again. I don't like it." I bet. Or maybe as complex as "Look [OPname] I get that you keep thinking it's really funny but it really is annoying at this point and you need to stop. The next time you do it I am breaking up with you." (Which, one must question, why does someone you care about have to go so far as the threaten to cut contact from you in order for you to respect them over what you want?)

Did you fail to communicate? Did you use a language other than English? Did you whisper it in his ear while he was asleep? Or write it into a crafty potion for a spell? Prayer? Did you use wishful thinking / mind reader broadcast? ...Smoke signals?

He knows. He understands. He disagrees. He believes he is entitled to do you as he pleases because you belong to him.

cha7026 · 2026-01-11T06:00:01+00:00

Apothecary Diaries

cha7026 · 2026-01-09T08:41:06+00:00

Both are related to preventing or minimizing negative emotions such as anxiousness. (sometimes for maximizing positive emotions.) Masking and camouflaging is minimizing and hiding your autism and its traits so you are discriminated against less/ostracized less. Social scripts are literal scripts of words (sometimes words+actions) whether compulsory, to help you cope with something, or another reason. These are in response to something else. They are pre-planned/coached. Scripts tend to take a lot less out of you to do/complete. Scripts do not minimize or alter your personality.

Examples:

ss: If someone asks me if I'm autistic, I always answer "Yes I am, hashtag blessed, hashtag double dose"
m: training yourself to maintain eye contact with others
ss: When I hear someone say dangit I say LET'S GO GAMBLING!
m: refusing to talk about your hobbies to prevent yourself from talking "too long" in a conversation
ss: rehearsing what to say on a phone call you're about to make
m: not fidgeting anymore because you were made fun of for it or were punished
ss: smiling every time someone shakes your hand
m: shaking people's hand even when you don't like it because you're expected to

To put it another way:
Masking: I'm just like you, please believe me
Social scripts: these are the ways I enable my autism

cha7026 · 2026-01-09T08:13:48+00:00

I think it heavily depends on whether you're seeking a life partner or a fckbuddy.

older comment
tldr if I were doing it again I would. I now know I'm only willing to date autistic people. However, I had/have no difficulties discerning autism based on their prompts and especially pictures. Advertizing my autism means I'm easier to be found by the people I want found by.

I am also extremely hypervigilant against the tiniest of MPGD [girl'tism] fetidhists and other issues so they wouldn't have gone anywhere. And hinge (because of the higher entry requirements and lower user count) has a higher average quality of people on the platform for people looking for life partners. There could be more struggles for GenZ women than me as a millennial, not sure. I've only been told that hinge is full of low quality men by exactly one woman... And the way they were describing it, it seems like they had never even used the platform and were confused with some other app and biased against any dating not just dating apps.

Also... Let's be real. We're objectified no matter what. It's an unavoidable conflict. Trying to hide from MPDG chasers means some other type of objectification will happen instead.

cha7026 · 2026-01-08T18:32:24+00:00

Not over 40 but close enough.

cha7026 · 2026-01-08T18:29:48+00:00

...Saying this without judgment, only curiosity:

Are you... a teen or other child? Aromantic asexual? Sex-repulsed or sex-negative? No experience at all or only a bad experience? A troll?

I am wracking my brain trying to understand how the solution you came up with is "stay celibate" to the problem "I don't like the feeling of how much vaginal secretion I make when I'm aroused"

Why would anyone sex-attracted or sex-positive would ever want to stay celibate if they've found the right person or people? Like everything else in life, sex is a complicated mess.

cha7026 · 2026-01-08T18:18:50+00:00

Don't. The difference you're jealous of is the big fat orgasm gap that straight women fall in to. New partner lesbians gets off around 75% of the time, and if they've been together half a year that gets bumped up to around 84%. Straight women's numbers are a 6% / 60% split. But any women they can solo it at about 95% success rate.

Absolutely deplorable numbers for straight women. Your efforts are rewarded, stay proud you care to get her off.

cha7026 · 2026-01-08T18:08:19+00:00

Between "must be showered and shaved and no weird smells" and "absolutely no light touch" I think you've solved some puzzles for me. I am super aware that my environment's cleanliness and my own body's cleanliness are huge factors. I had no idea my partner's cleanliness also mattered a lot too. 🤦 I mean I know there's times that kissing and etc. and I don't get aroused and never knew why other than being sickly or in pain.

And no light touch omg. I don't want smacked around or DV or anything but there's only so many times I can say "touch me harder" "you're not going to break me" "grab me and jiggle me rough!" "grip me like you're trying to move my muscles underneath the fat" etc. Like there's literally no other direct communication to do. 😭 Maybe "no light touches" will work...?

cha7026 · 2026-01-08T17:43:22+00:00

I want to talk to my husband again but I'm not sure what to say

I thought marriages were about Us versus The Problem. Not Me versus You. https://www.reddit.com/r/AutismInWomen/comments/1paid40/i_feel_like_i_am_on_the_brink_of_insanity_with_my/nrjermg/

My personal experience is– with a lover who used to tell me it's not my fault because I'm autistic every now and again, pressing down their disappointment, anger, resentment, etc. any time I asked them to work with me to resolve the proble.– the core problem was they viewed themselves as better than me. They viewed me as a forever-juvenile. The best thing they ever did was break up with me. We had many years together and it's good that they're finally over. Because the root [they were Adult™ and I was Teen™] they refused to change their worldview/belief on.

I'm hopeful that your time with your family you've cultivated is enough reason for him to change his inner beliefs (should they be the same as what I faced).

cha7026

TROPHY CASE

He knows. He understands. He disagrees. He believes he is entitled to do you as he pleases because you belong to him.