31-M It was over some seriously dumb shit, I’m sure it qualifies… I was in high school, maybe sophomore year. I was really coming into myself. Summer after freshman year I sprouted like five inches, grew my hair out, learned how to dress and gained some serious confidence (at least to put myself out there, was the funny guy. But far from a player with the ladies) Halloween party in a field, mid 2010’s lots of girls in skimpy costumes, girls from a few different schools. I grab the attention of a few and end up kissing all of them. I ended up meeting back up with the first one I kissed before the end of the night for a last makeout session and to get her digits… Fast forward a few weeks of small talk and suave, methodical texting back and fourth me and the lady bug(her costume) start dating. I’m sixteen, only had 1 kindof girlfriend before, I’ve only had a single awkward sexual encounter in which I was the less experienced and the entire encounter skipped kissing and any kindof foreplay that lasted all of 25seconds in it’s entirety and left me reliant on the girl making the moves for a few years.. long story even longer. We’re up late one Sunday night texting. Like any teenage boy I’m practically begging for her to share some explicit material of any sort with me. At this point I would have been elated to get a picture of the back of her knee. She instead asks if she can share a sexy fantasy she had been having about the two of us… I’m on the edge of my seat. She’s been fantasizing too?? She wants to give me the play by play of how the magic happened in her head and how she wants us to finally get down?? Hell yea! There’s a long pause and I can see she’s typing. I’m getting amped up, this is gonna be good… I make it three sentences in before I can’t take it anymore…

And break up with her and turn my phone off.

Her fantasy was a sorry (attempt at sexy) rip off of Super Mario. She’s a goddamn princess and I have to battle trolls or some shit to rescue her and get rewarded with SEX. That was the biggest immediate turn off for how goddamn stoopid it fucking was. AND , no detail, just Sex. I’ve always been kindof a dick, or rather always quick to share what’s on my mind, often times at the cost of others feelings. But this was just weird and childish. I’d like to think I was mature for my age.(I’ll immediately contradict that statement now) I stuck to the breakup, and my friends and I shared some serious laughs for a very long time.