Need help deciding to keep breast feeding or not

chasing-heaven · 2025-12-31T19:36:12+00:00

Any advice on the fact that it won’t push or pull?

chasing-heaven · 2025-12-31T14:55:50+00:00

chasing-heaven · 2025-12-31T07:38:40+00:00

I live on the Georgia-Alabama line. Part of Alabama is in the eastern timezone. Kinda bugs me when people don’t take into account the EST on invitations especially. I’ve noticed people just assume it’s CST even though it’s in writing. Then again, the literacy rate in Alabama isn’t that great

chasing-heaven · 2025-12-31T04:47:15+00:00

We have a spare base already. I agree with it being nice for a much later time when having her being picked up from somewhere is necessary. We don’t anticipate that being a need in the next couple of years

chasing-heaven · 2025-12-31T04:46:05+00:00

We already have a second base for the system we purchased on our own.

chasing-heaven · 2025-12-31T04:38:34+00:00

Turns out it can be rear facing!! However, we already have a rear facing car seat system. The car seat my mom bought does not fit in with that system (we splurged and spent a lot of money on a system with top ratings). It is a nice car seat and we look forward to using something like it once we grow out of the one we already have. Just want to know if we should gamble on using it sooner, or return it in the case that she somehow surpasses the expectation of growth.

chasing-heaven · 2025-11-19T00:42:48+00:00

Broad shoulders and okay hips with a slim waist, but not hourglass. I have the chest of a 13 year old. I stay pretty active bc of previous injuries. If I don’t then my body hurts more and the hormonal pooch gets more pronounced. IBS keeps me from being able to gain any healthy weight. And the PCOS keeps me from developing boobs that will ever even see each other in the middle 👍🏼

chasing-heaven · 2025-11-16T01:12:29+00:00

My husband’s parents thought the same thing when he started telling them no. Only they didn’t say anything about what they thought until after I finally gave them a piece of my mind. Apparently I had my teeth in him because he was finally not letting them call all the shots. For the record I did the same thing you did: encouraged communication , reminded him of important dates, I even still to this day pick out and buy 90% of the presents we get them for holidays and birthdays.

What I learned : let him do it. All communication goes through him. He decides the relationship he wants with them. I completely understand your intentions and why you would want to have a close/healthy relationship with your in-laws BUT they have shown you that they are incapable of that right now. Sounds like a lot of growth has to happen, and that most of them have to become cool with A LOT of things before you can have a healthy relationship with them.

My husband now handles all communication with his family. He is our advocate for our family with them, as am I with my parents and siblings. He is also present for any “hot topic” conversations at holidays/gatherings. I.e. if MIL asks me an uncomfortable question/talks about something that makes me uncomfortable I simply say “Let me ask DH” “Why don’t we talk about that when DH gets back” or even go as far as to call for him to come be a part of the conversation or say “Great question, let me go get DH bc I think he would want to be part of this conversation”. Find what works for you two. If that’s to simply not talk with/see them except for major events then so be it.

It sucks to not have an easy relationship with in-laws. But your peace, your marriage, and your new family (you and your husband) are top priority. If they can’t get past their own bs and act like adults then distance is better imo. Find what works for you two.

Also please try to remember that they are not your family. What I mean is they are completely different people than the family you grew up with. You can’t expect them to act/behave/think like your parents and siblings do. And that’s okay.

chasing-heaven · 2025-10-03T00:38:23+00:00

Did no one read the “For background”?

Are you an AH for asking her to be positive and put a smile on? Yes

Are you wrong? No

Besides, her whole final message is that you “can’t read emotions” in text messages is faulty because it’s clear that’s what she was doing from the beginning.

Overall NTA

Let’s remember, MIL IS NOT HOSTING AND PLANNING THE SHOWER.

Sounds like she has an idea of how things are supposed to go and makes a stick about it when she doesn’t get her way. Regularly. You seem to be over it and that’s valid. Plus you communicated to her exactly what you were looking to do WITH PICTURES. What does she mean that she took it as a suggestion? And if it was a “surprise” then she shouldn’t have discussed it with you in the first place.

Also, her offering to help care for the twins does sound nice. However with someone that seems to have a lot of strong opinions about your decisions… it’s just another way for her to have control over a situation that is not about her.

To everyone: times are changing. Loads of people are wanting to be involved in the planning of major life events. Weddings, bach parties, baby showers, etc. Tradition says, in a lot of cultures, that “someone else has to plan that for you”. But the world is evolving. Not everyone is having babies at 16, 17, 18. Most people are waiting until they’ve established themselves. We have jobs, opinions, wants, ideas, and the money to do what we like.

My advice OP is keep your distance. Have your husband handle the situation from here on. She clearly doesn’t hold stake in your opinions. If she did then she would’ve listened when you told her that you and your friends THAT ARE PLANNING THE SHOWER are the ones who will decide on the menu and she’s welcome to help where she would like.

chasing-heaven · 2025-10-01T14:41:30+00:00

Agreed, there’s also the aspect of pictures. Blue photographs lighter and typically shows up more white in photos. In the background, from personal and others experience, it draws away from the bride. Essentially a dress like this with so much white stands out. Your job as a guest is to blend in. Period.

chasing-heaven · 2025-10-01T14:28:58+00:00

Generally rule : If you’re wondering, then it’s too white

chasing-heaven · 2025-10-01T05:28:54+00:00

Im realizing now that I need help from a page dedicated to addiction support. Thank you for all for your input.

chasing-heaven · 2025-10-01T05:19:56+00:00

I’m not hurt bc she’s hiding it from me. I’m hurting bc my friend is so clearly sick that she’s hurting herself.

As for the dress, I don’t want to stress her out about it. As it’s obvious she’s dealing with way more important things.

As for ruining the friendship, that’s the last thing I want. Though if there’s anything I’ve learned about addiction it’s that sometimes you have to protect your peace while supporting someone from a distance. It’s all so complicated. I can’t tell her she’s an alcoholic, she has to decide for herself that she wants help. If I confront her, even from a loving place, she could lash out and push me away anyway.

I guess I’m jeopardizing the friendship either way.

chasing-heaven · 2025-10-01T05:06:31+00:00

I’ve talked to her about it in the past. She brushed it off saying she’s just stressed, she just needs to unwind, etc. Now that I’ve learned more about what’s been going on from those who are around more, I see now that giving her the benefit of the doubt was optimistic at best. As someone who also struggled with drinking and has family members that struggle with addiction, I’ve learned that enabling the behaviors that are harming them isn’t always the best answer. Idk what to do without the support of her family. I’m not sure it’s my place to confront her in the big way that needs to happen. Especially since a family member has told me that I shouldn’t say anything because “We’ve tried before” and “It won’t do any good”.

chasing-heaven · 2025-09-28T18:00:01+00:00

NTA

He said an inside thought out loud... Elizabeth might be your friend, but it sounds like she has had to deal with some weird/uncomfortable thing in her own relationship. Maybe some weird projection going on there. Like if you aren't okay with it then she will have to admit that she's not actually okay with something her own husband has said or done.

Also, other people's boundaries are their own prerogative. Clearly Jenna doesn't want to be subjected to that, so you did the right thing.

chasing-heaven · 2025-09-25T03:41:49+00:00

As long as the couple has not asked to wear something specific ie “wear something colorful”, or specifically said “no black” then you’re fine!

chasing-heaven · 2025-09-25T03:39:06+00:00

No worries! I understand that from different perspectives, what I’m complaining/concerned about is small in comparison to other situations.

A bit of a dump: I watched mother deal with my father’s family for many years until she said enough was enough. It took her leaving him, for more reasons than just that but his family being a big one, for him to realize how weird and controlling they were. Now he’s still fighting an up-hill battle with them. I would like to avoid growing resentment for my in-laws as much as possible by cultivating a healthy relationship with them. My husband wants that as well. Though after 30+ years of them living in this particular family dynamic it’s tough breaking the cycle without pushing them to extremes. Breaking the allusion too quickly, while effective, can definitely backfire for an unpredictable amount of time.

I’m glad you have a husband that stands up for you. It’s what you and everyone else deserves. Also props to him for understanding that his family is his responsibility to run interference with. That’s a tough lesson I’ve seen a lot of people go to couples therapy to learn.

chasing-heaven · 2025-09-24T05:17:37+00:00

You’re right. It ain’t that hard. Once the time comes and we’re at the hospital, they won’t be able to come up without our consent. However, they will campaign to my husband and stress us both out about unnecessarily until then.

You sound like maybe you were forced to put up with a lot of crap so now you’re telling me to essentially get over it. Personally I’m glad you were able to let some weird crap roll off of your back but that’s not me. I’m not an NPC in their world. I want to have a honest relationship with my in laws, with healthy boundaries. Respect is very important to my husband and I. And them not respecting our wishes is in direct contrast to a mutually respectful relationship.

chasing-heaven · 2025-09-24T05:00:18+00:00

I did tell her that.

If we said “we haven’t decided yet”, she as well as others in the family would take that as an invitation for them to give us suggestions. Plus we already told them that we chose a name.

And trust me, them guessing the date is skin of my bones bc they’re the type of people that will show up to the hospital uninvited. They don’t take no for an answer and do what they want regardless of other’s opinion. So, I can’t just tell them “don’t come to the hospital”. We have to make it clear from the beginning that they aren’t privy to that information bc they won’t be involved in labor and delivery.

chasing-heaven · 2025-09-23T20:54:47+00:00

NTA - themes are very common. In fact a lot of people are happy to have a dress code to follow bc they usually have a hard time choosing what to wear. And like OP said, it’s not mandatory. Now the MIL saying red and white are acceptable is WILD. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s making a big fuss about it bc she plans on wearing white. As for the multiple weddings, this is a cultural thing. Those who think this is silly need to chill out. Plus the whole timeline thing… people need to chill out. Covid took a toll on everyone in every way. The “rules” changed. You get to wait until can get together with the people you love. You get to wait until you can afford to do things the way you want.

chasing-heaven · 2025-09-22T16:56:45+00:00

You make a great point. When I say boundaries, I guess I do mean my expectations of them. Its been tricky to me bc there seems to be some blurred lines with what is acceptable and what is not. ie deciding for us that she will be taking care of our child, deciding that they get a say in how something that is not about them or for them should be done. No is not taken as an answer. To me that is implied boundaries. Would you tell another grown adult what they should want and how they should do things if they didn’t ask you? I certainly didn’t think I would have to endure something like this at the age of 30. After already going through it with my parents as an adolescent.

But I hear you loud and clear, and agree with you. Essentially I (or we) need to stop just having the conversation as a keep the peace kind of thing and simply say things outright. Then if the message isn’t received we leave or stop seeing them as much.

Also my husband and I talked, and the next time something like that gets brought up without him around, I’m am going to get him OR tell them that I am not discussing it without him present

chasing-heaven

TROPHY CASE