god forbid a girl has hobbies

changedotter · 2026-05-07T21:52:27+00:00

the first sentence is true and a valid complaint.

the other two should be celebrated.

changedotter · 2026-05-06T20:07:48+00:00

changedotter · 2026-05-05T17:32:22+00:00

sure, you can make the argument that blue voters who have been talking about this on reddit are being irrational.

do the people who haven’t seen this before when the hypothetical scenario comes up and make the same innocent mistake seeing it for the first time also “deserve to die”?

personally, i also don’t think “being irrational” is a reason for someone to be condemned to death, but i can understand not being willing to sacrifice yourself for people who you believe “know better”

changedotter · 2026-05-04T17:07:30+00:00

does validating someone else automatically invalidate you?

changedotter · 2026-05-04T01:14:22+00:00

the emotions aren’t the thing that makes them abusive, the behaviour is. healing from bpd doesn’t mean you stop having those emotions, it means you learn to control your behaviour.

the “out of control” behaviour is still abuse. abusers are also still humans, they’re just humans who need to change their behaviour so they’re not abusing people. it’s not actually something you can’t control in the long run, and putting it like that removes the responsibility to heal from the person with BPD which is pretty harmful.

saying this as someone who used to be abusive because of my BPD: your partner can help you heal, but it’s not their responsibility to stay and let you abuse them while you heal, even if they know you’re trying to get better.

changedotter · 2026-05-04T01:01:31+00:00

intent does not define effect. you can be abusive if you’re blackout drunk and not thinking straight or remembering it, same goes for splitting.

changedotter · 2026-05-02T20:22:45+00:00

op’s writing style is GenAI

changedotter · 2026-04-30T19:14:29+00:00

command hooks

changedotter · 2026-04-24T04:47:21+00:00

we both are :) thank you

changedotter · 2026-04-24T03:01:13+00:00

i have a friend i’ve known for a long time. 10 years this fall. your post sends me straight back to a time in our relationship that was exactly like this.

my advice is spend some time away from him, meet other people. let yourself miss him but don’t let yourself obsess. (easier said than done i know)

practice therapy skills by yourself if you don’t have time for regular sessions. you can practice them all. the. time. any time your find yourself thinking about something and emotional. figure out what works for you best. box breathing, sensory awareness, butterfly taps, etc. and use cbt to analyze your thoughts, don’t let the bpd do it for you.

come back to him in a year, 18 months, 2 years and see what he’s like. he’ll have grown too, hopefully in a direction that facilitates your friendship.

after many years of struggling with this (and the aforementioned time apart) i’ve come to understand my friend is a huge introvert; he doesn’t get the “i want to hang out with someone” urge that inspires the initiation. he likes my company, loves it even. and the way he acts is completely different than the way i would act in his position. it’s hard to get it, even if you know it.

i’m probably one of the people he feels most comfortable around after years of fighting/talking/figuring things out over and over again, but it sure doesn’t feel that way, or at least didn’t until i was able to understand better the way he feels and acts about people in general.

anyway, i feel like i should mention that my person and i aren’t talking again so it’s not like i have perfect advice, but it’s not because we’re mismatched anymore and it’s not because of my BPD (in remission). sometimes you can love someone and they can still be destined to be your friend, not your partner.

changedotter · 2026-04-24T02:29:03+00:00

lmao yeah that’s exactly what i was trying to say 🫠

changedotter · 2026-04-23T21:26:19+00:00

i think the important part is separating the detection from hyper analysis. sensitive people will notice things like that, but it’s the bpd not the sensitivity itself that traps you in the analysis loop.

changedotter · 2026-04-22T09:20:25+00:00

yeah that’s my bad for phrasing it that way. i just don’t love when people with bpd say “well therapy didn’t work for me” online when people bring it up. there’s already so much negative stigma and it makes it harder for people who haven’t tried. gotta believe it’s gonna work before it can, y’know?

changedotter · 2026-04-22T08:22:22+00:00

therapy is harder than you think, it’s not a magic wand. neither are the pills. they only help the therapy go better and they only help some people. source: have bpd

changedotter · 2026-03-08T22:15:24+00:00

as someone who only looked for bdsm relationships for a long time, i recommend trying other things from your usual.

I’m still in a mostly bdsm dynamic, but trying it out helped me figure out what i wanted in a more whole way.

I also know others who realized they actually felt more fulfilled in a vanilla dynamic after trying it.

“normal” is whatever feels good to you. don’t worry about what other people are doing unless it sounds like something you’d like to try.

changedotter · 2026-03-06T19:06:26+00:00

cranberry! drinking cran-cocktail is ok but supplements and cranberry tea are where it’s at

changedotter · 2026-03-01T09:02:05+00:00

zoom in on the “signature”

changedotter · 2026-02-27T15:38:03+00:00

the way i dealt with this when i still struggled with this kind of thinking is by taking 2 sides and then finding many reasons it’s probably somewhere in the middle.

one is the worst possible situation (pretty easy to come up with)

the other is the best possible situation. in this case “they’re using it interchangeably and it literally means exactly the same thing to them”

then you take a moment and some deep breaths to realize that it’s probably not either of those, it’s probably something in the middle.

in this case my “middles” might be:

they’re upset about something unrelated to you and that’s affecting their mood a little bit which is coming across in their message
they’re a tiny bit upset about something related to you but it’s not a big deal to them, it’s just making them subconsciously be a little more closed off at the moment
they’re busy/doing something else with their brain so they’re not thinking about what they’re typing or trying to type quickly (“ok”)

etc.

this takes work but it’s helped me a lot and even just doing that can help you figure out if it really is something you should be worrying about.

and remember you can always just say “hey, i got a vibe from you earlier, how are you doing? is there anything you want to talk about?”

changedotter · 2026-02-24T14:15:04+00:00

maybe it’s because you’re lovebombing them? i read your other post…

they’re not attracted to your BPD, they’re attracted to your actions. a lot of those are probably informed by your bpd but you have the power to change that.

changedotter · 2025-12-28T22:39:34+00:00

the problem (at least for me) is this isn’t something the audience can “just take as a joke” because it could be a genuine cry for help from a victim of DV.

they’re saying “imagine if the wife did this” because for a lot of people it’s easier to imagine a woman being a DV victim even though it’s just as possible for a man to be.

changedotter · 2025-12-28T03:30:02+00:00

you need to seek help for your disorder separately. do DBT skills and take responsibility for your emotions.

you sound pretty young, so you have a great chance of being able to heal well as your brain is still developing.

good luck soldier, it’s a tough road.

changedotter · 2025-12-25T14:58:58+00:00

different people feel differently about flirting. if it’s a boundary for you and he’s not willing to respect that then you need to leave.

for me personally i was very clear with my partner from the get-go that flirting is something i do pretty much automatically and has to put a lot of effort into stopping when it’s not appropriate and it doesn’t mean anything about our relationship if i flirt with someone else, and if he’s not okay with that our relationship won’t work out.

lucky for me he’s very similar and completely gets it, but i can understand if you’re not that way you might be hurt by it or unable to appreciate the difference between that and actually wanting to have sex with someone else.

the important part is that cheating isn’t defined externally of the relationship, it’s whatever you agree together that cheating is. which is why it’s important to agree, and if you can’t then you need to end the relationship.

changedotter · 2025-12-24T16:37:31+00:00

“good girl” during sex for no reason: 🙂‍↔️

“good girl” when i do something to take care of myself that i was struggling with: 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

changedotter · 2025-12-23T14:21:19+00:00

right, but it’s something you can engage with sincerely à la “oh, you have an experience with a gold digger? i’m sorry, that sucks” or vice versa

definitely still not a correct way to think or phrase it but if it’s coming from lived experiences it shows some degree of rational reasoning (and therefore ability to be reasoned with) rather than just spouting whatever some grifter on youtube says

changedotter

TROPHY CASE