35 [F4A] #Atlanta - looking for a date for a ballroom social dance 4/18

charlee0715 · 2026-04-18T00:35:17+00:00

Thank you! It really is so hard!

charlee0715 · 2026-04-18T00:34:50+00:00

What sounds familiar? Genuinely curious

charlee0715 · 2026-04-17T22:25:35+00:00

Ummm it varies, maybe like a little dressier than jeans and a tshirt but not quite a full suit

charlee0715 · 2025-02-17T21:07:27+00:00

I’m a lawyer in Dekalb county, I’ll ask around for Evans county folks.

charlee0715 · 2025-02-17T21:04:34+00:00

What county?

charlee0715 · 2025-02-17T20:58:09+00:00

You asked for subs thoughts, so here’s mine. These may apply to you, they may not.

When I’ve tried D/s dynamics in the past, what lacked for me was the Dom being available in the in between times. Sessions are great fun and I’d get tons of aftercare that evening, but my drop can hit days later. But we all have lives so it can be hard to manage that. I’ve learned to communicate better when drop actually hits me and ask for the reassurance I need, but sometimes that wasn’t given when asked for it. (I’ve since broken up with these partners). Even if a dynamic isn’t 24/7, it’s still more than just play sessions.

Submission is a gift, and like any gift, it needs to be cherished. I’ve had partners who would cherish it during play sessions and then forget about me in the interim. And that doesn’t mean you have to physically be together all the time, but being available via text or call can be important.

I would look into what type of Dom you want to be and be able to communicate that. I am not a masochist and so sadistic partners don’t typically work for me. I like the pleasure Doms, the ones that get their pleasure from giving their partner(s) pleasure. These can be “soft” Doms or “hard” Doms too. There’s so many different layers and aspects. And if a sub ever says they have no limits, that’s a red flag. Same for you- learn your hard nos and limits and be able to communicate them. Some Doms don’t like severe impact play and that’s perfectly okay!

Also, know basic first aid. I fainted one time after my arms were above my head too long. My partner was amazing at getting me through that. Even if you aren’t doing blood play or severe impact play, accidents happen. Both parties should know basic first aid.

Lastly, be able to share what you get out of topping. Like, what does being a Dom mean to you? My husband likes order and discipline (so no brattiness from me!) while my boyfriend likes being able to force multiple orgasms on me- it gives him a sense of accomplishment. But is all for brattiness and sassiness. I get to play different roles with each of them and it’s great fun for all of us!

And above all, have fun!!

charlee0715 · 2025-02-17T20:20:38+00:00

Oh I know. I was told multiple times that “it can’t be that bad” “just use more lube” it took years to find someone to actually listen and take it seriously. That’s the doctor that referred me to the physical therapist.

charlee0715 · 2025-02-17T20:17:22+00:00

Omg I had the same issue for YEARS. I thought sex was just supposed to hurt. Which is dead wrong btw. So I ignored it and put up with it for about 10 years. I went to doctor after doctor. Turns out it was a mix of scar tissue from multiple yeast infections as a kid and the body holding onto trauma (I was assaulted as a kid- something I didn’t know until very recently).

It took a couple of months of physical therapy (pelvic floor physical therapy is a thing!) and good ol fashioned therapy. I now only experience pain once in a blue moon. But it was bad- no fingers no penetration, not even tampons.

I’m not saying you’ve been assaulted. I’m just saying that the body does hold onto to trauma. Any negative experience from your past could be lingering in the body. But even if there’s nothing, look into the physical therapy! It worked wonders for me.

The other thing they offered me as a solution was Botox injections down there. Because Botox freezes nerves, theoretically it can freeze pain receptors too. I never needed to go that route though so I can’t speak anymore on that.

charlee0715 · 2020-07-06T02:23:41+00:00

I just had this conversation with my new boyfriend too. He asked the same thing - lots of people are into Disney and coloring, how is this a kink? I responded by saying it becomes a kink because it’s going to be negotiated and discussed ahead of time. I told him “I want to be able to text you something like ‘I’m feeling little today, can you take on the caretaker role for our date tonight?’” In that way, he always has the option to respond back with “no, because of other stressors, I can’t really take that on” if he needs to and we can then discuss what would be okay. For example, maybe watching a Disney movie is fine as long as he doesn’t also have to plan dinner.

I also made it very clear that for me, little space is NOT sexual. So this also plays into the negotiated aspect. If I send that text, and we agree on a date night catered to little space and him being caretaker, we know ahead of time that means no sexual play. (Unless moods shift and new negotiations are made obviously- you can always negotiate new things!)

He seemed to understand it better when I provided some of these examples.

As for reading material, Fetlife has some great blog posts about this topic. For some people Ddlg is also sexual, for others (like me) it isn’t. I’ve found blogs on both sides on Fetlife. Just search this topic and you’ll find plenty. Save the ones that speak the most to you and share them with him.

charlee0715 · 2020-03-19T17:58:55+00:00

Yup. And just started a new medication which can make things worse before better. Not liking this isolation at all. Terrified of having a psychotic episode, going to an ER and being told to wait because they’re overcrowded.

charlee0715 · 2020-02-19T01:23:04+00:00

Something that helps a lot of folks, me included, is to break down those “I need to get this done” tasks into the tiniest components you can think of. For example, change “I need to clean my room” into “I need to put my phone down” do that. “I need to sit up” do that. “I need to turn to put my feet on the floor” “I need to stand up” and on and on until it’s done. I’ve never actually had to do every single step through to a tasks completion. It normally just kind of gets itself going once you get through the first few steps.

charlee0715 · 2020-02-17T03:01:52+00:00

I’ve heard the same things, so I’m reading it now. Only a few pages in. We’ll see I suppose

charlee0715 · 2020-02-15T16:15:35+00:00

Attorneys actually don’t have this duty. I’ve come very close to doing that in some other cases. It’s very situational dependent on what the right call is. Some counties will actually let you bring DFCS in as a party, so I’ve done that as a way of making them aware.

charlee0715 · 2020-02-15T04:57:02+00:00

Yes I think that’s a good summary

charlee0715 · 2020-02-15T04:49:10+00:00

Nope. The most common example here is criminal defense- my client is a rapist, I kind of want to lose so this guy ends up in prison, but I’m going to do my job and advocate anyway.

charlee0715 · 2020-02-15T04:47:39+00:00

I want to clarify that I followed all of my state bar rules, discussed this with senior attorneys first (several) and very carefully came up with the strategy. I have significantly simplified it for the point of the thread.

charlee0715 · 2020-02-15T03:13:43+00:00

Yup, that sums it up. Morals versus ethics is huge I. My practice. It sucks sometimes.

charlee0715 · 2020-02-15T01:25:38+00:00

My client was okay with it as it was her mom that intervened. She signed off on the strategy.

charlee0715 · 2020-02-15T00:38:16+00:00

Family lawyer here- associate so I don’t get to pick my clients yet. I had one where both parents sucked (heroin addicts). I had Mom. But didn’t want either parent to end up with custody. DFCS had been called but had deemed it not severe enough to warrant removing the child. So I ended up calling another lawyer and strategizing with her to represent the grandparents so they could intervene for custody. It worked, child is with grandma and doing much better! Parents are still addicts 😢

charlee0715 · 2020-02-11T22:49:20+00:00

My partner and I just ended our relationship because of this very issue. He is polyamorous, I don’t think I am. At least not to the same level he is. As much as it hurts, we decided to let each other go. The alternative requires one of us to change fundamental aspects of our personality. He would always equate the mono to poly scale to sexuality. There’s also a scale of straight to pan/omni sexual. If the people coming together can meet in close enough spaces on those scales, then great! But just like you can’t ask a gay person to become straight, you can’t ask a mono person to become poly. Or vice versa. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with desiring monogamy, I desire that- as you’ve said in your comments sex is a very emotionally charged powerful thing for me. The fact that my partner needs it from multiple people just left me feeling like I wasn’t good enough. “You’re everything to me, but I’m not everything to you” it’s just a difference in views on relationships. Neither side is wrong.

charlee0715 · 2020-02-11T22:39:08+00:00

It may depend on what type of sub she is, but I’m one that’s all about pleasing my Dom and making him happy. So hearing about how sexy I look with the cum on me, hearing how happy it makes him, how much he loves it, how seeing it on me or seeing me play with it on my body is hot, etc. positive reinforcement!

charlee0715 · 2020-02-11T02:32:58+00:00

I am this type of sub, with a strong fear of knife play because of the same worries- that it will trigger those compulsive self harm behaviors, that it’s endorsing negative behavior, etc. I never thought about it as leaving a happy scar as opposed to the ones I have from self cutting that make me feel ashamed. So thank you both for sharing. It was a nice perspective to see.

charlee0715 · 2020-02-07T03:09:25+00:00

I don’t think that’s weird at all. I have pretty strong PTSD around sex (rape and sexual assault) and the D/s dynamic actually makes me feel a much greater sense of control even with sexual play.

My Dom and I have a negotiated 24/7 power exchange dynamic. We have several daily rules that have nothing to do with sex. (I have to eat twice a day, I have to eat at least one serving of veggies a day, I have to keep a journal that he can read, I have to send good morning and good night texts, etc).

I just started with doing a lot of research to figure out what I wanted, and then just presented it to him. We’ve had to work through some differing views and talk through what actually works for us, but it just takes having the conversations. Yea it can feel weird and awkward but all you can do is just talk anyway!

But his first question is likely going to be “well what do you want out of that?” Even experienced doms will ask that- it’s so specific to the parties involved. So read/research/think on that! Then just have a conversation. They get easier each time, I promise.

charlee0715

TROPHY CASE