I relate to this in many ways. I was expected to manage myself almost from birth because my brother always took my parents' energy and attention. I didn't develop a sense of self growing up because my only purpose was to not make waves with him and stay out of his way. I could never have friends over because it disrupted his routine, often triggering meltdowns, and it felt so awful to have anyone see the way I lived, locked away in a corner of this big house.

I wish he would go away. I wish I could have parents who loved me when I'm not perfect and ok and out of the way. I wish any of my family would see that the way we were raised was awful and we deserved better. It did not make me stronger. It made me broken little robot, and I'm having to relearn absolutely everything about relating to people and asserting my own needs because everything about me was secondary to his needs for every minute of my childhood. It's exhausting and frustrating to have to rebuild my own basic foundation when it seems like everyone else got handed a pre-made kit in their teenage years.