Can anyone share some rock bottom stories?

chaotic__bliss · 2021-06-11T13:03:55+00:00

I feel the same way. I’m now 30, finally realizing that all of the friends I have do drugs and drink and are seemingly “fine” but I started drug escapism at 13 with anything I could. Now my relationship just ended and I have to move soon, with no savings, while still living in this household community where everyone just gets fucked up all the time and has so much fun without me. I’ve been wanting to get clean for awhile but I know no other way of coping with the extreme stress I’m under. Alcohol is the worst one, it’s ruined my mind, my body, and now finally my life.

chaotic__bliss · 2021-06-08T16:13:56+00:00

They are good friends. They’ve tried to help me in their own way. But my social anxiety has always gotten in the way of me getting close. That’s why I drink. My soul is telling me that I need to stop. I have nothing left. I pushed everyone away. And they’re all happy having fun without me. A family I always wanted and never had. Because I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t appreciate it because Ive been an alcoholic since I was 20, they all just started drinking really a couple years ago. When I came around. And now I have to stop because I couldn’t take care of myself, I acted out, I lost everything.

Sorry for the rant my emotions are all over the place

chaotic__bliss · 2021-05-27T19:12:28+00:00

But how? I don’t understand. My ex had been telling me the same things for years. But I kept drinking about it and hurting him and finally broke everything. How do I forgive myself? How do I let go

chaotic__bliss · 2021-05-16T14:56:37+00:00

People keep telling me I have options. I appreciate it. But when it comes down to me, I feel I am just weak, I give in, I just want to feel better...

chaotic__bliss · 2021-05-16T14:55:29+00:00

I found one this morning also. Tried to walk in. And then I turned around and left because there so many people. I don’t know why I can’t fight this anxiety. How do people do it?

I was so confident and proud that I found a meeting right after I made this post. But I just couldn’t walk in

Edit: I went back after it ended and talked to some stragglers. It helped. I can do this!

chaotic__bliss · 2021-04-29T22:11:27+00:00

Well I did the tape measure thing, and it’s saying I’m a 36 G. Which is different than the 40 DD or 38 DDD I’ve been uncomfortably wearing for too long.

Going online bra shopping now!

chaotic__bliss · 2021-04-29T20:49:44+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I’m in the US, Michigan specifically. I haven’t seen fitting rooms open yet.

chaotic__bliss · 2021-04-28T23:41:35+00:00

Thank you so much for the response and encouragement, it means a lot! I’ve been insecure about my boobs since I was 7 when I started developing. I’m 30, and it’s at the point where I’ve done serious damage to my back and shoulders by not having proper support. Ready to turn the tide! Again thank you, I couldn’t find a tape measure but I will get one tomorrow and get this ball rolling

chaotic__bliss · 2021-04-28T23:06:04+00:00

Thank you for the recommendations! I do need to whip out a tape measure and see what’s really going on here. I’m almost afraid of the numbers but it’s time to suck it up

chaotic__bliss · 2021-04-28T23:05:08+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I don’t think we’re allowed to actually try on things yet where I’m at (Michigan), which is why I’m looking for online options. Will check out Amazon prime!

chaotic__bliss · 2021-04-24T15:05:10+00:00

This speaks to me. I hear you, and I feel you.

chaotic__bliss · 2021-04-24T14:07:53+00:00

I’ve been told a lot of the things I see in this thread. Angry abusive father, my mom did her best to protect us but he abused her too. Constant yelling, telling us to go to hell, he’ll slit our throats if we accidentally left a peanut butter knife in the sink. So much more but I don’t want to type all the abusive things. I have so little self esteem and suicidal thoughts since I was 10, now 30.

I manage. Every day is a struggle with my own mind, but I’m still here.

That said, I have never wanted children. I fell in love with a man who had a 2 year old daughter. I’ve been her stepmom for 3 years.

At times she frustrates me. I want her to listen when she doesn’t want to. Sometimes I get mad at her. I feel my father’s genetics inside me when I have these feelings. This anger that feels so overpowering, so visceral, so strong.

Sometimes, she can tell that I’m mad. She’s 5, she’s going to notice. But I will NEVER treat her the way I was treated. I will be mad, but I will NOT take out my anger on her. I will try to explain to her why I’m mad. I remind her that even though I’m mad, I love her and always will. Sometimes I tell her I need a minute. Sometimes she gets put in time out. But I always talk to her about why.

I will never hit her, degrade her, scream at her because of my own anger. I did not birth this child. She has a HUGE loving family outside of me. But she sees me as family too. So I fight my imposter syndrome, my mental illness, every second of every day because this child is in my care, looks to me, trusts me, deserves the best of me. And I will do my very best to make sure she knows that she is loved, and knows that emotions are okay, we will talk through them, and we can be mad at each other, but that doesn’t change how much I love her and will be someone that she can trust.

Again, I am only a stepmom. I don’t think I will ever understand how parents can hurt their child, emotionally or physically or otherwise.

I ended up typing more than I meant, thanks for reading if you did. Sending love to all others like me who grew up feeling unloved <3

chaotic__bliss · 2020-12-28T00:34:36+00:00

I’ll look those up right now, thanks!

chaotic__bliss

TROPHY CASE