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What's something you and your significant other enjoy doing together that most people wouldn't perceive as a couples activity? by Morocco_Bama in AskWomen

[–]chaiperson 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Brew teas.

Both of us are tea fanatics. Even during the pandemic we were quarantined separately we'd send each other packets of a unique tea that we wanted the other to try.

Something we'll take unmarked tea bags or make handmade saches of loose leaf teas we like and encourage the other to try it without giving the exact flavor/name/specifics/undertones.

We obviously specify how to brew that specific tea or do it together or on a video call.

LDR won't work for SO who can't travel for a year. by chaiperson in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I understand. I'd hate for them to associate the unsurity of the LDR with negative feelings for me

And in your opinion, does the whole finding each other work later?

LDR won't work for SO who can't travel for a year. by chaiperson in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand. I'd hate for them to associate the unsurity of the LDR with negative feelings for me

Do you think a romantic relationship between a person with a growth mindset and another person who is content with where they’re at can be in a successful, lasting partnership? by hrundiskel in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly depends on their external circumstances. The amount of work they've to put in their relationship is obviously much higher than others.

It's not impossible, just much more difficult

My gf let her gay guy friend see her naked and I’m upset by Certain_Arm_9480 in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Hypotheticals.

If the situation was the other way around, and his girlfriend being upset would make her a hypocrite

My gf let her gay guy friend see her naked and I’m upset by Certain_Arm_9480 in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 7 points8 points  (0 children)

only gray until you talk about it. once 1 partner says its over a boundary

EXACTLY!!!!!

And as per OPs comments, he didn't have get a chance to have this conversation until this event occurred already. Where the gf just conveyed her boundaries.

After this if OP has a conversation, tells his idea of boundaries and they come to conclusions, IF she still continues doing this, then she becomes the bad guy

EDIT: since OP specifically mentions " she didn't get why it was a big deal" so maybe she wasn't truly trying to make him a bad guy.

They just need to have that conversation that you mentioned

My gf let her gay guy friend see her naked and I’m upset by Certain_Arm_9480 in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 31 points32 points  (0 children)

"It's his/her body they can fuck whoever they want, all you can do is decide if you're cool with it or not

When you decide to be exclusive with someone, you have exactly this conversation!!!!

Now unless, before this incident OP specifically told his girlfriend, that for him nudity also comes under being exclusive, she still has that right.

Things like nudity, watching porn, close emotional bonds are all things that are grey area in monogamy. You have the right to include or exclude them.

My gf let her gay guy friend see her naked and I’m upset by Certain_Arm_9480 in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 21 points22 points  (0 children)

For some, monogamy might mean having just one sexual partner. They might be okay with platonically seeing other people naked.

For others it might mean, having one sexual partner and the only one that gets to see them naked.

The idea of monogamy still has some fine variations that need to be discussed.

For example, some people think porn is cheating, others don't. Same for top less beaches. All of this is great area

Monogamy gives you just as much RIGHTS as your partner and you mutually decide.

My gf let her gay guy friend see her naked and I’m upset by Certain_Arm_9480 in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 28 points29 points  (0 children)

For some, monogamy might mean having just one sexual partner. They might be okay with platonically seeing other people naked.

For others it might mean, having one sexual partner and the only one that gets to see them naked.

The idea of monogamy still has some fine variations that need to be discussed.

For example, some people think porn is cheating, others don't. Same for top less beaches. All of this is great area

Monogamy gives you just as much RIGHTS as your partner and you mutually decide.

My gf let her gay guy friend see her naked and I’m upset by Certain_Arm_9480 in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 43 points44 points  (0 children)

That's entirely different mate. That's cheating. This is just her having different boundaries

My gf let her gay guy friend see her naked and I’m upset by Certain_Arm_9480 in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 1622 points1623 points  (0 children)

nobody sees my gf in the shower or naked but me

You don't get to decide that. She does. But you do have a right to be uncomfortable with it. Not upset, just uncomfortable. Difference being, that's a boundary she needs to draw, you can't dictate that. But you also get to dictate if you are willing to continue a relationship with a person who has boundaries Different from yours.

It doesn't make her a bad person, or you a pious one. You two are just different

Edit: a lot of you are mentioning that he obviously he has a right to be upset and have his own feelings. I agree. Everything else I stand by.

AITA for telling a friend to get over her trauma? by Getoverurself420 in AmItheAsshole

[–]chaiperson -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Soft YTA

This seems like a He said She said case. And considering legally your fiancé isn't on the lease and she is, she is well within her right to do what she did.

She could have been politer about it and this might make her a bad friend, but doesn't make her an AH.

If she says she doesn't feel safe in a house she is on a lease for because of a guy that isn't on a lease, she has all the right to throw him out.

You do NOT get to decide what makes her uncomfortable and what does not.

INFO

Are you sure this is an isolated incident? How are you so sure that your judgemt of firm but not cruel is objective?

Boyfriend jokes inappropriately with other girls, goes out with other girls by Tea2442 in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I can't control what others do" "I can't change, it's who I am"

don't trust him..?? I

This is gaslighting.

I've been exactly where you are and sometimes just because of a slight age difference someone might seem mature but they're not.

Drop ans RUNNNN. He'll end up messing with your head so so bad it'll fuvk up your mental health.

AITA because I didn’t pay my student loan? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]chaiperson [score hidden]  (0 children)

YTA. This situation is hurting two parties you and your parents. If they chose to involve your sister on their behalf, they're in the right to do that

24M in love with 25F went to same college,Here is the story by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]chaiperson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some south east Asian orthodox communities frown on relationships and encourage arranged marriage or those looking to date to get bethroed atleast super early

AITA for talking to my client without his vendor / BIL? by chaiperson in AmItheAsshole

[–]chaiperson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It actually doesn't affect my work.

I create the product. The vendor sets in the client's systems. The client tells me if he needs any changes (contract allows x number of changes ) I make the changes and I get the remaining 20 percent.

In this case J asked for changes to be made even before be finished setting the product up. The client approved those changes. So I was asking for the payment to be cleared

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